Sabaina's birthday pt.II

I love this woman. 

She makes everyone feel so loved and all those who surround her are just amazing people. 

What a party. 

For someone who doesn't drink, I sure can have a dancin' good time 

Love you lady! 

Community Love & Support

For the young boy in our community of Waterloo who, at the innocent age of 18 months, was tragically killed in a car accident on Sunday evening. 

I knew the family members from my placement and I went by to drop some flowers, wherein I was overwhelmed with joy to see how much love and supper was demonstrated solely through floral arraignments. 

It wasn't until I went back once more did I have the most blessed opportunity to see the family, as they recognized me and invited me in, the mother, though grieving was able to laugh and asked me to sit next to her. I was shown videos of the memorial service and in the corner of my eye-- I saw 2 students who recognized me sprint towards me in relief, excitement and awe. 

Awe that I was there, but more importantly because they needed a "sure thing" to come in and say that things will be ok and eventually their hearts will repair. 

I consider my job a full time job, though what and who I saw today is "ethically" incorrect, I never sought out the students merely wound up in the same complex as this tragedy. Plus, a death warrants as a hug from "their hero" 

My thoughts prayers and condeolences go to this family; I am honoured to have been given the time you did today to talk about your loss and grief 

Fate

Yesterday's events changed my life and perspective forever. If there's one thing I can ever guarantee you its this: follow your passion and you will not be miserable. Upsets are apart of life- like thunderstorms just let them pass

I went to Oakville where I grew up the other day. While I was there I visited my grandmother who is 89! She is a fantastic lady. Granted, growing up I did not see a whole lot of my grandparents so when I became my own little adult I took it upon myself to build a relationship with her, which I did!!!

Love my Gma.

While I was there we spoke about my recent ventures, where I used to be, what I used to want to be and where my brothers are! 

Growing up I worked in my dads office as a young young girl serving coffee and whatever mail I could open. It was also during this time I realized I never wanted to sit at a boring desk all day long. In other words, business was out. Though my father still believes I'd make an excellent sales woman, that's not me. I can sell stuff absolutely! I run 2 of my own businesses, but it's health and wellness. I love learning about that stuff contrary to crunching numbers and that's just me! 

Now let me get to the juicy part of my story: 

Yesterday my friend called me at 9 as she received a call the night prior regarding her car. I guess her boyfriend was out and seemingly under the influence as he was pulled over by the cops and HER car was impounded because he blew over. Now this person already had priors, which he just went through so this was sticky. 

We knew no information, as she was only told go to the court house for 9 am. Naturally I went with her because I don't let my friends face shit on their own. 

We get there and I don't know about you guys, but I had zero clue where to go, who to talk to, I'm looking at lists of civil cases, family and criminal. I felt like for the first time I was in suits rather than watching it. You have all these people walking around with clients, people crying..anyways. 

Long story short: we waited in this court room from 9 in the morning till 2 in the afternoon. If you're at all unaware of how the system works there's particular rooms for particular cases. For example, releasing an individual at their own reconissagne, bail, pleas. 

So it started off with theft. Then a woman who married a man in Cuba and was facing domestic charges. 

Then it got real. 

A 65 year old male who sexually assaulted a minor 3 separate times, including at a school near by mine. And the whole time he sat there shaking his head like "no I didn't do that," bud it's been recorded" thankfully they remanded him but the sentencing is pitiful. He can't stay away from a park or a school and hail is 500? Got it.

The lawyers were not helpful. The one said she'd be right back to talk to us, didn't see her again till court and I WENT UP TO HER AND SAID WHAT THE?
They were not kind. They were belittling each other. One guy says to this girl "You still articling?" "No, I'm a full blown Lawyer" she says with a massive smile on her face. My friend and I turned to each other and said "why did he even ask it like that?!" He could have said "good to see you, what are you doing now?" but No. You still articling? While he sits up there with his cloak all mighty. Sorry, but you go girl. I would have looked at him like "ARTICLE THIS" but that doesn't make sense and that's why I wouldn't fit in. 

