As a mental health advocate, I like to give the people the truth. The raw reality of my life, the people in it and experiences that all have interactions with myself and my illnesses. 

I like to talk about feelings and emotions-the associated thoughts one has and try and dig deeper if I can knowing that I have a graceful power of letting people speak their truths or identify with some of the unfamiliarities of those feelings. So this Boxing Day I'm going to continue speaking my truth and I'm not going to put a mask on and pretend today I am doing super fantastic because honestly, I don't feel that way. At all. 

I feel fine, which is better than low because I wouldn't be writing this if I was low. Anxiety and depression are a mess sometimes. Most days I feel like I got the day, I can control whatever disaster hits me and then there are those days where I'm like "when will this day be over because I'm not sure of anything. What to do, where to go, how to feel, should I reach out? Is anything the matter? Let me just think..." I must say to myself "let me just think," 10000000 times. ALL I DO IS THINK HAHA! That's the odd time like today where I can catch myself and just say "you're thinking. A lot. 

Then there are times where I don't want to move from my room, and I just stick to myself hoping someone will need me and I can step in. That's a sad reality, but that's my reality and I am ok with this learning/process/journey. I say that because on the days where I feel more like myself and can bust a move, I laugh so much with myself! I enjoy every little thing that happens around me. I am really good at pulling my stuff together and being apart of life. Notice what I just did there? Knocked myself. 

I can still pull my "stuff" together and be apart of life when I'm not in the best of moods, but I have to be good to myself. I have to take care of myself. Sometimes that's by writing, but rather than keeping it to myself today I'm blogging about it. 

I'm human. I'm sick, not weak. 

This holiday was hard. My energy was low, not as bad today, because I keep getting emotional when I "didn't  want to," as I find when I cry  it's like it turns off a part of my brain, and depending on the cry it's either small or average-done for the day- or just goes black and I can't feel it until at least the next day. I feel this pain behind my eyes from crying, as the tears are so real. I become slower and less motivated and my thinking patterns can take the form of "just get through today. What are you grateful for?" Serenity prayer cause it really helps me. Like incredibly so. Over and over. 

That reminds me. My brother- the one who taught me about kindness indirectly taught me a very neutral way or reaction to someone yesterday in lieu of a discussion regarding religion and merry Christmas- 

"Do I believe in god? No. Do I say merry Christmas yes? Do I believe Mary gave birth to baby Jesus, not necessarily but I can appreciate the thought." BAM THANK YOU G MAN. We can appreciate people's feelings and their religions even, if we take that extra second and think. Awareness- use it! 

I try being there for others and often find myself depleted of my energy or from absorbing theirs, which is my fault. I choose to stay on the phone and listen to a friend tell me how "I'm not like you, I can't just forget things" 

Uh...I'm a Scorpio by nature and I can't let shit go. But I move along everyday trying and trying and I guess I'm succeeding most days. But you are like me, you can seek help like I did, online, through a book and have someone, an icon, open your eyes and perspective to a more fulfilling life. Like going with the flowing and accepting whatever is will be. All I can control is ME! #Rhyme 

My family, as much as I love them and appreciate all they do for me everyday- are like any human and cannot be perfect. I have controlled my emotions unlike any year of my life this year I can admit that. I'm proud of that. What I mean to say is, when I feel like I'm getting personally upset, I walk away, take a lap, shed a tear or listen to song. Get back out there. If I can't, I don't push myself but this year I've been so successful. 

So when people say things to me in lieu of me advising them such as "ya you can do that..." "your family..." "my parents...." NOTHING. It's not about them, it's about YOU. You can choose to hold on to the pain, anger and hate but when you wake up every day how does that feel? How can you work with that? What steps do you need to take to be able to remove those shadows because they're going to haunt you otherwise, and I say this from personal experience. 

With all the sh!t going on in this world, why consciously choose to "hate" people. You don't have to let them in on everything you do or even see them, but when they leave this earth you're going to wish your last penny you said SOMETHING. Morbid, raw, truth. 

Yesterday my grandmas boyfriend passed away. This woman has outlived 2 husbands and a boyfriend, yet I'm crying because I miss my dog and having a my happy ex boyfriend around. Guess what? Just as valid. Laugh all you want, but we're both experiencing an emotion that our brain registers and I'd be doing myself no favours by ignoring that emotion. 

As early as the age of 7 our subconscious is pre wired with social, cultural, emotional, familial, ideological values. Not adult ones, but I bet their better. Like my one student who thought college was stupid because we had no recess. Ya buddy! Tell em! 

If you didn't feel amazing this holiday, I hear you. My experiences might be different but I can relate to your emotion and I'm here to say, you're not alone. Not now. Not ever. 

"So make sure you love like you've never been hurt and when you dance dance like there's no one watching you cause this shit is not about pants and this shit is not about shirts and this shit is definitely not about hair." #GetFighted #Alexisonfire ENJOY YOUR LIFE SOMEHOW! Release your insecurities for a minute by dancing like a maniac and you'll feel a release. Even if it's just for a moment. 

I feel better...it's amazing how this stuff works sometimes. 

Have a lovely Boxing Day xox 

"There are things that are stopping us, but the things that are stopping us are inside of us. It's not money, it's not the people, it's not the situation. It's ourself." Bob Proctor
Well said, Bobby! 👏🏻
We're all "guilty" of this. (Just like we're all guilty of secretly disliking the snow and how cold we get in the winter especially when our hair freezes when you walk outside, or it's just me)

Thankfully we have the personal power to change our vibrations and frequencies through our conscious and subconscious thinking.
If you're not feeling great, your operating in a negative frequency, stop and think about what you're grateful for. What brings you joy or love. This simple self gratifying tool honestly lifts you up and your frequencies; your day doesn't seem so hard or so long.

If it does, change it. Drop out, quit, send the email, "kiss the girl" {Sebastian from the Little Memaid}, try something that's out of your comfort zone so you can grow--take action and keep moving forward.

This is your life. It's not a race, but when you change your "vibration" you change your life.

Surrender

Surrender to what is 

Let go of what is 

Embrace what's to come...

