"Trouble with Evan"

For school we were asked to watch this documentary, Trouble With Evan- it was filmed in 1994 and speaks to the neglect and abuse we face by our very own loved ones; parents, caregivers, especially step fathers...

Evan was diagnosed with conduct disorder which was then considered the "rebellion" kid. He got in a lot of trouble at school, though he was classified academically as genius.
One thing I'm recognizing is that male and female parents often cannot stand watching their kids do well, especially if it's not according to their plan. But don't stop. They'll knock you down anyway they can to control that.

How can I say that?!?!  WELL beyond what I have studied, I know one kid in my life who is an absolute genius. He's nice, athlete, has a great job, always been on top on his finances and he's my age. He now lives in the states and makes more than any of my friends combined. He's humble as hell however. His father yells at this kid like he knows nothing it blows my mind away- even during the movie with Leo and all the drugs; his dad turns to him and yells you better not fucking end up like this so he left the theatre.... like LET GO ALREADY

What a surprise the geniuses and conduct disorder. I guarantee you the person who has the brain that could cure people and make serious social change is locked up behind bars because rather than treating the client they are treating the behaviour.

Anyways, this documentary I just found out was allegedly banned for years prior to us being able to look at it for class and this doesn't shock me at all. I knew this course would be heavy, especially in terms of material but that video was like watching my own fucked up house hold explode. Hearing the residents speak of what they wish their parents would say to them instead of nothing or annihilating their integrity more. It baffles me. If you have thick skin take a peek but I doubt you'll want to watch the entirety


Why do we think this is ok? To yell and hurt our kids with our words and piercing scream? Because our or your parents did it and therefore it's the only way we know how? That was a good excuse when we didn't have ultimate access to the world and resources. It's about as old as Dr Benjamin Spock and his theories. I call bull stuff on that now.

If you love your child you love them unconditionally. You're tough on them knowing one day they'll thank you and not turn aroun questioning why you were even born. You accept them for their everything because guess what? YOU made that call. Everything they become you have influenced and oddly directed so make sure it's hella inspiring.

One day when I have kids it will be a blissful time. No parent is perfect but we have to play the hell out of the cards we've been dealt. I will make an amazing mother and the father to my children will be one hell of a man.

Yikes. I just made a huge standard.

Ya. You have to meet my father qualifications because if I have a daughter so help me spirits if she thinks she didn't get enough love from her dad or wasn't enough for the only man who is obligated by sheer selflessness to devote and love every part of her. Even the most uncivil of pieces or arguments. I want my son to be respectful and he will be raised with love not anger. Boys need as much love as girls. 

Until then I have to get through the nitty gritty and somehow still find hope and meaning through all of this tragic material.

Or I become an energy healer and go around the world doing it and speaking about it or something that would be neat. After all this is all about emotional energy anyhow.

My presence with kids is so special right now though I can't just take off...
One day.

Till then

Xo
Dorothy