As time went on both my friend and I had extreme nerves  as to what was going to happen with her boyfriend because we still didn't no any details. I won't speak much to this anymore as I respect these two people a great deal and he is at home and fine. 

BUT Low and behold this young girl walks in with multicolour hair, handcuffed, a lengthy list of priors with theft, prostitution and drug possession. She doesn't look up, but her eyes are swollen from crying and she looks terrified. I began to feel bad just sitting there because the last thing I wanted was her thinking we were looking at her like "yikes," because really I wanted to stand up and say I'll be her surety!

Soon after, it hit me why this girl was so "close to my heart," as I used to work at a wine rack in downtown Kitchener before I sobered up and also realized I didn't like the wine industry. I would work alone (till 11 pm) and this girl would come by and honestly just stare at me. It used to frighten me because I was always wondering what did she want?!?!

My boss showed me where the panic button was, but then told me to never use it, even if we were being robbed. Confusing, I know.

Nevertheless, I quickly learned, like so many of us, she's sick and doing whatever her mind or drug wants her to do. She never hurt me.   Not to mention, she couldn't have been much older than I was, if not younger. That was the beginning of my perspective on homeless and addicts on the streets prior to my ignorant bliss. But this is is my field, I will work with youth in the streets and I am fortunate I know that deep down they are all such wonderful souls who, often protected me! The old burly men anyways. They'd stand out front my store! K i'm getting side tracked.....

Prior to this incident, she had been sober for the longest time since 1996 and that my friends, was 5 months. 

BUT This recent allegation was one where she was found at 12:50 am with a gram of crystal meth and seemingly in the process of prostituting herself. BUT DON'T LOSE HOPE! Of all the cases I heard that day, this one was oddly the "best" because rather than remanding her they wanted to encourage the progress she had made as, she sought stable living with the ASH program. The crown, the defence were all in agreeance. and I smiled at her and she smiled back. I gave her the thumbs up, I don't think that's appropriate but no matter where I go I take rules and smash em apart for good purposes, like encouraging this girl from the outside! Maybe she'll remember that girl who smiled at her in court versus looking at her like OMG-- that's reality for a lot of people. But they do NOT all look like that. I know people laugh when I mention I go to AA or I'm an alcoholic. YEUP!

Like at Miss Universe Canada I told someone I didn't drink and their response "Like AA don't drink?" HAHAHA! Yes, like AA don't drink. That's my community of people who understand, clearly. They welcome me. Laugh with me. Encourage me. Feed me.

So, by now maybe you're wondering "K, Colleen, what did you get out of this? Don't do crystal meth?"

Yes. That! AND! I realized if I didn't follow my heart like I have, I might be one of those lawyers.  I was aiming in law, I was an A student in Family law. More importantly, it showed me what life could have been like had I given up on myself and so had the people around me. And I am not saying this in spite of these individuals, as that's their stuff. But you can't help but sit there knowing you are lucky to walk out of there at the end of the day, go home, eat dinner, and go to sleep without worry about your next fix, your next time youre going to have to exploit yourself to escape reality. To literally not have to worry about sitting in what I call a glass case of emotion... #WhiteRope is my policy.


To end this message: Do NOT drink and drive FOLKS. I don't care how close you are to home, how sober you might think you are, those are always the cases that get caught and it's not worth it!!!!! ITS SIMPLY NOT WORTH IT! FOR YOU, FOR THOSE YOU LOVE. PLEASE.

FOLLOW YOUR HEART AND INTUITION.
BELIEVE IN YOURSELF.
SOBRIETY IS NOT EASY BUT IS DAMN WELL WORTH EVERY MOMENT.
NOT MAKING TOP DOLLAR MAY NOT BE THE MOST IDEAL (as my father tells me, I won't make very much) BUT IF YOU'RE HAVING FUN WHILE DOING IT-- THATS WHAT COUNTS. If you wake up in the morning and look forward to your day, then run with that. Stop listening to the voices of other people and what they think. THEY ARE NOT YOU.