It's no secret I went through a breakup this year. But before I broke up with my ex boyfriend, my dog died at the age of 4. January 27, 2016. It was also my moms birthday. I can still feel the pain of my mom telling me, T trying to comfort me and in that instant I should have known-I screamed and said get away from me- When I look back I try thinking why? Why did I push that love away so many times, especially when I was grieving. I threw my logic aside for what I thought I wanted, which was a loving relationship but ultimately I knew this person would and could never be there for me the way I needed emotionally. I lost and went through too much tragedy for him to understand how deep things ran in my body and in my heart. I don't blame him, but I pulled the panic cord right after Miss Universe Canada (I didn't want anything messing up with my competiton) 

I lost my dog and my best friend in a matter of months. Then I lived in our apartment alone for a couple months, moved to Woodstock and became my whole self again minus the physical love I had for my pup. I would be lying if I said this didn't affect me, I don't know why people like to dismiss death-human or dog they both have a spirit. But it utterly broke my heart and still hurts a lot to this day. 

I found myself battling in my head constantly between what I thought was right and what was reality. That's the thing with depression, we have such a realistic mind set it's almost insensible to find reason s why this shit happens but it happens for a reason and I accept that. My dog and his loss has faced me so many times. Like the first week of my practicum and I meet a student named Dante. Or how often I would see German shepherds, and not just your average bear, one just as beautiful and dark as my Dante. Such a good looking dog. My ex was ok too, but once his hair got long that was it.

Some dudes can rock it, I'm not trying it be mean but his made him (makes him) look girly I just can't play with it and feel like "ya this is my man," hahahahah ! and that's my opinion, I would tell this to his face when we dated too. No wonder we were not as intimate.. (sorry mom and dad) 

This year I had to surrender. Surrending felt like giving up,it felt like everything I lost this year I was just saying "fine, have your way then." Till I realized it was more about resistance, resisting the urge to email him and get upset because I found out he did some shady stuff while away one time. 

I KNEW IT TOO! Never quiet your intuition ladies, I have a super woman to thank for that reminder- his amazing ex girlfriend I knew I would one day befriend because I sensed this urge of us finally laying out on the table all the shitty and laughable things one does-everyone needs to do this, it's healing. Humility. He's not a bad person we just had a lot of stories we could relate to. "Classics," if you will. 

So I resisted. I just said resist. And all that has flowed my way since is truly remarkable. It's like taking off a layer of skin filled with both good but also bad memories, and just walking away from it. Never having to look back or pick it up again, just let it be and keep moving.. it feels amazing. Till last week I found out more bad news bears about the dude but rather than letting it get to me I stood up for myself and simply asked for my money back and went back to my life, IT WAS AWESOME. 

I'm not just sharing this because I feel like it. Well, I do. But I also know this time of the year is hard for many reasons for a lot of people and I would be lying if I said this time of year didn't bring up a heap of Christmas memories with both his family and mine. 

I'm sharing this as a reminder to many that pains and aches come in all shapes and sizes, and often unexpectedly. I hear you and I want you to know that this time doesn't have to be the most wonderful time of the year for you if it isn't. But try and make something of it. Maybe that's spring or Easter, regardless, make this season about what brings you the most joy. Write down what you've gone through to see how far you've come. family doesn't have to be blood that's one of the best most fortunate gifts I acquired this year was the number of people (2 or 3) I call my family now, I love you girls so much and you know who you are. Thank you for accepting me in all my forms and always understanding. Or bringing me bagel when I felt like I was gonna pass out.

Take the risk 

Go into this new year with hope. Hope for yourself and no one else (be selfish) 

To all that hurts you, surrender. Resist. 

Love

Dorothy 

All Are Significant

This post is vulnerable for me in that it could be perceived in two ways, and already I find it interesting how this has me thinking of what the audience will think when usually I write and write and think "you're honouring yourself. "I still am, but I never want my posts to be seen as ruthless or exposing posts, they're just really real. They're things I feel or see in my life from my lenses and trust me, I wear plenty of them. I also think it's important to share our life experiences because someone somewhere can always relate or identify with a peiece and I hope it's for the better.

I just want to live in a world where acceptance and love go hand in hand. I'm tired of the judgments, they don't do anything but kill. Please choose your words wisely. 

-------------------------


"Like I said a few months ago, you really threw me off that day, and your behaviour after that was erratic and kinda weirded me out...I'm sorry you're a nice girl but certain things are too much...I just can't " 


This comment was said to me today by an individual I met this year and after 1 day spent with me in person. We didn't know each other from atom, I went to see her one day to help her with an event she was throwing because we originally connected as good gal pals. I was shocked we started face timing becaus I don't even do that with my own friends but whatever that was the nature of the friendship at the time. So ya, I drove from Waterloo to past aurora to meet this individual. My illnesses crept up on me this day and rather than sitting here asking myself why someone would think I weirded them out, I'm just gonna blog about it.

The summer was an emotionally and mentally confusing time for me, and when we were together I began to notice my energy was incredibly anxious and affected by the conversation. This person is a good person and I respect them, however, after messaging me a few weeks ago regarding the interest of a hockey player whose first comment in meeting me was about my chest and told me not to type so much but "because he was a nice guy he would read my messages this once"  (I will not name this person ) I'm just going to throw out a lesson of literacy, respect and kindness.

We're not getting it.
We are just not getting it.

In college we were taught and reminded that we treat everyone, no matter where we go, like an equal. 

For example: we treat the teachers, prinicipal and janitor as one. Just because we aren't familiar with something does not give us the right to say or do things that make them feel otherwise. And it's true, half the time I would argue Reg from my school did more work  than I did. Elementary schools are not clean spaces, I mean this was clean, but not without my man Reg. it's not that complicated when you think you just have to be a decent human to other humans like you.

I adopted this philosophy of "just be kind"from my brother. I remember one holiday we spent time together at the mall and at a restaurant and the way he treated the service staff or whomever was helping us was so nice ! Just being himself saying thanks so much, I appreciate your help-acknowledgement or validation if you will. And if you've ever been in public with me, I befriend every person now, I always talk to people around me. I see how much it can surprise people or just make other people calm, say at a Tim Hortons cash register- I'm not the angry person in the morning who can't wait 10-15 more seconds for a coffee. I can!!!! 

I get it, people have places to go people to see "time is money," and we have made everything around us so simple with the tap of plastic I can pay for so many things and walk out of store. But when I leave a store I don't just think about myself. I want to leave that place feeling good and not like I made the cashier feel like shit, I don't know what her day is like or what's behind that smile. It's taken me some time to learn this but it's a valuable lesson. 

This post, however, is not about just treating everyone as an equal because in a such a polarized world, what the fudge does that even look like? I'll tell you: our friend awareness. 

