Energy

We are energy 

We are surrounded by energy 

When people talk about your spirit -the physical body simply being a structure that embodies the spirit. 

We have 6 energy centres in our body. Some people refer to these as chakras, evolving from the Hindu culture, it's unbelievable. 

What is? How you can learn to understand your mind body and spirit by becoming in tune and aware of yourself. Talk about self healing- if you have the willingness and receptivity to learn this knowledges you'll never look back. 

How can you when you know that, for example, a woman who was in a very bad car crash, wrecked her back and joints. medical doctor has tried and tried and maybe made some slight change, but in 1 hour a professional in Bancroft fixed years worth of pain and agony? I'm not speaking about myself anymore, as I've had the pleasure of witnessing these miracles time and time again. 

We as humans either love to wait till things get bad or we ignore it till it's too late; heart stopped, cancer progressed, she couldn't handle the demons anymore and took her life. "She had enough" 

I get it. I really do. I've been there time and time again but the one thing that keeps me coming back is recognizing my personal power and energy. When my heart hurts, yes I suffer with depression and am sensitive but why is it hurting this much? What have I done or not done? 

I didn't know I could suppress emotions without alcohol but I did it through school and helping everyone around me that I forgot about myself. I say that a lot but I really did. I forgot about myself. 

I forgot that I needed to feed myself real food and just because I was tired does t mean I can't hop in my car and do something about it. Fine the courage to overcome the despair of whatever I'm feeling and do something. I forgot that my heart matters hurt as much as those  hurt me and continue with me poke the bear 

I live alone now and I love it. Last week I was really sick both mentally and physically. I had convinced my head of thoughts and ideas that literally drove me to the point of thinking "shit what if I pass out, whose going to call 911?" 

I was puking non stop being triggered and triggered and I'll be honest- my FRIENDS sending me messages and photos of my ex and his new girlfriend and how much they're rubbing it in my face---if they really knew they would know I have him on none of my media because I know better now, I told him to let his girlfriend enjoy what I was had the pleasure of enjoying because I've moved on. I don't n need to rub my happiness in like that but that's not my stuff anymore 

Yes. He did a really shitty thing by making it  blatantly obvious of his respect for me by throwing in my face he and his new girlfriend went to our apartment for sex. Nothing else. That's cool. 

But that's HIM NOT ME. I look at that and say I'm better off. He knows that that has the potential to hurt me and it did. Is that my problem or his ignorance? 

I'll let you decide 

It's not all his fault you see as I have the pow r and control that let whatever it is bother me. Even last night my best friend from Chicago asked me again if he's seeing this girl? Your guess is as best as mine I don't seek out him or her, I've h Wes enough "basic" comments to care. 

I made a dent in that families life I wish the next girl luck. I cared for their nephews like you  wouldn't believe. All of them. He ruined that, not them. 

Then I went to grail and got smacked in the face with my own reality again: this is my life in this moment right now and my energy is being utilized on people and things that do me no good. Literally don't care... 

I even called him pleading for help but realized it was my ego. I don't ono I was down 10 lbs and not sure of what t do anymore. ITS A PICTURE! It's a facade. I do the same things with my dog. I'm growing. I get that chance. That's the only reason I still talk about it because it's brought up in my life, it's not in my life. So throw it out. 

The things that used to matter to me don't so much. My ego is removed as I challenged my fear and doubt. You're only hurting yourself. 

I have so much to offer this world and that's why I'm going to do. I want to do and create something bigger than myself. 

I know I'm on the right path and I have the right tools. The men of fire are only in my life for a lesson and don't stay long- sorry aries🙏🏼

My relationship won't come of out a state of neediness but a state of love and compassion- companionship. I will live my life and they will live theirs and we get to happily meet in the middle at the end of the day. Our values and philosophies will be similar but different but the one thing  that we will agree on is our love for each other and whatever comes in our way. 

I have a lot to conquer and the knowledge I have, especially from this experience is going to make a world of a difference for myself and those around me. I've finally found that itch in me to begin my first book. 

So thank you, TBP, you have now inspired me to write a novel. I'm tired of people thinking what you did was good enough and that we, girls like myself who have been hurt over and over, the girl you promised you'd never hurt like the rest of them, deserve the shit end of the stick. It's pathetic and everyone has the right to know they deserve better. 

Heal yourself, use your inner power and honour that. 

My energy fields were being dragged out in all the wrong areas. My head hurt and my stomach hurt constantly. Why? Because I wasn't having ANY of my needs met and I ignored whatever was trying to tell me you better take care of yourself of you're going to fall flat on your face. 

And I did. 

I'll be honest the recovery time for this fall was really just an ego boost orchestrated by ones lack of care, maturity and overall competence. 

Stability and security. I have that now. More importantly I have people in my life who challenge me, who make m want to become something bigger and better than myself. They encourage me to take the risks I never would have dreamed of, and that's because I'm without a distraction #freedom