I was talking to a friend this morning about feeling lonely, loneliness, or without. I love solitude. BUT like any human I do struggle with being alone. There's social media posts of engagements left right and centre, or just love posts and hey! YOU HAVE ALL RIGHT TO THAT! DONT STOP! IT'S SO LOVING WE NEED MORE LOVE!
But it's also ok I'm sitting here crying, holding my hand out to thin air. "What do you mean?" I felt so sick last night. My body was aching, my throat felt like it was hurting, my head hurt, just all the sicky feels. The weather, oh baby! It represented my emotions perfectly as the wind and snowy rain wailed against my windows. I was cold. It was cold. It was dark. I had my candles lit, but felt dark. However, rather than feeling sorry for myself, I sat there and thought about what it would look like if I had someone there to "comfort me" and my romantic brain is pretty cute, she has quite the imagination:
"just imagine what it will feel like one day when you feel this way again, you're shaking crying, cold and achey; you put your hand out and the love of your life just comes in quietly and rests his hand in yours and doesn't say a thing, knowing this will pass, just a soft and silent comfort knowing you're loved despite the way you might be feeling right now..."
Hahaha! I laugh thinking of the number of times I've cried in front of men, both good and bad, and they are usually like "WHATS GOING ON WHY ARE YOU CRYING!" I'M NOT ALWAYS SAD! I JUST NEED A MOMENT! BE WITH ME! I'm not needy.
I don't want to be someone's second choice. I have felt a lot of that lately and frankly, I know I am first draft quality like the rest of us. (What use of hockey lingo, I'm getting this)
I don't need someone to save me, I don't need them to even carry my bags for me or open my door though it is super nice. I want them to take the stuff out of the bags, help around with real life, be involved with what I'm doing and vice versa. I want someone who has a creative job because lord knows if I pick someone in finance I won't be able to do it. I'm sorry. I have heard it since being in the womb, I'm pretty sure, the market discussions-- you will have to be quite the outlandish entrepreneur to win this hearts discussion (especially if you aren't dressed the part, thanks Dad)
Tell me about how you made a kid laugh, string me some tunes on your guitar, teach me about something like food or space, ask me about my depression or that you made woman's day; but not because you gave her your number, but because you smiled and that brightened up her day. (Likely because he will be incredibly handsome as a bonus to his witty personality-- muahaha, this post might just be for me, but let it manifest)
I don't want things to be complicated. I just want love. YES ALL RELATIONSHIPS ARE COMPLICATED I AM NOT DUMB. I HAVE SEEN A MYRIAD IN MY WORK AND PERSONAL LIFE. BUT I am saying the actual act of being with this person doesn't need to be complicated. Let love find me.
Oh they have to like dogs, adventures, laughing, crying and maybe sports.
Love,
Dorothy
Thanks Universe
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