11/11/16

I had mentioned to my girlfriend I wanted to get a tattoo of a paper airplane and she looked at me like I was whacky, which is not unusual to be honest, but I could tell she was perplexed. 

"A paper airplane?" A friend actually gave me the idea and I didn't hesitate at all, that's how I know I have made a good choice. Sure, I can  be impulsive, but this wasn't that feeling. Tattoo's in my personal opinion are forever imprinted memories, meanings, principles or values; expression of art or words, good times, bad times, significant people, places or things. It's almost like once it's there you have to carry out that legacy, whether that means implement a change of self, understanding, self discovery, or maybe it's the will to carry on. 

 Thanks for making mine come to life, Curtis 👏🏻🙏🏻💕

 It just so happened that the time he had available was on 11/11- Veterans/Armistice Day, remembering the fallen and the alive, as at some point or another you sacrificed yourself for our country, our safety, our democracy. My grandfather James Hubert Smith was apart of the war at my age, 24, earned the silver cross in flying, as he faced the enemy in the air. I never met the man, but I know he suffered mental and emotional grievances that were never spoke of, or understood and understandably so. It's 2016 and I still get the face of "wow, chill out" when I try and speak my truth. 

Anyways, these symbols that are dear to my heart 🕉But first, let me address the photo of #Veterans Drive. I found myself lost in an unfamiliar town and my maps lead me to this street. Ironically I had my two minutes of silence before I left and I oddly found myself emotional. I just started crying, but with pride and gratitude. That was a real moment for me. 

My paper airplane represents the notion that when we let our planes go, we let them fly and there's no telling the heights they can reach, but a low is inevitable. However, we have the capacity "to pick ourselves back up" (survive). It begins with us, but we need the support of others too and with enough love and faith from ourselves & those who support you, you're on your mission🎈 it's in dedication of my Grandad James who was a fighter pilot during WWII and survived. Remember how I accidentally ended up on Veterans way?⚡️jjkj

hoW

chang

How does that just happen? I was 30 minutes away from home in Stratford and of all roads, Veterans Rd. It's like how I have one mentor in my life that is a male (other than my father)and the night I met him he disclosed his suicidal past to me and in that moment I knew he would remain in my life as someone special and he has. He came to my graduation at Laurier and is always checking in on me, one of the few men in my life I've met who hasn't tried hitting on me, but rather see's me as a daughter who he respects and cares for. 

His name is James. Jim. 

I would think any mature person would know that trauma and feelings are a part of everyone’s life, and that a life without trauma is a fairy tale, while a life without feelings is barely a life. My beliefs are my own and they stem from my gut. My intuition and my willingness to believe. (Somewhere over the rainbow just came on)

When you're sober, you find a plethora of things to hold on to for encouragement and support, coping mechanisms or tools. The meetings I attended had a Dorothy, "But for the Grace of God," and combine that with the knowledge and insight I have acquired from Grail and then my own research; FAITH in the spirit is a beautiful thing. Everything happens for a reason and is not by chance. Today, I've grown to fully accept that in all my transitions throughout my life, I was there to learn a lesson and hopefully pass it on. That's what I'm trying to do anyways. 

Last year I spoke to the Ontario Council for Exceptional Children audience of Mental Health, education, wellbeing and this year I tackled the Miss Universe Canada stage.I have faith in myself again, more than ever before. Why? I feel like I have acquired so much alone time that I no longer see it as loneliness, it's freedom. Freedom to do things I am meant to, even if that means navigating through heart ache. My power of communication is flourishing and I am so freakin' grateful I got here. 

That's one of the scary things with depression and anxiety is the fear of "will I get out of this?" or "will it be back again" "oh shit, is this my depression worsening?" BUT BEING AWARE IS THE FIRST STEP! My depression and anxiety feelings were increasing because I wasn't honouring myself or my feelings. I just sat in a puddle of mud hoping I would feel better one day, until I couldn't. This brings me to the Lotus...

A Lotus Flower has it's roots in the mud at the bottom of streams and ponds, but it grows to be the most beautiful flower despite it's origin; symbolizing how humans can also overcome obstacles and flourish🌷 (#growth and #spiritualdevelopment too, but isn't that obvious? 😇😉 )

This is exactly where I am supposed to be and I love that I got to ink myself to remember these messages. Theres absolutely no telling where life will take you when you're open to improving yourself and what is around you as a result. 

Love, Dorothy xo