What is love?

Lately I've found myself in circles of friends with many comanalities, but the not so shocking one (anymore  at least) is the abuse or neglect each of us faced as children. Yes, our teenage years were no better but we somehow, likely through unhealthy methods, coped.

As children we know no better than we what we see, hear, are told- -we are a product of our social environments; just trying to find ourselves in elementary school on the playground or middle school, "who do I want to be," as by high school there is some set expectation of knowing who you are and what you're capable of.

I get it. My parents celebrated their 34th anniversary last weekend, which means my mom was around my age by the time she knew my dad was the one. But I still look at her like "what?...but..how....didn't you want to .." and I remind myself that was the norm. My grandma was married by my age. Sweet eh?

Not really when you know deep down that whatever their experience of love is will not and cannot be mine because it looks like a nightmare, no offence. I'm not saying love or relationships should be easy, as that's just ludacris but my personal experiences have can be summed up like "two ships sailing in the night,"; or when I had an emotion code read, which reads your emotional muscle testing that works to alleviate issues that are from the past or present that are causing blockages in your system. This can rage from stress to trauma in our lives
Where emotional energies are stored, and low and behold I had some held on experiences from when I wasn't even born yet. That's energy for you. Hereditary

Get this: both from my fathers side, failure and love unrecieved. My dads dad passed at the age of 50 and I remember when my mom was sick with cancer she felt a presumably similar feeling of shame of thinking she was letting us down. Not in the slightest.

I love my grandma with everyone bone in my body but I know how hard my dad works and when I ask her who my grandfather reminds her of most she says my dad and his devotion to work. That's life and that was his reality and my grandmothers, as even when he passed she fled and left the kids with a close family friend Montreal. I often can feel that fear of being unloved when I am with her because I just want to give her my mental and emotional love, yet I can tell she try's pushing it with money thinking that's love. That's how they used to do things too, fix soemthing with a beautiful materialistic, tangible item of love. So I remind her I love her and make sure she repeats it to me.



So what is love? While I'm not Exsctly sure yet I have come to the conclusion that love wins when it's actions speak louder than words. When it is an inspired form of giving love, that type of love breathes life into the heart and brings grace to the soul...
Love is unconditional 
I'm thankful I am beginning to learn for myself what love is and what it is not, as it's truly the most powerful force out there 
But I had to learn to love myself first because at the end of the day no one can do it for me. 



Happy long weekend 
Love 
Dorothy 
Xoxo