I AM SO VERY GRATEFUL I FOLLOWED MY HEART AND HAD PEOPLE SUPPORT ME. LOVE ME. LEAVE ME. BUT I WENT ABOVE THAT. I'M BIGGER THAN THAT AND YOU ARE TOO..

(HAPPY BIRTHDAY SABAINA!)

Love,
Dorothy xo

Don't Give UP- Just look harder

This past year I competed in the Miss Universe Canada pageant and it was an absolute thrill! I loved every moment of it, especially the end when my best friend Heidi and I laughed till we cried in our gowns in the back room while the Top 10 were being questioned.

Pressure is a privilege. I wasn't looking to go for another pageant, until I came across one that I really coudln't say no to for a few reasons

#1. Not for Profit
#2. Business model of the overall pageant is incredible and so well organized. (I have sponsor sheets already made up!)
#3 Inclusiveness. OH HOW I LOVE THIS! There are 6 queens in this pageant and 6 princesses. All of whom are important and have the ability to make major difference in our local and global communities.
#4. I'm going on a cruise for 7 days in June of 2017, see ya later !

Congratulations Colleen Rennie! (see 3 important attachments)

Thank you for auditioning for the BEAUTIES OF 5 CONTINENTS™ 2017 pageant. Your screening was very successful.

Our judges agreed that you possess the qualities of a world ambassador, so we are pleased to welcome you as a World Finalist for the BEAUTIES OF 5 CONTINENTS™ 2017 pageant.  Being a World Finalist is an accomplishment that you should take great pride in. This means you’ll be on the Cruiseship for the Pageant Week and on stage at the Grand Crowning Gala on the Ship Theatre. Congratulations!

2017 PAGEANT WILL BE HELD ON A 7-DAY A LUXURY CARNIVAL CRUISE SAILING TO THE BAHAMAS FROM FORT LAUDERDALE, FLORIDA IN JUNE 2017. Every day, 3 hours will be dedicated towards training and the rest of the time contestants will be able to enjoy the cruise. – Contestants wishing to invite close family, close friends and major sponsors, special rates are being negotiated.

You will be entered in the B5C Development Program getting to learn from world class mentors like Anthony Robbins, Deepak Chopra, Christopher Howard, etc. and after you are paid in full, you become the recipient of SCHOLARSHIP to the DALE CARNEGIE TRAINING which is one of the top world class leadership training any one can acquire. This world class training has been a prestigious offering for over 103 years in over 80 countries and in 30 languages. Some of the great world leaders are past, and in some cases present students of Dale Carnegie. Google to know more or just look at this short video:

DALE CARNEGIE TRAINING:
BBC Presents Warren Buffett on Dale Carnegie
http://www.awaken.com/2013/01/bbc-presents-warren-buffett-on-dale-carnegie/

During World Creative Entertainment’s four-year management of Miss World Canada, we’ve conducted in-depth research into the operations and gains of five major pageants, paying particular attention to the needs of modern contestants. Pageants have been running for over centuries about the same way. The queen wins and gets all the attention, the rest of the contestants are sent home and that becomes the end of their chapter. While pageants haven’t changed, today’s contestants have changed. Girls are more intelligent, independent, result oriented and results driven.

The result? Revolutionizing the pageant industry! BEAUTIES OF 5 CONTINENTS™ strives to deliver practical, effective tools that will open doors to the future while fashioning a powerful platform for self-branding. Here are some of Beauties of 5 Continents’ features and hallmarks at a glance:

NEW STANDARD FOR WINNERS:

• 6 QUEENS - We are pleased to inform you that there will be a total of six pageant queens, each queen with her own international title and each adorned by a crown and sash—no more first, second, and third runner-ups! One woman will earn the title of global queen of the world and there will be five continental queens who will each gain a continent-specific title with responsibility for a special world cause. Queens primary function to promote Pluralism working with other contestants.
• 6 PRINCESSES – Princesses will also have a crown and custom Sash. Princesses’ primary function will be to work with Global Organizations that focusses on the reduction of poverty around the world. She will work with other contestants in various continent specific projects.
• 30 AWARDS & MEDALS TO WINNERS: As there are in total 10 competitions, each competition will have a 1st, 2nd and 3rd winner.
• CONTESTANTS: Contestants will work with the Queens and Princesses in various continent specific missions in promoting Pluralism and projects involved in the reduction of poverty.

