As a mental health advocate, I like to give the people the truth. The raw reality of my life, the people in it and experiences that all have interactions with myself and my illnesses. 

I like to talk about feelings and emotions-the associated thoughts one has and try and dig deeper if I can knowing that I have a graceful power of letting people speak their truths or identify with some of the unfamiliarities of those feelings. So this Boxing Day I'm going to continue speaking my truth and I'm not going to put a mask on and pretend today I am doing super fantastic because honestly, I don't feel that way. At all. 

I feel fine, which is better than low because I wouldn't be writing this if I was low. Anxiety and depression are a mess sometimes. Most days I feel like I got the day, I can control whatever disaster hits me and then there are those days where I'm like "when will this day be over because I'm not sure of anything. What to do, where to go, how to feel, should I reach out? Is anything the matter? Let me just think..." I must say to myself "let me just think," 10000000 times. ALL I DO IS THINK HAHA! That's the odd time like today where I can catch myself and just say "you're thinking. A lot. 

Then there are times where I don't want to move from my room, and I just stick to myself hoping someone will need me and I can step in. That's a sad reality, but that's my reality and I am ok with this learning/process/journey. I say that because on the days where I feel more like myself and can bust a move, I laugh so much with myself! I enjoy every little thing that happens around me. I am really good at pulling my stuff together and being apart of life. Notice what I just did there? Knocked myself. 

I can still pull my "stuff" together and be apart of life when I'm not in the best of moods, but I have to be good to myself. I have to take care of myself. Sometimes that's by writing, but rather than keeping it to myself today I'm blogging about it. 

I'm human. I'm sick, not weak. 

This holiday was hard. My energy was low, not as bad today, because I keep getting emotional when I "didn't  want to," as I find when I cry  it's like it turns off a part of my brain, and depending on the cry it's either small or average-done for the day- or just goes black and I can't feel it until at least the next day. I feel this pain behind my eyes from crying, as the tears are so real. I become slower and less motivated and my thinking patterns can take the form of "just get through today. What are you grateful for?" Serenity prayer cause it really helps me. Like incredibly so. Over and over. 

That reminds me. My brother- the one who taught me about kindness indirectly taught me a very neutral way or reaction to someone yesterday in lieu of a discussion regarding religion and merry Christmas- 

"Do I believe in god? No. Do I say merry Christmas yes? Do I believe Mary gave birth to baby Jesus, not necessarily but I can appreciate the thought." BAM THANK YOU G MAN. We can appreciate people's feelings and their religions even, if we take that extra second and think. Awareness- use it! 

I try being there for others and often find myself depleted of my energy or from absorbing theirs, which is my fault. I choose to stay on the phone and listen to a friend tell me how "I'm not like you, I can't just forget things" 

Uh...I'm a Scorpio by nature and I can't let shit go. But I move along everyday trying and trying and I guess I'm succeeding most days. But you are like me, you can seek help like I did, online, through a book and have someone, an icon, open your eyes and perspective to a more fulfilling life. Like going with the flowing and accepting whatever is will be. All I can control is ME! #Rhyme 

My family, as much as I love them and appreciate all they do for me everyday- are like any human and cannot be perfect. I have controlled my emotions unlike any year of my life this year I can admit that. I'm proud of that. What I mean to say is, when I feel like I'm getting personally upset, I walk away, take a lap, shed a tear or listen to song. Get back out there. If I can't, I don't push myself but this year I've been so successful. 

So when people say things to me in lieu of me advising them such as "ya you can do that..." "your family..." "my parents...." NOTHING. It's not about them, it's about YOU. You can choose to hold on to the pain, anger and hate but when you wake up every day how does that feel? How can you work with that? What steps do you need to take to be able to remove those shadows because they're going to haunt you otherwise, and I say this from personal experience. 

With all the sh!t going on in this world, why consciously choose to "hate" people. You don't have to let them in on everything you do or even see them, but when they leave this earth you're going to wish your last penny you said SOMETHING. Morbid, raw, truth. 