Self awareness 

Self regulation 

Self management 

The self is not just about the self though, it never is and never has been. As I said earlier, when I'm leaving a store I don't want to walk out feeling like the grinch so I behave and treat others the way I would like to be. Some call it the golden rule, a it's been around since at least 1778. 

Have you ever seen a person in public who you didn't know and thought they were behaving weird or erratic? (I'll explain in detail what was going through my mind and body) Do you go tell that person they're behaving weird and erratic and you simply can't because it's too much? NO! We understand it has nothing to do with us and either keep moving or talk to them for aid.  Even if I was acting out of sorts, there's likely a reason. 

I had a shit ton of anxiety the moment I got to her house. I immediately began to feel like my old self, the one who drove so far just for a party and being social, take some cute photos. But I tried to say no it's different that's not you anymore. In other words I was fighting a battle inside she had 0 clue about from the start and that's ok. To no fault of her own. I was also in an argument with my parents and that was overwhelming me. So all my own stuff going on. 

Driving around the mention of getting super drunk and talking about drugs and wondering if so and so would show up--THAT WAS TOO MUCH. My erratic behaviour took the form of me being unable to control my thinking and feeling completely uncomfortable and the only thing I knew to do was breathe, not let my thoughts cycle out and go home, so I did. 

I don't understand what "just too much" that she just couldn't, was about when like I said this was 

maybe a week long friendship. Had I had a full on panic attack in front of her maybe. I mean, ya the way we try and protect what we're feeling is weird and the thoughts are weird but WEIRDING SOMEONE OUT? It's almost fucking 2017!!!!!!!!!! I'm sorry but the French word here is my passion saying WEIRD AND mental health or PANIC ATTACKS DONT GO HAND IN HAND

You see, I'm recovering from that phase of my life. I no longer drink and with that went the associated party drugs. To each their own I cannot judge, as that would be hypocritical. Yet, I needed to protect myself. And I felt embarrassed. I always do. I feel guilty, weak; like "why can't you just be around these people and feel like yourself? Why must you always have this battle with yourself?"

"Just chill," was the final straw. Today too. Telling someone with anxiety or depression, especially while they're having an attack you know nothing about  is like telling a blind man to open his eyes. Treat people with the dignity and respect they deserve. If you don't know that's ok, but don't assume and say things that have the potential to really hurt someone. 

What this girl witnessed was likely her first time seeing something who is sober trying to sort her shit  out in a town she doesn't know with a girl she hardly knows, but recognizes. A lot of my old self that did not work for me, personally and that's ok. We're two different individuals! We're allowed our own ways, opinions  pand perceptions. But weirded you out, it's just too much and you can't even. YOU CANT EVEN WHAT?!?! Hahah I don't understand when people say this, finish your sentence. What is so unspeakable? 

I suffer uniquely but we survive the same way. Through support, encouragement, speaking up for others who feel like they "weird," people out. To anyone who thinks that, remove that thought from your brain because you are not weird, nor is how you behave weird. Some people simply just don't get it yet and it's not our problem to figure that out for them. We can only move forward knowing what's weird to them is our "normal', and it's way more fascinating and kind. I am loved purely for who I am and accepted for all my "flaws," I don't need to prove my worth to anyone. And neither do you. 

We are ALL significant awesome and wonderful. What's weird to you is normal to me and by sharing or talking about it I have the capacity to save a life or maybe inspire someone versus the alternative. I'd take that any day of the week. 

Love, Dorothy xo 

Be The Change

Young Minds

When we grow up we're directed into ways that more often than not prevent us from taking risks, reaching our destiny, or aquiring a dream. We have young and "day dreaming" minds....(ya right)

Maybe we feel like we weren't given a fair chance; the classic "no that's not practical ," or you're sick, finances, family member was sick, or maybe we're "ok" with how our lives are right now because they're not so bad. And your right on the latter, life really isn't that bad when you take a look around and see what you do have versus what you don't. Right? Let's be mature about this and use our adult thinking... Now hold this thought..Life is ok.

Maybe you look around and see A job, family, money, a house, a car, a garden, a fish, friends, a cottage. 1000% those are wonderful and none those  pieces of life should not be taken for granted. But neither should time.

Ultimately we are all going to die, as Jobs said it's life change agent. It provides room for those of us who want to make an influence in a world fed by tradition and historical culture. And this is where I become perplexed because as much as people say they are willing to change or to shoot for the stars, how many of us actually follow through on that and do the the right thing for themselves. Trudeau just lied and sold out to a corporate business(laments terms) and hell, Canada still doesnt have a gosh darn national suicide strategy plan.  And I'm just going to say it, Trump is president. So enough with the I cants, the young mind bull crap, millennial assumptions and go after what YOU want. Personal Power.

Bring that thought back in or why you cannot or have not been able to fulfill a piece or part of your life because I'm here to tell you, you can. But only YOU can. Don't get me wrong, it's way easier said than done. But that whole authentic truth and living your own destiny, that is possible.

 Martin Luther King didn't have a dream, he was the dream. To stand up and advocate for a group of HUMAN BEINGS that we're undoubtedly segregated and marginalized. While it has been in action, it has yet to be put to rest. Steve jobs didn't know how much time he had on this earth, but he wasn't afraid of taking unorthodox risks that by in large changed the world and our communication systems; his thinking was "too different," for others to see, but he saw it and now everyday I am able to creatively express myself through my blog, listening to music, or able to take neat photos. I can see my mom in Beamsville or if my brothers in a good mood I'll FaceTime him in Australia! How wild is that.

That's called influence. Everything around us is made up by people no smarter than you and I. They pushed limits and while they were adults about it, I'm sure we can all agree, especially with my man Jobs, there were times where they needed to take a break to embrace their inner child and reboot. Find joy, inspiration.


I'm told all the time "Oh to be young again," listen lady you had your shot too. I'm 25. And yes, over the past 3 years I've become increasingly more aware but that's all because of my willingness to pursue self growth and listening to my "hunches."

When I look at where I was this time last year it looks nothing like I expected.

2015 to 2016 : just introduced to Woodstock and the Best college program ever, living in the Bauer lofts in Waterloo like I had "always wanted," I was in a relationship which at the time I was completely happy with (until my mom one day mentioned Easter weekend plans and after 3 years I felt like I was married) splitting Christmas, spending time and energy in a lot of environments with people that are great people but serve absolutely 0 purpose in my life and life purpose (sunlife Xmas party, that's not against the people at all, just the environment that's a personal opinion no big).