......RIGHT!?!?!? 

SEE YOU IN THE BAHAMAS MAMAS! 

Dorothy xo 

 

What A Life! #LifeOfDorothy

YESTERDAY WAS AMAZING! AHH I LOVE THIS LIFE! SO UNPREDICTABLE BUT SO BEAUTIFUL!

So, a few weeks ago I had this awesome girl message me and we teamed up to create The Stand Speak Reach Project -- raising awareness for mental health, substance abuse, sexual victimization, domestic abuse/violence, suicide prevention, postvention-- grief, loss. It all matters. And we're going to make sure everyone knows! YOURE NOT ALONE! 

Anyways, we had our first debut yesterday and IT WENT SO FANTASTICALLY! At THE HIVE in in London, Ontario it was set up so beautifully! So much greenery around us and we had our cute home made signs, of course the weather was fantastic. 

The people and connections we made, the vulnerable conversations we had both hard yet motivating to listen to. I am so honoured and blessed to have been there and had that opportunity, you could just see how many people wanted to just talk about it! Just have the conversation... "Ya when I was in the hospital after my first attempt"...You can judge me, or you can understand that's my stuff and I went through that, not you. Just listen. Try to understand and if you cannot that's ok, but please don't be ignorant and just be kind. We ALL need someone. 

I GOT TO SPEAK! AND IF ANYONE WANTS TO HEAR WHAT I SAID ITS BELOW (but you missed me dancing in my tutu, but oh well!) #LifeOfDorothy 

FOLLOW US or LIKE ON 

FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/StandSpeakReach/

TWITTER: @standspeakreach 

INSTAGRAM: @standspeakreach

or my personal account @lifeofdorothy (for twitter and instagram!!) 

(Thank you Carly, Katie, Paulie, Heather, Mom, Dad, Shawn, Tori, Danielle, Patrick for all being a huge impact and part of this day. I love you all. )

Are we born heroes or do we grow to become one? Personally, I think we all have super powers innately engrained in us that manifest as we grow older and eventually become our life stories.

Individually, we are our own heroes when we turn our vulnerabilities into strengths by helping ourselves.  I have grown to learn that the really brave and courageous individuals know when times get rough it is ok to ask for help, to stand up, speak up and to reach out. To not be burdened by the societal stigmatization of mental illness, substance abuse, and sexual victimization as none of these discriminates. More importantly, these should no longer be seen as weakness, as they are often dark feelings and uncomfortable thoughts that go unnoticed. Yet, how many of us in this park are affected by life circumstances and familiar dark thoughts? Nevertheless, whether it’s a result of our own lack of will and ability to share or maybe we feel like we’ve hit the point of “no return;” know your power and know you can always turn it around.

BUT HOW? What if no one understands? Then you take action, you seek relativity through inspirational or influential thinkers, dead or alive, maybe it’s a message or a feeling. But there is a burning instinct inside you that knows you are struggling, but you refuse to give up knowing that you have purpose and passion and most importantly that your story matters. If you don’t see it yet, it’s ok. You cannot connect the dots looking forwards, only backwards.

If you’re wondering what my super power is, well, this is it- sharing my story with you—that’s my real power. We need to stand up, speak up and reach out. By standing here today I have the opportunity to use my voice and share my authentic self in the hopes of planting a seed of inspiration or identification. Now I don’t say this to pat myself on the back, I am sharing this because I KNOW there are people in this park, who, similar to myself hid their real identity in attempt to be something or someone else.

However, I consider myself one of the lucky ones who was able to find my passion and found the courage to pursue it despite the challenges I would inevitably have to face from family, peers and of course my own dose of the fear of the unknown.