Yesterday my grandmas boyfriend passed away. This woman has outlived 2 husbands and a boyfriend, yet I'm crying because I miss my dog and having a my happy ex boyfriend around. Guess what? Just as valid. Laugh all you want, but we're both experiencing an emotion that our brain registers and I'd be doing myself no favours by ignoring that emotion. 

As early as the age of 7 our subconscious is pre wired with social, cultural, emotional, familial, ideological values. Not adult ones, but I bet their better. Like my one student who thought college was stupid because we had no recess. Ya buddy! Tell em! 

If you didn't feel amazing this holiday, I hear you. My experiences might be different but I can relate to your emotion and I'm here to say, you're not alone. Not now. Not ever. 

"So make sure you love like you've never been hurt and when you dance dance like there's no one watching you cause this shit is not about pants and this shit is not about shirts and this shit is definitely not about hair." #GetFighted #Alexisonfire ENJOY YOUR LIFE SOMEHOW! Release your insecurities for a minute by dancing like a maniac and you'll feel a release. Even if it's just for a moment. 

I feel better...it's amazing how this stuff works sometimes. 

Have a lovely Boxing Day xox 

"There are things that are stopping us, but the things that are stopping us are inside of us. It's not money, it's not the people, it's not the situation. It's ourself." Bob Proctor
Well said, Bobby! 👏🏻
We're all "guilty" of this. (Just like we're all guilty of secretly disliking the snow and how cold we get in the winter especially when our hair freezes when you walk outside, or it's just me)

Thankfully we have the personal power to change our vibrations and frequencies through our conscious and subconscious thinking.
If you're not feeling great, your operating in a negative frequency, stop and think about what you're grateful for. What brings you joy or love. This simple self gratifying tool honestly lifts you up and your frequencies; your day doesn't seem so hard or so long.

If it does, change it. Drop out, quit, send the email, "kiss the girl" {Sebastian from the Little Memaid}, try something that's out of your comfort zone so you can grow--take action and keep moving forward.

This is your life. It's not a race, but when you change your "vibration" you change your life.

Surrender

Surrender to what is 

Let go of what is 

Embrace what's to come...

It's no secret I went through a breakup this year. But before I broke up with my ex boyfriend, my dog died at the age of 4. January 27, 2016. It was also my moms birthday. I can still feel the pain of my mom telling me, T trying to comfort me and in that instant I should have known-I screamed and said get away from me- When I look back I try thinking why? Why did I push that love away so many times, especially when I was grieving. I threw my logic aside for what I thought I wanted, which was a loving relationship but ultimately I knew this person would and could never be there for me the way I needed emotionally. I lost and went through too much tragedy for him to understand how deep things ran in my body and in my heart. I don't blame him, but I pulled the panic cord right after Miss Universe Canada (I didn't want anything messing up with my competiton) 

I lost my dog and my best friend in a matter of months. Then I lived in our apartment alone for a couple months, moved to Woodstock and became my whole self again minus the physical love I had for my pup. I would be lying if I said this didn't affect me, I don't know why people like to dismiss death-human or dog they both have a spirit. But it utterly broke my heart and still hurts a lot to this day. 

I found myself battling in my head constantly between what I thought was right and what was reality. That's the thing with depression, we have such a realistic mind set it's almost insensible to find reason s why this shit happens but it happens for a reason and I accept that. My dog and his loss has faced me so many times. Like the first week of my practicum and I meet a student named Dante. Or how often I would see German shepherds, and not just your average bear, one just as beautiful and dark as my Dante. Such a good looking dog. My ex was ok too, but once his hair got long that was it.

Some dudes can rock it, I'm not trying it be mean but his made him (makes him) look girly I just can't play with it and feel like "ya this is my man," hahahahah ! and that's my opinion, I would tell this to his face when we dated too. No wonder we were not as intimate.. (sorry mom and dad) 

This year I had to surrender. Surrending felt like giving up,it felt like everything I lost this year I was just saying "fine, have your way then." Till I realized it was more about resistance, resisting the urge to email him and get upset because I found out he did some shady stuff while away one time. 