Afraid of what my life would look like if I went out on my own, was I going to become a child and youth counsellor already? I was jut getting the momentum of speaking aloud and telling my story...
I loved being in the class with the kids but I still didn't feel like it was enough...I felt good when I got home, content, always a day well spent. I felt good going to the school or placement knowing I was the Justin Bieber of CYCs. My favourite fan club.

 2016 to 2017: Broke my heart, moved out on my own to a foreign small town where I found peace in my self and the things around me. In other words, the unknowing of it all. It was fun discovering Woodstock and myself in the process. SICKNOTWEAK Stock happened and seeing Landsberg up there saying how important it is we share our stories, I couldn't stop thinking about this and the organization. I loved what it stood for.

I had to figure out a ton of big girl things, including how to properly take care of myself and nourish myself, while maintaining physical activity for my brain. But rather than running everyday I Dance or do some fun workouts-switch it up because I can. Still not drinking alcohol and boy does that help.

One of the most challenging experiences was when I realized I had to be the one to make the final decision about my program and whether it was worth the risk. When I asked for the withdrawal papers I was informed that was the last day to hand them in, and thanks to my new found love and faith in coincidence, early childhood dream of being on a stage, astrology and numerology I withrdrew. I can go back but I know what these disorders are, after getting an 82 on a physical component I said "I've got this for now, maybe it's time to try something like my hobbies,"

Exactly as one of my horoscopes read, I'm pursuing what I want without having to "conform" to society's expectations, my spirit feels free, excited and loving each day contrary to anxious and consistently uncertain. I am working towards a goal that has always been apart of me and who I am. I have the most amazing people in my circle right now and not one of them makes me feel bad for being who I am, pursuing what I need, encouraging me when I don't even know I need it, or taking the risk that I did- leaving everything I know for what I believe in. And ya people who love you support you, but I'm not switching from BMO to TD, I'm going from history to cyc to an event coordinator, operator, helper, make it poossibler (haha) BUT YOU BEST BELIEVE THIS IS GOING TO BE ONE HELL OF A RIDE BECAUSE IM A DREAMER AND A DOER! And a Dorothy.

Having a young mind is nothing but an advantage. Talking to a pharmacy group the other day I was told I have "wisdom that is almost concerning," and I'm humbled by that. But too, a lot of my knowledge and perspectives come from tragedy, suffering, watching children suffer and not being able to do anything about it. I used to think I was sooooo unintelligent. Problem is, that young mind and dream of mine almost got away.

I know what I want and I've taken some weird routes to try and get there, but I'm getting there. I trust my crazy ideas and I know I will influence this world. And I really hope it continues through my mental health work. Not every day is perfect but I'm living my life according to my terms and that's how I get the most use of my personal power.


I'm also no longer afraid to speak up, lovingly, and take action where I see fit versus feeling like I'm just apart of the temporary bandaid.

I'm glad I stuck around to tell my story and share bits and pieces. I'm grateful I'm still alive.
But even more than that, I'm beyond thankful for the current opportunities and what's coming my way next year. I'm going to get loud.

This is my shot, and one day I want to look a young woman in the eyes and rather than saying oh you're so young, it's nice to have someone young in the room, I'm going to give her a high five or fist pump whatever is trendy and say "YOU GO GIRL! WAY TO TAKE THE BULL BY ITS HORNS!"

Thank you Landsberg.  Thanks for your faith.


I'm being the change I wish to see in the world, put simply. You should too!

Love Dorothy

Conversation

this week was the first week I genuinely felt like the energy, the tears, the uncertainty, the fears towards my "future"(I'm not giving anything away) have all paid off.

I had two conversations, both of which led to me talking further for their groups or in front of their groups.

I did a podcast with a group from the States as their first episode- IM MOT EVEN AMERICAN HOW COOL IS THAT? Go Canada 🇨🇦

it's wild to think that none of these things, big or small, would have happened had I not taken the actions I did this year. It blows my mind how accurate every insight I got from January to the summer from counsellors, astrologists, psychics,  and eventually my one intuition/zodiac guru. Why don't we use the resources around us?

I read more than I thought possible. I graduated with a history major.... #ReadTillYouDie #jokes
I've learned more than I ever dreamed possible.
I've contributed to causes and events/schools/projects more than I thought I would be able to.

I'm doing what I want to do without having to conform completely with society!!!!!!!!!!! I still have to obey the law. Stop at a red light. But I'm not in school to pursue my dream, however, it helped. But finishing it right now isn't my priority, nor is it the opportunity knocking at my door. For once this is all about opportunities  I worked for too! My family and friends don't know the networks I have and simply because they don't find themselves in the same rooms as these individuals or reaching out to to them on twitter hoping they will respond. Not yet anyways.

I'm so determined. I am so passionate about this cause.

2 talks in 2017 already.


You have to have faith in something right? I went with my gut.

And I will continue to, rest in trust, resist and warrior on


Love Dorothy

The Power Of Speaking Your Truth

 For some beautiful reason, I have been so incredibly humbled and fortunate to receive such raw and vulnerable messages from individuals in my social circle.

When I say for some reason, I know why. I just mean that, no part of them has to say anything to me. They could continue on being silent, but they begin to feel the fear dissipate; the feelings of "shit I'm really making this happen. Who knew?!?!" YOU DID, I DID. 

These messages are both old some new, but ultimately they all have one thing on common the power to believe in themselves and fight for their lives because they're worth that. They're warriors. 

NO MATTER WHAT YOU ARE EXPERIENCING- REACH OUT 

YOURE NOT ALONE 

WHEN WE SHARE WE FINALLY BREAK THE CYCLE OF KEEPING THESE STORIES, THESE HUMAN LOVE STORIES- YOUR LIFE- A CHANCE TO BE HEARD, A CHACNE FOR SOMEONE TO RELATE AND SAY MAYBE I CAN DO THIS. BREAKING STIGMA. STIGMA KILLS. WE DONT NEED IT. YOU ARE YOU THATS IT. 

AND BAM 203 days later you're not lost but just following the path going in the direction of YOUR journey.

This is why I do what I do. Not because I get kind messages, but because I know it works. Doubt is such a butt head. I sit there all the time like as if I just told everyone that

...haha everyone....

It feels like that. But then I tell myself if even one person gains something from my words or the words of another then that's why I wrote it. And it feels good on my end to express what I truly feel versus the smile I slap on.  

The truth can hurt, but so do our hearts sometimes. 

It's better to face it, but look around at how many people are going through something similar. 

Visit my new place of Mental Health WarriorNess www.sicknotweak.com and I guarantee you'll find incredibly inspiring stories and messages of hope. 

