What A Life! #LifeOfDorothy

YESTERDAY WAS AMAZING! AHH I LOVE THIS LIFE! SO UNPREDICTABLE BUT SO BEAUTIFUL!

So, a few weeks ago I had this awesome girl message me and we teamed up to create The Stand Speak Reach Project -- raising awareness for mental health, substance abuse, sexual victimization, domestic abuse/violence, suicide prevention, postvention-- grief, loss. It all matters. And we're going to make sure everyone knows! YOURE NOT ALONE! 

Anyways, we had our first debut yesterday and IT WENT SO FANTASTICALLY! At THE HIVE in in London, Ontario it was set up so beautifully! So much greenery around us and we had our cute home made signs, of course the weather was fantastic. 

The people and connections we made, the vulnerable conversations we had both hard yet motivating to listen to. I am so honoured and blessed to have been there and had that opportunity, you could just see how many people wanted to just talk about it! Just have the conversation... "Ya when I was in the hospital after my first attempt"...You can judge me, or you can understand that's my stuff and I went through that, not you. Just listen. Try to understand and if you cannot that's ok, but please don't be ignorant and just be kind. We ALL need someone. 

I GOT TO SPEAK! AND IF ANYONE WANTS TO HEAR WHAT I SAID ITS BELOW (but you missed me dancing in my tutu, but oh well!) #LifeOfDorothy 

FOLLOW US or LIKE ON 

FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/StandSpeakReach/

TWITTER: @standspeakreach 

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or my personal account @lifeofdorothy (for twitter and instagram!!) 

(Thank you Carly, Katie, Paulie, Heather, Mom, Dad, Shawn, Tori, Danielle, Patrick for all being a huge impact and part of this day. I love you all. )

Are we born heroes or do we grow to become one? Personally, I think we all have super powers innately engrained in us that manifest as we grow older and eventually become our life stories.

Individually, we are our own heroes when we turn our vulnerabilities into strengths by helping ourselves.  I have grown to learn that the really brave and courageous individuals know when times get rough it is ok to ask for help, to stand up, speak up and to reach out. To not be burdened by the societal stigmatization of mental illness, substance abuse, and sexual victimization as none of these discriminates. More importantly, these should no longer be seen as weakness, as they are often dark feelings and uncomfortable thoughts that go unnoticed. Yet, how many of us in this park are affected by life circumstances and familiar dark thoughts? Nevertheless, whether it’s a result of our own lack of will and ability to share or maybe we feel like we’ve hit the point of “no return;” know your power and know you can always turn it around.

BUT HOW? What if no one understands? Then you take action, you seek relativity through inspirational or influential thinkers, dead or alive, maybe it’s a message or a feeling. But there is a burning instinct inside you that knows you are struggling, but you refuse to give up knowing that you have purpose and passion and most importantly that your story matters. If you don’t see it yet, it’s ok. You cannot connect the dots looking forwards, only backwards.

If you’re wondering what my super power is, well, this is it- sharing my story with you—that’s my real power. We need to stand up, speak up and reach out. By standing here today I have the opportunity to use my voice and share my authentic self in the hopes of planting a seed of inspiration or identification. Now I don’t say this to pat myself on the back, I am sharing this because I KNOW there are people in this park, who, similar to myself hid their real identity in attempt to be something or someone else.

However, I consider myself one of the lucky ones who was able to find my passion and found the courage to pursue it despite the challenges I would inevitably have to face from family, peers and of course my own dose of the fear of the unknown.

 Before I share my story, story, and while you’re listening I want you to remember something: no one is you and you are your power. It took me a while to learn this, but ultimately this is our life, our choices, and no one can live this life for us.  as the young Anne Frank once said, “parents can only give good advice or put them (US) on the right paths, but the final forming of a person’s character lies in their own hands.”

My story begins in 1991 where I was born and raised by my two loving parents in Oakville, Ontario and I am so very fortunate that I have not one, but two older brothers. My parents gave me a great life and I’m talking a great life. I played sports, I went to good schools, I ate McDonalds on Fridays, I was a social kid, I loved to swim and still do! I thank my dad for that big time. Yet, these days, since I don’t find swimming pools in my student living backyards, as much so I have re-found my love to run—and that I got from my mother. I thank my parents for literally everything I am and have yet to become, as they are two huge pillars of strength in my life. Nevertheless, they too are on this journey with no real practice or guidance and when things get tough, you guys are great parents do not get me wrong, but when I was going through some of my worst times I remember thinking “why won’t anyone save me?”— for the record, this is a normal feeling for an abnormal circumstance, as I had no idea what was going on in my head and unfortunately no one could read that and understandably so.

In 2009 I graduated from high school with zero idea of where I wanted to go, what I wanted to do or what I wanted to be, unlike a great deal of my peers who seemingly had their who life path figured out —oh and I was diagnosed with ADHD, Depression and anxiety. This made for a complicated next five and a half years, as I had to make decisions as to where I wanted to go to university or college. Given my confusing state, I uncertainly took one year off, which looking back now was the best darn decision I could have made, as I said I wasn’t ready. Another “pattern” I’ve noticed, I was one of those students who was also told “you can’t write an essay. There is no way you’re going to make it into university.” We need encouragement—this approach doesn’t work, or maybe it does!