I KNEW IT TOO! Never quiet your intuition ladies, I have a super woman to thank for that reminder- his amazing ex girlfriend I knew I would one day befriend because I sensed this urge of us finally laying out on the table all the shitty and laughable things one does-everyone needs to do this, it's healing. Humility. He's not a bad person we just had a lot of stories we could relate to. "Classics," if you will. 

So I resisted. I just said resist. And all that has flowed my way since is truly remarkable. It's like taking off a layer of skin filled with both good but also bad memories, and just walking away from it. Never having to look back or pick it up again, just let it be and keep moving.. it feels amazing. Till last week I found out more bad news bears about the dude but rather than letting it get to me I stood up for myself and simply asked for my money back and went back to my life, IT WAS AWESOME. 

I'm not just sharing this because I feel like it. Well, I do. But I also know this time of the year is hard for many reasons for a lot of people and I would be lying if I said this time of year didn't bring up a heap of Christmas memories with both his family and mine. 

I'm sharing this as a reminder to many that pains and aches come in all shapes and sizes, and often unexpectedly. I hear you and I want you to know that this time doesn't have to be the most wonderful time of the year for you if it isn't. But try and make something of it. Maybe that's spring or Easter, regardless, make this season about what brings you the most joy. Write down what you've gone through to see how far you've come. family doesn't have to be blood that's one of the best most fortunate gifts I acquired this year was the number of people (2 or 3) I call my family now, I love you girls so much and you know who you are. Thank you for accepting me in all my forms and always understanding. Or bringing me bagel when I felt like I was gonna pass out.

Take the risk 

Go into this new year with hope. Hope for yourself and no one else (be selfish) 

To all that hurts you, surrender. Resist. 

Love

Dorothy 

All Are Significant

This post is vulnerable for me in that it could be perceived in two ways, and already I find it interesting how this has me thinking of what the audience will think when usually I write and write and think "you're honouring yourself. "I still am, but I never want my posts to be seen as ruthless or exposing posts, they're just really real. They're things I feel or see in my life from my lenses and trust me, I wear plenty of them. I also think it's important to share our life experiences because someone somewhere can always relate or identify with a peiece and I hope it's for the better.

I just want to live in a world where acceptance and love go hand in hand. I'm tired of the judgments, they don't do anything but kill. Please choose your words wisely. 

-------------------------


"Like I said a few months ago, you really threw me off that day, and your behaviour after that was erratic and kinda weirded me out...I'm sorry you're a nice girl but certain things are too much...I just can't " 


This comment was said to me today by an individual I met this year and after 1 day spent with me in person. We didn't know each other from atom, I went to see her one day to help her with an event she was throwing because we originally connected as good gal pals. I was shocked we started face timing becaus I don't even do that with my own friends but whatever that was the nature of the friendship at the time. So ya, I drove from Waterloo to past aurora to meet this individual. My illnesses crept up on me this day and rather than sitting here asking myself why someone would think I weirded them out, I'm just gonna blog about it.

The summer was an emotionally and mentally confusing time for me, and when we were together I began to notice my energy was incredibly anxious and affected by the conversation. This person is a good person and I respect them, however, after messaging me a few weeks ago regarding the interest of a hockey player whose first comment in meeting me was about my chest and told me not to type so much but "because he was a nice guy he would read my messages this once"  (I will not name this person ) I'm just going to throw out a lesson of literacy, respect and kindness.

We're not getting it.
We are just not getting it.

In college we were taught and reminded that we treat everyone, no matter where we go, like an equal. 

For example: we treat the teachers, prinicipal and janitor as one. Just because we aren't familiar with something does not give us the right to say or do things that make them feel otherwise. And it's true, half the time I would argue Reg from my school did more work  than I did. Elementary schools are not clean spaces, I mean this was clean, but not without my man Reg. it's not that complicated when you think you just have to be a decent human to other humans like you.