Hope is a mindset. You have to physically and mentally hold on to hope. 

Hold on Pain Ends 

Hell Of A Girl

Yesterday one of my best friends showed me this picture of my ex boyfriend with his new girlfriend in a photo with his grandfather. He doesn't see his grandfather all that often, moreover, this was in Tennessee. Never made it there, but I got to Aspen! anyways, it hit me in a weird spot for the first time in a while and I'm sharing because I think it's important to share. 

My job is literally sharing my story for millions to relate to so why stop now?

So many of us can relate to a broken heart or a Polk of the bear. 

1st. He likes my best friends pictures of her ass her sexy outfits-she's hot that's not her fault (, I asked him not to do this it's sad he has to be told twice)- "he appreciates beauty" This isn't for control. This is for my well being, my respect and his. 

I'm happy he is happy genuinely. I don't want people being unhappy. I am happy! But that doesn't mean I don't have my moments. We were together for 3 years and sadly I thought that was it. This is who I am marrying. Until I got that anxiety that was like "I can barely be around you without shaking," still like that to this day. It's almost like my body physiologically was trying to tell me how unhappy I was, it worked. 

But just like that you're "replaced," the photos so quickly went from this tall brunette to a short blonde. The human heart doesn't work that quickly but maybe he's defying those goals. He was or is the type for a relationship so I can't say I didn't see this coming, I just didn't expect it so quickly. 

The holidays too, after three years, it's an adjustment for sure. Just a lot less busier and I'm ok with that. I miss the babies, but I just love babies. I miss his parents. They're such wonderful people. Of all the guys I dated, hands down the best set of parents. You go Les and Ty. They always made me feel so loved and apart of the family, I'll never forget that so long as I live. 

Reality is we broke up for a reason and when I'm down I lose sight of those reasons. While in the moment I get upset that my friends share news with me, it makes me  stronger each time. I have to stare it, with no one next to me expect my blanket. That's growth. If i can make it through those nights I'm fine. 

The blanket I sleep with has a date on it, January twenty seventh and that happens to be my moms birthday and the date my dog passed away. THE DAY I saw jay z, and I met this amazing guy yesterday and guess when his birthday is? Jan twenty seven. SHIT HAPPENS FOR A REASON. IM NOT SAYIN IM MARRYIJG THIS GUY BUT WHAT ARE THE CHANCES....and he's a history major, BONUS 

Anyways, 

Protect your heart but don't shut it off. Be open but don't be naive, Especially not for three years. 

Love 

Dorothy 

DOROTHYSAYS

IVE BEEN AWAY! Learning. Researching. Soul searching. Acquiring. Writing. Singing. Dancing. Painting.  Creating and planning.

Best decision I ever made: remove the fear and left Fanshawe. im finally able to pursue what I want without conforming to societal systematic rules, I get to be the early intervention we so badly need at every level of education.

My new job consists of me organizing these events, making it happen. In other words, collect the like minded and put together an event that speaks to people. That provides that humanzing factor I cannot find in CYC school.

I just came back from "soul school," for a week and my god did I learn so much about myself. It's not that I don't like what I do, it's thst my brain now works in such a way that I'm always teaching myself new things and finding alternate Methods. As it stands, how we speak,approach and deal with mental health in education is pathetic and I don't want to be apart of the problem when I know and fully believe to my core I can be apart of the solution. I'm not going to physically restrain a child, sorry I don't need to add to their trauma. My therapist and I went into depth about this and said so what would you do and my answer shocked her. Problem is you can't explain the conscious to the unconscious "that has yet to be awaken," by this energy force we're apart of. So I'd tell you but it wouldn't "apply"

One day

 It helps when your boss has the same atttitude as you too;  Whatever it takes. 

Using my weird skills od everything I will make this happen.
I am determined to make SICKNOTWEAK and our communities safer and healthier.
Just general health tips at necesssary these days


To those wondering what I do with my life now: I enjoy it. I love the pressures I have versus what I was doing and I'm gladness I followed my heart, not enough of us do. The people I've met AGAIn (cycling through like it's out of style)

For the first time in a long time I feel really confident about where I am. These are skills I naturally have-creative marketing? Sales? Time to perfect them...
Really it's just amazing to have the faith of yourself and someone like Michael because the passions align. Not easy to find, especially with the same influence and is willing to put themselves on the line for whatever you think you can pull together. Woah baby.


Peterborough was incredible and there was a girl I had the pleasure of meeting in Bancroft recently who wanted to go to that event but she couldn't due to work. Her best friend recently took her life and she has ben struggling to find peace within it all, naturally. It's easy for her community to make her out to seem like a bad mom because she took her life? No. no one gets to speak to as to why someone took their life, that's an individual and far from selfish act. You have no idea what's going though our mind so do us a favour and don't even try. Unless you're willing to be open and understanding therefore apart of this movement.

I finally forgave myself and said it OUT LOUD! It was so emotionally beautiful. Taking the time to take care of your soul. Seriously! I've been painting like crazy lately, singing more, EVEN training myself to dance. I'm doing it all.


Do I get tired? Ya. But I'm taking care of myself and only myself which makes it a hell of a lot easier.
It's December and I'm happy! what the HECK! I love this!!!

TO ALL US WOMEN:





"A strong woman knows that being strong is not an option for her, it's a necessity.

"So, every day she wakes up and meets the world and all of its challenges head on. But sometimes, at the end of the day, when all is said and done and she finally closes the door, she cries. Not because she’s weak, but because it’s hard being strong, day after day, knowing that if you don’t do it, no one will. The soft cries that most will never hear slowly disappear as the new day comes and you rise once again to be the strong, confident woman you are." -Mr. Amari Soul #ReflectionsOfAMan


Love Dorothy

11/21/16

The Day I turned 25:

This post will be lengthy, as I feel it is my responsibility and to share exactly what felt and witnessed this day. It was certainly a day I will never forget. As Fleury said "Tell them. Tell them what you witnessed in this room tonight."


“People really fear and hate the things they don’t understand. I am a suicide survivor”
- Clint Malarchuk 

Summary: A day of mental health personal experiences, stories, and the stories of 10 courageous Canadian athletes including Hayley Wickenheiser (more like WICKEDheiser -the good kind-), Clint Malarchuk, Andrew Jensen, Theo Fleury and last but never least, Michael Landsberg. On my birthday. This day has provided me with so much insight on my life and the human life in general, I cannot wait to share it with you all. 