 Before I share my story, story, and while you’re listening I want you to remember something: no one is you and you are your power. It took me a while to learn this, but ultimately this is our life, our choices, and no one can live this life for us.  as the young Anne Frank once said, “parents can only give good advice or put them (US) on the right paths, but the final forming of a person’s character lies in their own hands.”

My story begins in 1991 where I was born and raised by my two loving parents in Oakville, Ontario and I am so very fortunate that I have not one, but two older brothers. My parents gave me a great life and I’m talking a great life. I played sports, I went to good schools, I ate McDonalds on Fridays, I was a social kid, I loved to swim and still do! I thank my dad for that big time. Yet, these days, since I don’t find swimming pools in my student living backyards, as much so I have re-found my love to run—and that I got from my mother. I thank my parents for literally everything I am and have yet to become, as they are two huge pillars of strength in my life. Nevertheless, they too are on this journey with no real practice or guidance and when things get tough, you guys are great parents do not get me wrong, but when I was going through some of my worst times I remember thinking “why won’t anyone save me?”— for the record, this is a normal feeling for an abnormal circumstance, as I had no idea what was going on in my head and unfortunately no one could read that and understandably so.

In 2009 I graduated from high school with zero idea of where I wanted to go, what I wanted to do or what I wanted to be, unlike a great deal of my peers who seemingly had their who life path figured out —oh and I was diagnosed with ADHD, Depression and anxiety. This made for a complicated next five and a half years, as I had to make decisions as to where I wanted to go to university or college. Given my confusing state, I uncertainly took one year off, which looking back now was the best darn decision I could have made, as I said I wasn’t ready. Another “pattern” I’ve noticed, I was one of those students who was also told “you can’t write an essay. There is no way you’re going to make it into university.” We need encouragement—this approach doesn’t work, or maybe it does!

Long story short, I chose Wilfrid Laurier as my school to study History, which if you’re not aware is just one essay writing frenzy. You tell me I can’t write an essay? Fine, I’ll write four and half years full.

I certainly enjoyed my time at university, maybe a bit too much as I loved to party and not attend class, my grades were ok but I wasn’t trying or as I like to say, giving it a real chance.  If I’m being honest I felt as though I was benignly steered into a direction that was expected of me, and I set those expectations, but I always felt so uncertain so, I just kept going along, doing what I thought I had to and what I thought would make me happy. It is what everyone else was doing…Dogma. Trapped with the results of other people’s thinking—it can be a powerful influence.

Throughout my time at Laurier, I faced a few life-changing adversities, including alcoholism in the family, painful breakups, my mother was sick and I became pregnant at 21. I was not going to add this in, but it is apart of my story and had a huge impact on my personal self and values, as I had to figure out how to handle that without my ex boyfriend who lived in Halifax at the time, and last but certainly not least, I was absolutely miserable and as a result tried taking my life twice. Wow—that’s a lot.  But that was my reality at the time and I did not see another way, rather I don’t think I wanted to.

I used to be afraid to talk about this. I used to think that it made me weak or less of a person because I had to “justify” or “excuse” myself from classes, assignments and I felt myself detaching from real life events. But after my second attempt I made a shift that would forever alter my path—I gave up drinking and everything that went with it and I am proud to say I just celebrated my two year sobriety birthday last weekend.  

I reclaimed my life, my strength both mentally and physically. I found the courage and desire to follow my passion; child and youth care counselling after listening to lyrics of a song that I eventually learned was Steve Job’s Stanford commencement speech from 2005. I had heard that in grade 12 but evidently paid no attention. However, what I got from this man who is no longer with us was this: You have got to find what you love in both your work and relationships and if you haven’t found it yet don’t settle. Listen to your gut, your intuition. We have them for a reason and I wish I listened to mine more often as a child, but we do not know any better as children. We look to our elders whether they are our parents, grandparents, brothers, sisters, teachers, neighbours—we all influence each other. Now that I have come to understand the importance of this as an adult I too have come to appreciate that our instincts are our greatest advisor, some would even argue that it is more profound than intellect. Had I not listened to my gut, I may still be drinking and becoming a lawyer or something I thought was an important and practical job, but it was not me at all.