I adopted this philosophy of "just be kind"from my brother. I remember one holiday we spent time together at the mall and at a restaurant and the way he treated the service staff or whomever was helping us was so nice ! Just being himself saying thanks so much, I appreciate your help-acknowledgement or validation if you will. And if you've ever been in public with me, I befriend every person now, I always talk to people around me. I see how much it can surprise people or just make other people calm, say at a Tim Hortons cash register- I'm not the angry person in the morning who can't wait 10-15 more seconds for a coffee. I can!!!! 

I get it, people have places to go people to see "time is money," and we have made everything around us so simple with the tap of plastic I can pay for so many things and walk out of store. But when I leave a store I don't just think about myself. I want to leave that place feeling good and not like I made the cashier feel like shit, I don't know what her day is like or what's behind that smile. It's taken me some time to learn this but it's a valuable lesson. 

This post, however, is not about just treating everyone as an equal because in a such a polarized world, what the fudge does that even look like? I'll tell you: our friend awareness. 

Self awareness 

Self regulation 

Self management 

The self is not just about the self though, it never is and never has been. As I said earlier, when I'm leaving a store I don't want to walk out feeling like the grinch so I behave and treat others the way I would like to be. Some call it the golden rule, a it's been around since at least 1778. 

Have you ever seen a person in public who you didn't know and thought they were behaving weird or erratic? (I'll explain in detail what was going through my mind and body) Do you go tell that person they're behaving weird and erratic and you simply can't because it's too much? NO! We understand it has nothing to do with us and either keep moving or talk to them for aid.  Even if I was acting out of sorts, there's likely a reason. 

I had a shit ton of anxiety the moment I got to her house. I immediately began to feel like my old self, the one who drove so far just for a party and being social, take some cute photos. But I tried to say no it's different that's not you anymore. In other words I was fighting a battle inside she had 0 clue about from the start and that's ok. To no fault of her own. I was also in an argument with my parents and that was overwhelming me. So all my own stuff going on. 

Driving around the mention of getting super drunk and talking about drugs and wondering if so and so would show up--THAT WAS TOO MUCH. My erratic behaviour took the form of me being unable to control my thinking and feeling completely uncomfortable and the only thing I knew to do was breathe, not let my thoughts cycle out and go home, so I did. 

I don't understand what "just too much" that she just couldn't, was about when like I said this was 

maybe a week long friendship. Had I had a full on panic attack in front of her maybe. I mean, ya the way we try and protect what we're feeling is weird and the thoughts are weird but WEIRDING SOMEONE OUT? It's almost fucking 2017!!!!!!!!!! I'm sorry but the French word here is my passion saying WEIRD AND mental health or PANIC ATTACKS DONT GO HAND IN HAND

You see, I'm recovering from that phase of my life. I no longer drink and with that went the associated party drugs. To each their own I cannot judge, as that would be hypocritical. Yet, I needed to protect myself. And I felt embarrassed. I always do. I feel guilty, weak; like "why can't you just be around these people and feel like yourself? Why must you always have this battle with yourself?"

"Just chill," was the final straw. Today too. Telling someone with anxiety or depression, especially while they're having an attack you know nothing about  is like telling a blind man to open his eyes. Treat people with the dignity and respect they deserve. If you don't know that's ok, but don't assume and say things that have the potential to really hurt someone. 

What this girl witnessed was likely her first time seeing something who is sober trying to sort her shit  out in a town she doesn't know with a girl she hardly knows, but recognizes. A lot of my old self that did not work for me, personally and that's ok. We're two different individuals! We're allowed our own ways, opinions  pand perceptions. But weirded you out, it's just too much and you can't even. YOU CANT EVEN WHAT?!?! Hahah I don't understand when people say this, finish your sentence. What is so unspeakable? 

I suffer uniquely but we survive the same way. Through support, encouragement, speaking up for others who feel like they "weird," people out. To anyone who thinks that, remove that thought from your brain because you are not weird, nor is how you behave weird. Some people simply just don't get it yet and it's not our problem to figure that out for them. We can only move forward knowing what's weird to them is our "normal', and it's way more fascinating and kind. I am loved purely for who I am and accepted for all my "flaws," I don't need to prove my worth to anyone. And neither do you. 