Twenty Five and I am Alive 

I will start this story by sharing the end piece, because thanks to my friend humility I am laughing at myself now. I got home at around 2:30 am, I lit 2 candles in a sprinkle donut, Vanilla Dip to be exact, sang happy birthday to myself engulfed in tears from both singing HBD to myself and sobbing two hours straight after dropping off a wonderful woman I had the pleasure of driving(thats not sarcastic, I am so grateful to have met "her" who I will refer to shortly) freezing in my apartment, alone. But for 3 hours I was in a room full of 440 people who all had 1 thing in common with me; a desire, will, aspiration to stop the stigma and weak mentality mind set surrounding Mental Health, and ultimately stop the excruciating pain of death by suicide. 

I woke up excited like any birthday before thinking it was "my day," but slowly I realized it was like the previous years, exciting, but the thrill factor does not exist without roommates jumping in or having everyone in a class, job, whatever sing you happy birthday-- you've gotta blow out your own candles, even set them-- I know!  The tragedy....Just kidding! But I was stuck in a "some birthday" funk. 

I did not take into account my activities for the day, as they were not planned around my birthday so much as it was the celebration of a myriad of things, I just couldn't see that then. You see,  I was consumed in a car driving from the Stock to Peterborough and back for a big part of the day and I didn't realize the adventure/story I was going to have to tell because I was thinking about how my birthday used to look like, versus what it was right there in that moment; REMARKABLE. 

Whatever. I'm 25. I'm not 21, I am glad I wasn't drunk and crying about a boyfriend of 5 years ago, you know? 


LETS REWINDDDDDDDDD


Monday, November 21st, 2016 I had the pleasure of attending and being apart of An Evening With Landsberg and Friends. Being that I am now apart of the SICKNOTWEAK team I was honoured the pleasure of picking up and dropping off Jennifer Hedger. This woman is something else. Not just down to earth, but someone I am now very inspired by for a variety of reasons; her ability to dominate the sportscentre reporting in a male dominated industry, the ability to just be herself and own it like Beyonce because she can, like Michael, raw but kind people. When people are honest that's honesty,truthfulness not arrogance. They are smart individuals with real and authentic expressions of how they see the world and exist in it. They know who they are. Nothing wrong with that. 

So I left at 1:30 pm, BUT at 11:00 am my phone decides- that's it! Out with the screen. HA YOU STINK! No problem. Innovation and my Ipad. I got this. So I printed off the directions from place to place and off I went. Brought my donations, myself, some snacks, (4 hours there and back), music. Then I would have great company for the other portions! 

Half way to Toronto I realize I didn't have my debit card and I had about $20 bucks in random change so I filled my tank to 426 km! Perfect. By the time we got to Peterborough I had 152 km-- Stopped in Toronto cause I got a bit lost-- I am in the midst of a celebrity, public image in the sports world, no phone, no money, it's freezing outside and I know NO ONE, except Michael of course. But as you can see, he is a massive portion of the event so it's not like I'm just gonna chit chat with the guy all night. I was subconciously worried and thinking about my drive home, though I knew I would make it. And I did thanks to Jennifer (saving Grace!)

The event goal was to raise awareness and money for SICKNOTWEAK and TEAM55 for mental health and suicide prevention. More importantly, to have a conversation about topics such as suicide, depression, anxiety, addiction, sexual victimization, being a public face, wanting to die, wanting to live, the numerous trials of medications and doctors tried and said. And there was over 440 people there listening, the energy was a combination of emotions-- unlike any room I've been in to this day. 

I had a couple moments of "Why am I here?" Till I realized I was exactly where I needed to be. I have followed my gut, why am I suddenly doubting myself? I don't even have to do anything but just  be apart of the magic." I saw Michael and something in me was like you need to say something and I'm really glad I did, though he had a whole friggen show to worry about, he said "come here, come talk to me for a second, what's going on?" I couldn't explain it very well and he responded with "what is it you are feeling" and it hit me, fear. anxiety. worry. the emotions that love to consume my brain for no reason. Or at least not to the degree to which it does sometimes...

SO, YA. THAT WAS PRETTY KIND AND SUPER COOL. He later introduced me to his daughter, Casey who is the creative designer behind the SNW logo/shirts/sweaters/...and so much more. You can tell her and Landsberg have developed a beautiful dynamic from sharing this project together. 
Casey also does a lot (if not all) the Landsblog filming. Ironically, Casey went to fashion school in the states. I always wanted to go to fashion school! HOW COOL! 

Back to the event: I could sit here and write out what each person shared, but instead I am going to share the key components I took away. Each one of them spoke with raw honesty to the hushed crowd about their mental health struggles, and the need for compassion and acceptance.

 "People are fighting battles that you know nothing about, so be kind," Malarchuk said.

I had the pleasure of being forwarded an email regarding the event by an amazing gentlemen who is a street artist and we met right at the end and this is what he had to say:
""First allow me to share that last night was magical for me. To see a room full of business folk from my town close their mouths and open their ears to vulnerability and struggle blew my mind. It was a spiritual experience for me, and I have had so very few of those in my life. Everyone was great. You and Theo have been inspiring me with your openness for a while now, but Jennifer Hedger stole the show and truly inspired me greatly. That took so much courage and she shared her story with a grace and seeming comfort that it was clear she had been close to ready for a while, but not ready to take that step. It was one of the coolest things I have ever seen to experience that moment she shared and it will inspire me as long as I live. The work you are doing with your friends is making my life easier, and others like me. We are only the first wave of voices, and your public efforts allow people to accept when folks like me share. So thank you very much. 

To Jen, 
Your story still gives me chills. I cannot express how monumental that was for every single human in that room, especially myself. I am so grateful. I still have very few words to say...I think I'm still processing. AND WE SPENT A WHOLE CAR RIDE TOGETHER. MY GOLY! Add you to the list of inspiration 

To Clint, 
Your vulnerability on that stage and after was incredible. I love how candid you were about the topics we are so often "ashamed" about, when it is our reality. Your tears shed at the end of the speech- wow. Then we hugged and held it there for a moment, just as a reminder that we really are not alone. 

