Since the passing of my dog, I've yet to be home. I was told by my staff to go home yesterday, as I was a complete mess but I wanted to stick around so I could be on the opposite end of the P.D. day we have today.
One thing did happen that was out of the blue, and makes me think: I was facilitating a group of 4 boys and we were doing an activity called heroes, allies, worthy companions. Simply put, categorize each word and put who/what you think fits that category in your life. I've worked with these kids for a month now and not once, NOT ONCE, have I heard them bring up a) their younger sister (irrelevant) but their dog. I'm not lying when I say one of the boys discussed how every time he goes home his dog is right in his face...I know this is common for dogs. But this is my big boy...I couldn't help but smile thinking "he's ok now."
Naturally, after the boys left, I began to bawl like a baby. Safe to say yesterday was messed up on a lot of levels. However, I didn't recognize I was going through the grieving process: denial, anger, guilt, depression, acceptance, resolution. I even caught myself screaming "it's not ok" "it's not ok that my 4 year old dog is dead"...Can you say self awareness?
Nonetheless, those bursts of denial and anger will undoubtedly come back today, as I take the trip home. Home to my 3 dogs...thank god for them. I have pondered this day before, but never once did I think it would be Dante first, understandably so. Anyways, today is the test. I have to go home and acknowledge that that's my new reality and I can fiercly love all of my other pups knowing my dog is pain free.
Another day, but I still miss you buddy. I love you so much.
Your sister xo
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