#Deep

Never in my life have I seen or read a quote that touches on self harm, love and a female "using" it as an elaborate weapon if you will that ultimately causes us pain. 

Needless to say, it got me thinking; so "she" falls in love each "time" and has faith in love, yet denies herself the actual gift of love. 

She has to end it right? Otherwise where's the "self-harm," it must be a consequence of "she" breaking her own heart. Maybe she's afraid of love; fears rejection, or afraid that she's not lovable to a certain point. Maybe she's experienced a great deal of abandonment ...

Maybe. 

Then I applied it to myself. 

I love love. I believe in love, yet, in recent years I've denied myself "real love"

I'm not saying I'm a Love expert or know what that looks like, but it's certainly not the circumstances I've found myself in the past; at least not in the context of unconditional, doesn't want to change you, but can keep you accountable and grounded-Love. 

I did just break my own heart and another's in the process, but sober and because I knew it was time for me to move forward. I didn't hide my fear behind alcohol and find myself in an impossible situation to admit to. NOPE! Rather, I chose to discover Colleen Rennie and not Colleen Rennie with X. 

It was hard, but it will be worth it. Pain demands to be felt and it's only, ever temporary. 

Dorothy xo 

(PS. I am not saying I use love as self harm, just more a reflection and opinion article today)