Thank You, X

Dear Elephant Shoe,

what a wild ride these past 3 years have been. I messaged your parents this morning and it made me realize a number of things where my growth has sprouted. I wanted to point some things out and thank you. 

1. I can make my own dinners now even if some nights that means white rice....
2. I am confident I can sleep in my own place now alone and I am no longer afraid of monsters, or creepy unknown, camouflaged men in my apartment.
3. I cry alone and can comfort myself, then rise up-- face it
4. I can hold babies. I can hold them and love them and kiss them, change them! I am no longer crippled by that pain that screams "this could have been you," I know my time will come one day when it's meant to.
5. You taught me things, but you also showed me things I don't want in a partner. For example, I want to use my own hair spray. My ex took that with him and I paid for it. It's ARBONNE so I'd like it back... I want someone to take initiative in cleaning and not look for the "good job" when it's over because if you think I'm cleaning it all up you must be drunk.
6. Alcoholism is a precious gift. One that was "so easily" stopped after a night out, coming home at 3 am and having "no clue" what happened, it didn't take you long to go right back to your old patterns. Sorry, they don't change. But that's you! I am ok with that. This was MY BATTLE to begin with. THE MOMENT you cracked that first drink I claimed my power back. That's all I needed to know for sure you were not the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I study the brain, it just doesn't add up bro.

I'm not saying my partner needs to be sober, but I'm also saying I don't want to be with someone who goes back to their high school buddies to drink and "do life" thats honestly taking 5 steps backwards (in my life lens) but again, who am I to judge? That's his funeral. He left his job and I hope nothing but health, happiness and some form of wealth whether it be in love, finance, or all the above.

You are a good person, you taught me to be more patient and kind in moments, but you also made me realize how easy it was to omit. Moreover, how pathetic omission is ...moving on..

7. You gave me a family when I didn't recognize how much I missed my own and I mean the entirety of my family, with both my siblings. It was a nuisance and beautiful all at once.
8. You fed me cake and lots of donuts!
9. Your encouragement will never be forgotten and will be spread out.
10. Giving me the ability to see that I CAN unconditionally love someone for THREE WHOLE YEARS. Moreover, I'm not unlovable, I can be my authentic self and that is good enough. 


TODAY IS WHERE MY BOOK BEGINS! FEEL THAT RAIN ON MY SKIN! NO ONE ELSE CAN FEEL IT FOR ME! LIVE MY LIFE WITH ARMS WIDE OPENN....

THE REST IS STILL UNWRITTEN

Oh I'm speaking this Sunday in London and I'm working for Michael Landsberg.

LOVE YOU ALL
DOROTHY
xo