Hell Of A Girl

Yesterday one of my best friends showed me this picture of my ex boyfriend with his new girlfriend in a photo with his grandfather. He doesn't see his grandfather all that often, moreover, this was in Tennessee. Never made it there, but I got to Aspen! anyways, it hit me in a weird spot for the first time in a while and I'm sharing because I think it's important to share. 

My job is literally sharing my story for millions to relate to so why stop now?

So many of us can relate to a broken heart or a Polk of the bear. 

1st. He likes my best friends pictures of her ass her sexy outfits-she's hot that's not her fault (, I asked him not to do this it's sad he has to be told twice)- "he appreciates beauty" This isn't for control. This is for my well being, my respect and his. 

I'm happy he is happy genuinely. I don't want people being unhappy. I am happy! But that doesn't mean I don't have my moments. We were together for 3 years and sadly I thought that was it. This is who I am marrying. Until I got that anxiety that was like "I can barely be around you without shaking," still like that to this day. It's almost like my body physiologically was trying to tell me how unhappy I was, it worked. 

But just like that you're "replaced," the photos so quickly went from this tall brunette to a short blonde. The human heart doesn't work that quickly but maybe he's defying those goals. He was or is the type for a relationship so I can't say I didn't see this coming, I just didn't expect it so quickly. 

The holidays too, after three years, it's an adjustment for sure. Just a lot less busier and I'm ok with that. I miss the babies, but I just love babies. I miss his parents. They're such wonderful people. Of all the guys I dated, hands down the best set of parents. You go Les and Ty. They always made me feel so loved and apart of the family, I'll never forget that so long as I live. 

Reality is we broke up for a reason and when I'm down I lose sight of those reasons. While in the moment I get upset that my friends share news with me, it makes me  stronger each time. I have to stare it, with no one next to me expect my blanket. That's growth. If i can make it through those nights I'm fine. 

The blanket I sleep with has a date on it, January twenty seventh and that happens to be my moms birthday and the date my dog passed away. THE DAY I saw jay z, and I met this amazing guy yesterday and guess when his birthday is? Jan twenty seven. SHIT HAPPENS FOR A REASON. IM NOT SAYIN IM MARRYIJG THIS GUY BUT WHAT ARE THE CHANCES....and he's a history major, BONUS 

Anyways, 

Protect your heart but don't shut it off. Be open but don't be naive, Especially not for three years. 

Love 

Dorothy