Thank you for allowing your emotion to come through while telling us of how you shot yourself; the pain not for you, but for your family and hearing that 14 year old boy assuring you that the guilt you carried for so long was not meant for you to carry: "that wasn't my dad, that was the illness" this boy said. WOW. How being a goaltender on medication that practically sedates you for 15 years because you didn't see the psychiatrist for 15 years, therefore you became immune to it. That got even worse... (3 months people!Psychiatrist every 3 months or doctor whatever)

To Theo, 
I will never forget the first time I heard your story. I was watching TV in my parents room as a teenager and I swear it was the first time I had heard a story of such unjust nature towards a kid who was just trying to play the game he loved, it was beyond incomprehensible to me at the time and therefore it stuck. Your passion in sharing all of your experiences is like fire, you tell it with conviction and not because people do not believe you but you want to them to hear and feel you. You made that happen. I thank you so much. I am also grateful I got the opportunity to meet you for myself and not through the lens of anyone or any book. 

Your truth explaining your experience with having two parents who struggled immensly with addiction to the point where you had no food some nights, your hockey dream turning into somewhat of a nightmare given you were raped 150 times by Graham James who was recently released and your explanation of why you did not pull the trigger the night you set out to kill yourself. 

To LANDSberg, 
Thank you for supporting me and believing in me. Thank you for your constant efforts in a field I am so incredibly passionate about and now know I am not the only one. My "crazy" ideas are not crazy at all. We can be raw and honest about our experiences, as that is how we learn and understand. We can save lives. 

Asking for help
Acceptance
Compassion
Kindness


Shocker! no YES!  IT IS BECAUSE WE KNOW THIS YET PEOPLE ARE STILL REALLY SHITTY. I'm sorry, but it is true! Let me give you a few examples from the previous days of my own experiences and not for pity, because I don't internalize this anymore, but for awareness. 

I had a friend who is now no longer a friend because just recently we got into a disagreement and something came over her and she called me crazy, told me my blog was a bunch of "psycho babel bullshit," and I sadly believed it for a day. I cannot control what you say behind my back but to blatantly go out of your way to say such harsh comments, I send you positive wishes. That's too darn bad you feel that way. I don't. -- Why do we think its ok to say such things? It really isn't and I'm talking to myself when I say this too. 

This friend helped me this past summer when I was not in a good state and I wanted to end it and when Clint said "do you understand the pain and hurt one must be in to want to take their own lives," it sunk in my stomach like, YA! DO YOU? CAUSE IF YOU DON'T- CHECK YOURSELF BEFORE SOMEONE WRECKS THEMSELF (SEE WHAT I DID THERE) ...I get your angry but deal with that appropriately. Channel it. 

This morning I was told that one of the most painful and excruciating times of my life was "irrelevant" by someone who had nothing to do with the person I was actually talking to/showing this bouncy castle to. THATS IT! I SHOWED THEM A BOUNCY CASTLE AND THEIR GIRLFRIEND WENT OFF hahaha! Sorry. Since when was it ok for someone to dismiss a part of your life that they had nothing, like 0 to do with?  Moreover, do not tell me, the individual who went into the fire alone, what is relevant and not relevant between myself and another. But thank you. 


We have choice. We have goodness all around us simply living in this country. We have family, because blood relatives are not the only family members that count anymore. I am so proud to be apart of a movement that aims to take the sick, not weak,  in this world and turn them into heroes with purpose. 


I felt like I had more to say but for now this is all I have....

Love, 
Dorothy 

The Day Dorothy Changed

This Let Go bit is way better than Frozen just sayin' 

Super super moon

Is there anything better than super, super? Not in my world.

Not to mention it's still Scorpio season, which is sad it took me 25 years to realize how effective astrological and numerological insight could be. I won't even begin to explain my day because I'm not here to prove anyone what I believe in, or that scorpions have insane psychic awareness and it's hitting me 10 fold--but HOW cool.

Unfortunately I've found myself in a pattern of people's lives that I feel id a message in a form of its own just not sure what it's trying to say. All of these situations include men, abuse, court and abuse doesn't just come in the form of physical injury. So I'm done keeping this in, as maybe I'm supposed to share this already.

We grew up in a time where traditions were cultivated over a span of stagnated years -1930-2001? And then the twin tours happened and religion became the "spawn" of maltreatment. Reigniting views and principles that are beyond irrelevant today and can no longer be justified, specifically the treatment of women and children. Dorothy the feminist is back.


 I don't know why I'm given to access to information that could so easily be shared and I truly I feel all people should have acces to so we can grow and understand. Not only does this open up your awareness, but you might find if you implement these things into your life you will find understanding and empathy. Cause these women deserve to be listened to and your belittling or doing whatever you want is enough already and that infoudes doing NOTHING. You cannot tell me you don't have time ro let someone know what you need from especially in this day and age where we're constantly engaged with social and media this; I love when people get upset about this it's like REALLY? Then why do you own a cell? Detach! I do it all the time, but then life is still there.

Where you got the idea you're not responsible for other people feeling a certain way is bull because we all have EQ, yet it's rarely used. You might not have to take responsibility but at least be there for the person and don't leave them in the cold how mean is that? I cry alone sometimes after things dissapoint me in awe to this day how inconsiderate people can be.

This world can be pretty chaotic and to overwhelmed all the time is exhausting. When so much if is preventable. Don't get me wrong women treat men poorly too, but when it comes to death by mutdet and not abuse you take that cake. We were socialized and still are to belibe in the girl versus boy. Boys or men are naturally more aggressive and terrifying to put it bluntly. I trie telling this to someone in the summer and I kept g ting this humans are equal argument and I agree

But not until women are seen as equal first bro and locking myself in the bathroom due to your irrational fears coming  out in screaming match is not ok and never will be. Then you messaged my mom like really? 31. Come on.


ENOUGH is ENOUGH. How many more times do I have to listen to my friends being beat, told they're worthless, spat on, life threatened and they're children. Ironically we're doing a project on child abuse and neglect so this information has been boiling my blood and I think I just lost it today.


Ignoring a woman's feelings, dismissing them, not allowing women to feel like their feelings are valid regardless of your view, they both count.

This is a tough one for you gentlemen I don't know how many more times females need to tell you this so listen up because if you look away or don't pay attention you're missing out LISTEN
LISTEN TO US AND DONT JUST HEAR US, CONTRIBUTE. YOUR LIVES ARE NOT THE ONLY ONES THAT MATTER AND IM GONNA GO THERE... TRUMP BECOMING PRESDIENT IS THE LAST EXAMPLE I NEED OF WOMEN NOT FINDING THE ABILITY OR SUPPORT TO PUSH PAST SOCIETAL NORMS AND LIMITS -THAT DAMN GLASS CIELING. 

