I NEED TO SAY

Haha Zach galifanakas or whatever in the Hangover

I NEED TO SAY SOMETHING and I do because I was just reminded of how grateful I am to know so many people with beautiful children in their lives or soon to be moms.

Without a shadow of a doubt I always think about when I found out but up until recently,  my pregnancy is more important in a beautiful way, and something I'm genuinely grateful and thankful I got to experience. I think about that baby more than I do both my exes combined (including Troy)

I remember one of the first times I hung out with him and he asked me what my "biggest and darkest secret was," and this had just happened so I was sitting there on the corner or truth or I don't  know so I went with the truth. It didnt bother him expect some times he would say that I already lost that moment with someone..... no I did not, I called my ex, the father, in a panic and hung up hahaha!

But I got pregnant

I had a living being in myself and that is precious. I think about him everyday. Yes, him. I have been told I will never truly "forget" this period of my life so how can I make it enjoyable? I did my research and I spoke to people and without saying anything they told me about my baby... my son. I've never told anyone that nor have I said that on this blog post.

I had a son. For thereaputic reasons and reasons I won't get into, I named him St.Nick- he kinda chose  that name but I'll keep it.
I remember my mom telling me when I was born she said to my grandma and even my dad "thIs is my baby and no one else's," and that's now how I feel about St. nick.

Chris had 0 to do with my child except he happened to be the guy who I was dating and got me pregnant but he was in Halifax remember? He had a really important school presentation on the day of my procedure. I remember calling him and he asked to call me back hahhha ya sure no problem I'll be here! And I was. I still am but not for him for me.

 How can you go your whole life not feeling responsible for a child? His problem.

Maybe I will have kids again one day, but since then my ex boyfriends family had 4 pregnancies and they were all boys. My best friends children are boys..and maybe one day I will have a boy or a girl! But till then I get to gravel in baby love and go home to a quiet home.

Thank you universe
Thank yah listenerss

This was vulnerability at its finest

Love,
Dorothy