We are ALL significant awesome and wonderful. What's weird to you is normal to me and by sharing or talking about it I have the capacity to save a life or maybe inspire someone versus the alternative. I'd take that any day of the week. 

Love, Dorothy xo 

Be The Change

Young Minds

When we grow up we're directed into ways that more often than not prevent us from taking risks, reaching our destiny, or aquiring a dream. We have young and "day dreaming" minds....(ya right)

Maybe we feel like we weren't given a fair chance; the classic "no that's not practical ," or you're sick, finances, family member was sick, or maybe we're "ok" with how our lives are right now because they're not so bad. And your right on the latter, life really isn't that bad when you take a look around and see what you do have versus what you don't. Right? Let's be mature about this and use our adult thinking... Now hold this thought..Life is ok.

Maybe you look around and see A job, family, money, a house, a car, a garden, a fish, friends, a cottage. 1000% those are wonderful and none those  pieces of life should not be taken for granted. But neither should time.

Ultimately we are all going to die, as Jobs said it's life change agent. It provides room for those of us who want to make an influence in a world fed by tradition and historical culture. And this is where I become perplexed because as much as people say they are willing to change or to shoot for the stars, how many of us actually follow through on that and do the the right thing for themselves. Trudeau just lied and sold out to a corporate business(laments terms) and hell, Canada still doesnt have a gosh darn national suicide strategy plan.  And I'm just going to say it, Trump is president. So enough with the I cants, the young mind bull crap, millennial assumptions and go after what YOU want. Personal Power.

Bring that thought back in or why you cannot or have not been able to fulfill a piece or part of your life because I'm here to tell you, you can. But only YOU can. Don't get me wrong, it's way easier said than done. But that whole authentic truth and living your own destiny, that is possible.

 Martin Luther King didn't have a dream, he was the dream. To stand up and advocate for a group of HUMAN BEINGS that we're undoubtedly segregated and marginalized. While it has been in action, it has yet to be put to rest. Steve jobs didn't know how much time he had on this earth, but he wasn't afraid of taking unorthodox risks that by in large changed the world and our communication systems; his thinking was "too different," for others to see, but he saw it and now everyday I am able to creatively express myself through my blog, listening to music, or able to take neat photos. I can see my mom in Beamsville or if my brothers in a good mood I'll FaceTime him in Australia! How wild is that.

That's called influence. Everything around us is made up by people no smarter than you and I. They pushed limits and while they were adults about it, I'm sure we can all agree, especially with my man Jobs, there were times where they needed to take a break to embrace their inner child and reboot. Find joy, inspiration.


I'm told all the time "Oh to be young again," listen lady you had your shot too. I'm 25. And yes, over the past 3 years I've become increasingly more aware but that's all because of my willingness to pursue self growth and listening to my "hunches."

When I look at where I was this time last year it looks nothing like I expected.

2015 to 2016 : just introduced to Woodstock and the Best college program ever, living in the Bauer lofts in Waterloo like I had "always wanted," I was in a relationship which at the time I was completely happy with (until my mom one day mentioned Easter weekend plans and after 3 years I felt like I was married) splitting Christmas, spending time and energy in a lot of environments with people that are great people but serve absolutely 0 purpose in my life and life purpose (sunlife Xmas party, that's not against the people at all, just the environment that's a personal opinion no big).



Afraid of what my life would look like if I went out on my own, was I going to become a child and youth counsellor already? I was jut getting the momentum of speaking aloud and telling my story...
I loved being in the class with the kids but I still didn't feel like it was enough...I felt good when I got home, content, always a day well spent. I felt good going to the school or placement knowing I was the Justin Bieber of CYCs. My favourite fan club.

