Mondayzzzzzzz

MONDAY MOODS! UGH
My mood has been interesting. For the first three weeks, I've had the best month of January since...2009? Year before this (2014) I was lost in what to do with life, year prior to that (2013) I was miserable. You would have thought my ex was dead, but I was just babysitting his dogs, alone in his home-willingly his parent's were away- and of course he was in Halifax. (First time my brother bought me a flight, however, haha! He felt bad. So sweet) ANYWAYS!

This year has been better. Except the past few days. My mood is all over the place and the reason I am writing this particular article is because I want to share my experiences in the hope of "normalizing" other sufferer's fears because considering what I do in a day these days, I know that there are certain triggers that affect me and I go from 10 to -5 in a flash. This is what I have noticed:

HOW IMPORTANT IT REALLY IS TO SURROUND YOURSELF WITH THE PEOPLE YOU WANT AND WHO WANT YOU. NOT THE PEOPLE WHO YOU MAKE YOU COMPROMISE THINGS- ANYTHING! The people I am spending my time with. I saw my girlfriends and we went painting on Sunday and that was AWESOME! I need those outings to laugh and be me. I got up and worked out, had practice and if you read my earlier post (about b-ball) I was over the moon. But I'm certain I cried at least 3 times today.

TO remember who you are. I KNOW. I CANNOT BELIEVE I HAVE TO REMIND MYSELF THIS BUT ITS TRUE! I'm human. I've told you that. I had a kid come up and tell me another student hated me...I bawled like a baby (in the bathroom, on lunch) thinking "what have I done wrong?" "is this for me?" " or "how do they not see I am helping them and say such hurtful things..." THEY'RE 7, 8 OR 9! Humility at its finest. Within in hour I got a sorry letter from my student and we were "best friends" again. In other words, so beyond resolved.

But I could feel that pain lingering throughout the day...I still think- 5 minutes ago- "what am I doing? I feel like I have so much to say and maybe this isn't it." MAYBE BUT I DO LOVE IT so I need to hang in there for right now because when I took that extra second to check out my class today, I said to myself "these kids are why you're here. Every single one of them is unique and special and AWWWWW in their own way." They need me. That's why they bug me remember? "Miss. Rennie!" every 2 seconds, though I've said please sit at your desk and wait patiently for me ILL BE RIGHT THERE BUDDY! But I was likely the same if not worse.