But more importantly, I am aware of what's going on around me. I never understood the value of this until university, as suddenly I was supposed to "care" about the world. How ignorant was I?
Ya, it's good to be on top of what's going on the world you live in. You're not invincible and everything affects everything.
I was having a really bad 48 hours. Really bad, but I had a couple people come to see me and "rescue" me from my mind, but I had to most of the work at 2-5 am
Do I call the cops or can I make it through this? IM MAKING IT THROUGH I said out loud. I love myself. "I love you Colleen," I had never tried that and it was pretty magical. Powerful.
Next day I find a book that talks about love being the all powerful force. I'm sure you know exactly what book this is; the thing is I've always known this. Or my intuition has. I've said it for so long I just want love and to give love.
I took love and it's myths thinking I could write love stories, but I was in for quite the surprise.
I'm trying to keep this but short because none of the bad stuff matters. I mean it does, but I have to remind myself WHAT I LOVE, WHO J LOVE, and WHO LOVES ME.
Now, name 10 places people or things, events, data if the week, the weather, that you love and watch your mood rise.
It's easy to think of the bad. It's way to too easy to lose faith, but miraculous things appear when you choose not to. This universe doesn't happen to us, what we put out we receive back- 10 fold. Got it. Noted. Never ever going to forget that.
Our heart is the biggest organ of perception. Honour it. Find who you love, what you love, and go do it.
I got to see my best friends boyfriend yesterday and I look at my phone only to see that it's been one month since he quit drinking and I got so ecstatic. Today I hopefully get to watch him get his one month chip and it's times like these that remind me reality is really not that bad. It's harsh, it can hurt, but you've gotta be willing to fight the hell out of it. I refuse to give in to the demons and doubts and my head because I know that's trickery
If you're wondering how I coped, I was self talking like a mad woman. I finally went to grab the dog I'm sitting and hugged him. It's amazing how much animals can do for us humans eh? Remarkable. It inmeditaely reminds me of a kid and how much I love their innocence and purity, how their smiles make me want to strive harder than my own blood pushing me.
I have purpose and I know it scares people but the reality is if no one spoke about this, how would we know? We can read all the text books we want but there may come a time where you'll have to become your own hero.
And that's exactly why I have my back tat to remind me I'm the hero of this story; I don't need to be saved. My story isn't even close to being over....
I'm just building the plot.
Off to celebrate a year for my friend Dave in sobriety and enjoy my Sunday!
Love you friends.
You're never alone. You're not weak. It's a bad day not a bad life
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