 2016 to 2017: Broke my heart, moved out on my own to a foreign small town where I found peace in my self and the things around me. In other words, the unknowing of it all. It was fun discovering Woodstock and myself in the process. SICKNOTWEAK Stock happened and seeing Landsberg up there saying how important it is we share our stories, I couldn't stop thinking about this and the organization. I loved what it stood for.

I had to figure out a ton of big girl things, including how to properly take care of myself and nourish myself, while maintaining physical activity for my brain. But rather than running everyday I Dance or do some fun workouts-switch it up because I can. Still not drinking alcohol and boy does that help.

One of the most challenging experiences was when I realized I had to be the one to make the final decision about my program and whether it was worth the risk. When I asked for the withdrawal papers I was informed that was the last day to hand them in, and thanks to my new found love and faith in coincidence, early childhood dream of being on a stage, astrology and numerology I withrdrew. I can go back but I know what these disorders are, after getting an 82 on a physical component I said "I've got this for now, maybe it's time to try something like my hobbies,"

Exactly as one of my horoscopes read, I'm pursuing what I want without having to "conform" to society's expectations, my spirit feels free, excited and loving each day contrary to anxious and consistently uncertain. I am working towards a goal that has always been apart of me and who I am. I have the most amazing people in my circle right now and not one of them makes me feel bad for being who I am, pursuing what I need, encouraging me when I don't even know I need it, or taking the risk that I did- leaving everything I know for what I believe in. And ya people who love you support you, but I'm not switching from BMO to TD, I'm going from history to cyc to an event coordinator, operator, helper, make it poossibler (haha) BUT YOU BEST BELIEVE THIS IS GOING TO BE ONE HELL OF A RIDE BECAUSE IM A DREAMER AND A DOER! And a Dorothy.

Having a young mind is nothing but an advantage. Talking to a pharmacy group the other day I was told I have "wisdom that is almost concerning," and I'm humbled by that. But too, a lot of my knowledge and perspectives come from tragedy, suffering, watching children suffer and not being able to do anything about it. I used to think I was sooooo unintelligent. Problem is, that young mind and dream of mine almost got away.

I know what I want and I've taken some weird routes to try and get there, but I'm getting there. I trust my crazy ideas and I know I will influence this world. And I really hope it continues through my mental health work. Not every day is perfect but I'm living my life according to my terms and that's how I get the most use of my personal power.


I'm also no longer afraid to speak up, lovingly, and take action where I see fit versus feeling like I'm just apart of the temporary bandaid.

I'm glad I stuck around to tell my story and share bits and pieces. I'm grateful I'm still alive.
But even more than that, I'm beyond thankful for the current opportunities and what's coming my way next year. I'm going to get loud.

This is my shot, and one day I want to look a young woman in the eyes and rather than saying oh you're so young, it's nice to have someone young in the room, I'm going to give her a high five or fist pump whatever is trendy and say "YOU GO GIRL! WAY TO TAKE THE BULL BY ITS HORNS!"

Thank you Landsberg.  Thanks for your faith.


I'm being the change I wish to see in the world, put simply. You should too!

Love Dorothy

Conversation

this week was the first week I genuinely felt like the energy, the tears, the uncertainty, the fears towards my "future"(I'm not giving anything away) have all paid off.

I had two conversations, both of which led to me talking further for their groups or in front of their groups.

I did a podcast with a group from the States as their first episode- IM MOT EVEN AMERICAN HOW COOL IS THAT? Go Canada 🇨🇦

it's wild to think that none of these things, big or small, would have happened had I not taken the actions I did this year. It blows my mind how accurate every insight I got from January to the summer from counsellors, astrologists, psychics,  and eventually my one intuition/zodiac guru. Why don't we use the resources around us?

I read more than I thought possible. I graduated with a history major.... #ReadTillYouDie #jokes
I've learned more than I ever dreamed possible.
I've contributed to causes and events/schools/projects more than I thought I would be able to.

