oh man. What a day yesterday, but not enough to surprise me anymore you know? I was so used to being "shit on" metaphorically speaking that at this point: hit me with your best shot, fire away.
I'm over it. By "it" I mean, taking this stuff so seriously. This whole "fight back" has been quite the time. A full on fucking roller coaster in so many realms of my life- health, family, relationships, school....But I did it. I did it all. I got through it all.
Someone from my past said to me yesterday "Keep pushing. You're Strong and lots to offer the world" And with no hesitation this was my response:
"I know I do. Trust me, more than ever I have gained insight into my purposes and gifts. I'm blessed and there's nothing that can change that.
But I can't describe the pain my heart feels sometimes, it's insanely painful and unfortunately it is so that it affects my whole body. And I'm alone now and have been for some time and I'm killing it. I'm strong. But when I'm weak, my fucking goodness (sorry for swearing, again) am I weak. Like to ask you what I did I just sat there and couldn't believe myself I've come so far.
Self inflicted or not, I have felt so much pain and so much loss this year alone. I lost my best friend and my dog and it took me a long time to really understand that those events happened to make me stronger- so I can bare the unbearable. It doesn't make sense in the time but I'm pushing.
My ego has got in the way of a lot of things, and by ego I mean trying to search for and through people to heal myself. It's up to me.
So, to Jonnie, I just want to say I was wrong, I know. I'm sorry. Agree to disagree on love...
I FEEL LIFTED. I have done some emotional "vomiting" as I like to call it AND I GOT MY HAIR DONE!
I put a little blonde in it and I like it! Always fun to change it up.
I have been so sick lately it feels nice to feel good in my looks at least...pathetic but true. It's been a hell of a ride this week, let me enjoy it.
I've been loving doing me. I'm vision boarding, painting, dancing, walking, meeting new people, exploring and finally doing what I want because I want to...simple as that. I am not trapped, I have goodness in my life. I am grateful for so much, especially Grail Springs where I am going tomorrow for a very special week! (Couple days... Healing first)
HOW CAN YOU NOT BE GRATEFUL WITH A PLACE LIKE THIS?
THANKS UNIVERSE
LOVE
Dorothy
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