I'm going to break through it, I don't know how but I will be heard, met and conquer that ceiling. I know I have purpose to excercise my voice I'm still gathering the bits and pieces. I don't care about the fame and fortune what I care about is that these women and children' deserve to know this is it abut them and that abuse is cyclical. The abused become the abuser. They deserve to know that love does exist and so does happiness, kindness, warmth. If not from a man then I suggest you find a hobbies like tapping into the universe and predicting your future, blogging whatever! Give your story some meaning, you didn't make it this far to only get this far. I sure as hell didn't.

Respect
Trust snd support
Not mimicking their values
 Talking and acting safe so we feel comfortable and not like our life is danger
Listening  non judgementally (look that up)
Negotiation and fairness -seeking mutually satisfying results to conflict OH BABY!
Responsible parenting: being a positive non violent role model for the children

Children hear everything.
I am so lucky I have worked so hard to get past my demons and I now find myself just nothing but grateful for family and all that's come with it because it's made me who I am and I am strong. I am strong in many ways and that includes being there for people and listening to them when absolute,y no one will. That's messed up. Since when were so closed minded and frankly cruel.

My next message will be for- schools? Teachers? I've been told I should be a teacher too many times and yes I have a history degree but that's besides the point. Kids and I are glue and I so understand the fears and the worries instilled in their head and I wish I could say it got better but it hasn't. Not yet anyways, we need teachers who want to to teach who are not there cause it works for them for now, no! We need your passion and faith, we need to shift from complaining to being grateful. You have a job you have food and a roof over your head. Kids are not perfect but you don't know what's going on so cut them a break already,

The whole children should be seen and not heard is as old as the notion freedom  Fifty five
.... FORGET ABOUT IT ALREADY

JUST ENJOY YOUR LIFE ONE DAY AT A TIME, LISTEN TO HOW FAR WILL I GO NY ALESSIA CARIA AND SAY WHATEVER LIFE THROWS AT ME I CAN TAKE IT, WE CAN. I PROMISE THE CONSITENT BAD TURNS INTO GOOD IF YOURE WILLING TO BE OPEN TO SEEING THAT. 

set your  intentions 


Remember everyone loves an underdog ;)

Love
Dorothy

11/11/16

I had mentioned to my girlfriend I wanted to get a tattoo of a paper airplane and she looked at me like I was whacky, which is not unusual to be honest, but I could tell she was perplexed. 

"A paper airplane?" A friend actually gave me the idea and I didn't hesitate at all, that's how I know I have made a good choice. Sure, I can  be impulsive, but this wasn't that feeling. Tattoo's in my personal opinion are forever imprinted memories, meanings, principles or values; expression of art or words, good times, bad times, significant people, places or things. It's almost like once it's there you have to carry out that legacy, whether that means implement a change of self, understanding, self discovery, or maybe it's the will to carry on. 

 Thanks for making mine come to life, Curtis 👏🏻🙏🏻💕

 It just so happened that the time he had available was on 11/11- Veterans/Armistice Day, remembering the fallen and the alive, as at some point or another you sacrificed yourself for our country, our safety, our democracy. My grandfather James Hubert Smith was apart of the war at my age, 24, earned the silver cross in flying, as he faced the enemy in the air. I never met the man, but I know he suffered mental and emotional grievances that were never spoke of, or understood and understandably so. It's 2016 and I still get the face of "wow, chill out" when I try and speak my truth. 

Anyways, these symbols that are dear to my heart 🕉But first, let me address the photo of #Veterans Drive. I found myself lost in an unfamiliar town and my maps lead me to this street. Ironically I had my two minutes of silence before I left and I oddly found myself emotional. I just started crying, but with pride and gratitude. That was a real moment for me. 

My paper airplane represents the notion that when we let our planes go, we let them fly and there's no telling the heights they can reach, but a low is inevitable. However, we have the capacity "to pick ourselves back up" (survive). It begins with us, but we need the support of others too and with enough love and faith from ourselves & those who support you, you're on your mission🎈 it's in dedication of my Grandad James who was a fighter pilot during WWII and survived. Remember how I accidentally ended up on Veterans way?⚡️jjkj

hoW

chang

How does that just happen? I was 30 minutes away from home in Stratford and of all roads, Veterans Rd. It's like how I have one mentor in my life that is a male (other than my father)and the night I met him he disclosed his suicidal past to me and in that moment I knew he would remain in my life as someone special and he has. He came to my graduation at Laurier and is always checking in on me, one of the few men in my life I've met who hasn't tried hitting on me, but rather see's me as a daughter who he respects and cares for. 

His name is James. Jim. 

I would think any mature person would know that trauma and feelings are a part of everyone’s life, and that a life without trauma is a fairy tale, while a life without feelings is barely a life. My beliefs are my own and they stem from my gut. My intuition and my willingness to believe. (Somewhere over the rainbow just came on)

When you're sober, you find a plethora of things to hold on to for encouragement and support, coping mechanisms or tools. The meetings I attended had a Dorothy, "But for the Grace of God," and combine that with the knowledge and insight I have acquired from Grail and then my own research; FAITH in the spirit is a beautiful thing. Everything happens for a reason and is not by chance. Today, I've grown to fully accept that in all my transitions throughout my life, I was there to learn a lesson and hopefully pass it on. That's what I'm trying to do anyways. 

Last year I spoke to the Ontario Council for Exceptional Children audience of Mental Health, education, wellbeing and this year I tackled the Miss Universe Canada stage.I have faith in myself again, more than ever before. Why? I feel like I have acquired so much alone time that I no longer see it as loneliness, it's freedom. Freedom to do things I am meant to, even if that means navigating through heart ache. My power of communication is flourishing and I am so freakin' grateful I got here. 

That's one of the scary things with depression and anxiety is the fear of "will I get out of this?" or "will it be back again" "oh shit, is this my depression worsening?" BUT BEING AWARE IS THE FIRST STEP! My depression and anxiety feelings were increasing because I wasn't honouring myself or my feelings. I just sat in a puddle of mud hoping I would feel better one day, until I couldn't. This brings me to the Lotus...

A Lotus Flower has it's roots in the mud at the bottom of streams and ponds, but it grows to be the most beautiful flower despite it's origin; symbolizing how humans can also overcome obstacles and flourish🌷 (#growth and #spiritualdevelopment too, but isn't that obvious? 😇😉 )

This is exactly where I am supposed to be and I love that I got to ink myself to remember these messages. Theres absolutely no telling where life will take you when you're open to improving yourself and what is around you as a result. 

Love, Dorothy xo