Long story short, I chose Wilfrid Laurier as my school to study History, which if you’re not aware is just one essay writing frenzy. You tell me I can’t write an essay? Fine, I’ll write four and half years full.

I certainly enjoyed my time at university, maybe a bit too much as I loved to party and not attend class, my grades were ok but I wasn’t trying or as I like to say, giving it a real chance.  If I’m being honest I felt as though I was benignly steered into a direction that was expected of me, and I set those expectations, but I always felt so uncertain so, I just kept going along, doing what I thought I had to and what I thought would make me happy. It is what everyone else was doing…Dogma. Trapped with the results of other people’s thinking—it can be a powerful influence.

Throughout my time at Laurier, I faced a few life-changing adversities, including alcoholism in the family, painful breakups, my mother was sick and I became pregnant at 21. I was not going to add this in, but it is apart of my story and had a huge impact on my personal self and values, as I had to figure out how to handle that without my ex boyfriend who lived in Halifax at the time, and last but certainly not least, I was absolutely miserable and as a result tried taking my life twice. Wow—that’s a lot.  But that was my reality at the time and I did not see another way, rather I don’t think I wanted to.

I used to be afraid to talk about this. I used to think that it made me weak or less of a person because I had to “justify” or “excuse” myself from classes, assignments and I felt myself detaching from real life events. But after my second attempt I made a shift that would forever alter my path—I gave up drinking and everything that went with it and I am proud to say I just celebrated my two year sobriety birthday last weekend.  

I reclaimed my life, my strength both mentally and physically. I found the courage and desire to follow my passion; child and youth care counselling after listening to lyrics of a song that I eventually learned was Steve Job’s Stanford commencement speech from 2005. I had heard that in grade 12 but evidently paid no attention. However, what I got from this man who is no longer with us was this: You have got to find what you love in both your work and relationships and if you haven’t found it yet don’t settle. Listen to your gut, your intuition. We have them for a reason and I wish I listened to mine more often as a child, but we do not know any better as children. We look to our elders whether they are our parents, grandparents, brothers, sisters, teachers, neighbours—we all influence each other. Now that I have come to understand the importance of this as an adult I too have come to appreciate that our instincts are our greatest advisor, some would even argue that it is more profound than intellect. Had I not listened to my gut, I may still be drinking and becoming a lawyer or something I thought was an important and practical job, but it was not me at all.

I am now working alongside children in developing their mental, social and emotional health AND I GET TO BE A KID AGAIN! I get to protect that light of theirs that often makes them “feel different” because I know that feeling and I get to be the one who tells them it’s ok to feel that way; it’s ok not to be ok.

This leads me to a blurb that I want to read from this article written by a woman by the name of Rachel Stafford called Children Who Shine From Within:  This article speaks to a mother and daughter’s conversation about innate, human child uniqueness’s and how we need to allow those to shine from within. Long story short, the daughter asks her mother if she could be an insect what would she choose besides a butterfly, as everyone chooses the butterfly- the bright coloured, “brilliant” butterflies- so her mother chose a lady bug and the daughter chose a firefly and her mother looked at her as though she was impressed by how out of the box she thought. In other words, by thinking differently or of being something that we as humans do not see until the night has fallen. That’s unique or as I prefer to say being authentically you. That fact alone got me hooked to this article but the commentary after was what really struck me, as the daughter asked:

 “Am I okay? I mean, am I fine?” she asked looking down at herself.  “Sometimes I feel different.”

In my line of work, I have heard this line a number of times working with students at the young age of 7 and 8 and it aches my heart because I know these emotions. I have experienced those feelings of being uncomfortable in my own skin; being self-conscious, like I didn’t belong and that worried me, naturally. But then I was told, “you’re young. What do you have to worry about?” I believed it!

I’m grateful that these days, our youth have more access to resources and people, they have the ability to talk about emotions and not get shut down and they need to know that.

We all need to know and feel that we can talk to someone in our life when we feel or uncomfortable in our own skin or like we don’t belong because we do.  We all do.  With that said, we need to KNOW you will not laugh; you will not judge you or tell us it’s no big deal; you won’t brush away our feelings because you understand. We remember how it hurt, right?  Some times all we need is someone to understand that hurt.

While we love the butterflies, let us not forget the Fireflies. Their triumphs are quiet and unsuspecting. Their gifts might even go completely unnoticed.

A firefly might be a seat saver on the bus so someone doesn’t have to go to the intimidating back row.
A firefly might be a songwriter who pens music in his nightly dreams and hums away his days.
A firefly might be an artist that creates pictures you can feel with your soul.

A firefly might save his money for years just waiting for his heart to tell him, “That’s the one who needs your help.”
A firefly might stay up past bedtime calculating numbers beneath the covers because he was born a mathematician.

A firefly might get lost in a cloud of flour, delighting in culinary arts.
A firefly might be a horseback rider finding peace in the company of animals and nature.
A firefly might devour a 357-page book in one sitting.

A firefly might have eyes for the lonely, looking for someone who wonders if she’s invisible.
A firefly might stick up for the lost, the rejected, the alone.
A firefly might be the lost, the rejected, the alone … just waiting for someone to notice his light among all the bright, fluttering wings of the Butterflies.

Take a look around, join the conversation and know that you’re already your own hero—it’s just a matter of time until you see it for yourself.