I'm doing what I want to do without having to conform completely with society!!!!!!!!!!! I still have to obey the law. Stop at a red light. But I'm not in school to pursue my dream, however, it helped. But finishing it right now isn't my priority, nor is it the opportunity knocking at my door. For once this is all about opportunities  I worked for too! My family and friends don't know the networks I have and simply because they don't find themselves in the same rooms as these individuals or reaching out to to them on twitter hoping they will respond. Not yet anyways.

I'm so determined. I am so passionate about this cause.

2 talks in 2017 already.


You have to have faith in something right? I went with my gut.

And I will continue to, rest in trust, resist and warrior on


Love Dorothy

The Power Of Speaking Your Truth

 For some beautiful reason, I have been so incredibly humbled and fortunate to receive such raw and vulnerable messages from individuals in my social circle.

When I say for some reason, I know why. I just mean that, no part of them has to say anything to me. They could continue on being silent, but they begin to feel the fear dissipate; the feelings of "shit I'm really making this happen. Who knew?!?!" YOU DID, I DID. 

These messages are both old some new, but ultimately they all have one thing on common the power to believe in themselves and fight for their lives because they're worth that. They're warriors. 

NO MATTER WHAT YOU ARE EXPERIENCING- REACH OUT 

YOURE NOT ALONE 

WHEN WE SHARE WE FINALLY BREAK THE CYCLE OF KEEPING THESE STORIES, THESE HUMAN LOVE STORIES- YOUR LIFE- A CHANCE TO BE HEARD, A CHACNE FOR SOMEONE TO RELATE AND SAY MAYBE I CAN DO THIS. BREAKING STIGMA. STIGMA KILLS. WE DONT NEED IT. YOU ARE YOU THATS IT. 

AND BAM 203 days later you're not lost but just following the path going in the direction of YOUR journey.

This is why I do what I do. Not because I get kind messages, but because I know it works. Doubt is such a butt head. I sit there all the time like as if I just told everyone that

...haha everyone....

It feels like that. But then I tell myself if even one person gains something from my words or the words of another then that's why I wrote it. And it feels good on my end to express what I truly feel versus the smile I slap on.  

The truth can hurt, but so do our hearts sometimes. 

It's better to face it, but look around at how many people are going through something similar. 

Visit my new place of Mental Health WarriorNess www.sicknotweak.com and I guarantee you'll find incredibly inspiring stories and messages of hope. 

Hope is a mindset. You have to physically and mentally hold on to hope. 

Hold on Pain Ends 

Hell Of A Girl

Yesterday one of my best friends showed me this picture of my ex boyfriend with his new girlfriend in a photo with his grandfather. He doesn't see his grandfather all that often, moreover, this was in Tennessee. Never made it there, but I got to Aspen! anyways, it hit me in a weird spot for the first time in a while and I'm sharing because I think it's important to share. 

My job is literally sharing my story for millions to relate to so why stop now?

So many of us can relate to a broken heart or a Polk of the bear. 

1st. He likes my best friends pictures of her ass her sexy outfits-she's hot that's not her fault (, I asked him not to do this it's sad he has to be told twice)- "he appreciates beauty" This isn't for control. This is for my well being, my respect and his. 

I'm happy he is happy genuinely. I don't want people being unhappy. I am happy! But that doesn't mean I don't have my moments. We were together for 3 years and sadly I thought that was it. This is who I am marrying. Until I got that anxiety that was like "I can barely be around you without shaking," still like that to this day. It's almost like my body physiologically was trying to tell me how unhappy I was, it worked. 

But just like that you're "replaced," the photos so quickly went from this tall brunette to a short blonde. The human heart doesn't work that quickly but maybe he's defying those goals. He was or is the type for a relationship so I can't say I didn't see this coming, I just didn't expect it so quickly. 

The holidays too, after three years, it's an adjustment for sure. Just a lot less busier and I'm ok with that. I miss the babies, but I just love babies. I miss his parents. They're such wonderful people. Of all the guys I dated, hands down the best set of parents. You go Les and Ty. They always made me feel so loved and apart of the family, I'll never forget that so long as I live. 

Reality is we broke up for a reason and when I'm down I lose sight of those reasons. While in the moment I get upset that my friends share news with me, it makes me  stronger each time. I have to stare it, with no one next to me expect my blanket. That's growth. If i can make it through those nights I'm fine. 

The blanket I sleep with has a date on it, January twenty seventh and that happens to be my moms birthday and the date my dog passed away. THE DAY I saw jay z, and I met this amazing guy yesterday and guess when his birthday is? Jan twenty seven. SHIT HAPPENS FOR A REASON. IM NOT SAYIN IM MARRYIJG THIS GUY BUT WHAT ARE THE CHANCES....and he's a history major, BONUS 

Anyways, 

Protect your heart but don't shut it off. Be open but don't be naive, Especially not for three years. 

Love 

Dorothy 

DOROTHYSAYS

IVE BEEN AWAY! Learning. Researching. Soul searching. Acquiring. Writing. Singing. Dancing. Painting.  Creating and planning.

Best decision I ever made: remove the fear and left Fanshawe. im finally able to pursue what I want without conforming to societal systematic rules, I get to be the early intervention we so badly need at every level of education.

My new job consists of me organizing these events, making it happen. In other words, collect the like minded and put together an event that speaks to people. That provides that humanzing factor I cannot find in CYC school.

I just came back from "soul school," for a week and my god did I learn so much about myself. It's not that I don't like what I do, it's thst my brain now works in such a way that I'm always teaching myself new things and finding alternate Methods. As it stands, how we speak,approach and deal with mental health in education is pathetic and I don't want to be apart of the problem when I know and fully believe to my core I can be apart of the solution. I'm not going to physically restrain a child, sorry I don't need to add to their trauma. My therapist and I went into depth about this and said so what would you do and my answer shocked her. Problem is you can't explain the conscious to the unconscious "that has yet to be awaken," by this energy force we're apart of. So I'd tell you but it wouldn't "apply"

One day

 It helps when your boss has the same atttitude as you too;  Whatever it takes. 

Using my weird skills od everything I will make this happen.
I am determined to make SICKNOTWEAK and our communities safer and healthier.
Just general health tips at necesssary these days


To those wondering what I do with my life now: I enjoy it. I love the pressures I have versus what I was doing and I'm gladness I followed my heart, not enough of us do. The people I've met AGAIn (cycling through like it's out of style)

For the first time in a long time I feel really confident about where I am. These are skills I naturally have-creative marketing? Sales? Time to perfect them...
Really it's just amazing to have the faith of yourself and someone like Michael because the passions align. Not easy to find, especially with the same influence and is willing to put themselves on the line for whatever you think you can pull together. Woah baby.


Peterborough was incredible and there was a girl I had the pleasure of meeting in Bancroft recently who wanted to go to that event but she couldn't due to work. Her best friend recently took her life and she has ben struggling to find peace within it all, naturally. It's easy for her community to make her out to seem like a bad mom because she took her life? No. no one gets to speak to as to why someone took their life, that's an individual and far from selfish act. You have no idea what's going though our mind so do us a favour and don't even try. Unless you're willing to be open and understanding therefore apart of this movement.

I finally forgave myself and said it OUT LOUD! It was so emotionally beautiful. Taking the time to take care of your soul. Seriously! I've been painting like crazy lately, singing more, EVEN training myself to dance. I'm doing it all.


Do I get tired? Ya. But I'm taking care of myself and only myself which makes it a hell of a lot easier.
It's December and I'm happy! what the HECK! I love this!!!

TO ALL US WOMEN:





"A strong woman knows that being strong is not an option for her, it's a necessity.

"So, every day she wakes up and meets the world and all of its challenges head on. But sometimes, at the end of the day, when all is said and done and she finally closes the door, she cries. Not because she’s weak, but because it’s hard being strong, day after day, knowing that if you don’t do it, no one will. The soft cries that most will never hear slowly disappear as the new day comes and you rise once again to be the strong, confident woman you are." -Mr. Amari Soul #ReflectionsOfAMan


Love Dorothy