I am now working alongside children in developing their mental, social and emotional health AND I GET TO BE A KID AGAIN! I get to protect that light of theirs that often makes them “feel different” because I know that feeling and I get to be the one who tells them it’s ok to feel that way; it’s ok not to be ok.

This leads me to a blurb that I want to read from this article written by a woman by the name of Rachel Stafford called Children Who Shine From Within:  This article speaks to a mother and daughter’s conversation about innate, human child uniqueness’s and how we need to allow those to shine from within. Long story short, the daughter asks her mother if she could be an insect what would she choose besides a butterfly, as everyone chooses the butterfly- the bright coloured, “brilliant” butterflies- so her mother chose a lady bug and the daughter chose a firefly and her mother looked at her as though she was impressed by how out of the box she thought. In other words, by thinking differently or of being something that we as humans do not see until the night has fallen. That’s unique or as I prefer to say being authentically you. That fact alone got me hooked to this article but the commentary after was what really struck me, as the daughter asked:

 “Am I okay? I mean, am I fine?” she asked looking down at herself.  “Sometimes I feel different.”

In my line of work, I have heard this line a number of times working with students at the young age of 7 and 8 and it aches my heart because I know these emotions. I have experienced those feelings of being uncomfortable in my own skin; being self-conscious, like I didn’t belong and that worried me, naturally. But then I was told, “you’re young. What do you have to worry about?” I believed it!

I’m grateful that these days, our youth have more access to resources and people, they have the ability to talk about emotions and not get shut down and they need to know that.

We all need to know and feel that we can talk to someone in our life when we feel or uncomfortable in our own skin or like we don’t belong because we do.  We all do.  With that said, we need to KNOW you will not laugh; you will not judge you or tell us it’s no big deal; you won’t brush away our feelings because you understand. We remember how it hurt, right?  Some times all we need is someone to understand that hurt.

While we love the butterflies, let us not forget the Fireflies. Their triumphs are quiet and unsuspecting. Their gifts might even go completely unnoticed.

A firefly might be a seat saver on the bus so someone doesn’t have to go to the intimidating back row.
A firefly might be a songwriter who pens music in his nightly dreams and hums away his days.
A firefly might be an artist that creates pictures you can feel with your soul.

A firefly might save his money for years just waiting for his heart to tell him, “That’s the one who needs your help.”
A firefly might stay up past bedtime calculating numbers beneath the covers because he was born a mathematician.

A firefly might get lost in a cloud of flour, delighting in culinary arts.
A firefly might be a horseback rider finding peace in the company of animals and nature.
A firefly might devour a 357-page book in one sitting.

A firefly might have eyes for the lonely, looking for someone who wonders if she’s invisible.
A firefly might stick up for the lost, the rejected, the alone.
A firefly might be the lost, the rejected, the alone … just waiting for someone to notice his light among all the bright, fluttering wings of the Butterflies.

Take a look around, join the conversation and know that you’re already your own hero—it’s just a matter of time until you see it for yourself.

Thank You, X

Dear Elephant Shoe,

what a wild ride these past 3 years have been. I messaged your parents this morning and it made me realize a number of things where my growth has sprouted. I wanted to point some things out and thank you. 

1. I can make my own dinners now even if some nights that means white rice....
2. I am confident I can sleep in my own place now alone and I am no longer afraid of monsters, or creepy unknown, camouflaged men in my apartment.
3. I cry alone and can comfort myself, then rise up-- face it
4. I can hold babies. I can hold them and love them and kiss them, change them! I am no longer crippled by that pain that screams "this could have been you," I know my time will come one day when it's meant to.
5. You taught me things, but you also showed me things I don't want in a partner. For example, I want to use my own hair spray. My ex took that with him and I paid for it. It's ARBONNE so I'd like it back... I want someone to take initiative in cleaning and not look for the "good job" when it's over because if you think I'm cleaning it all up you must be drunk.
6. Alcoholism is a precious gift. One that was "so easily" stopped after a night out, coming home at 3 am and having "no clue" what happened, it didn't take you long to go right back to your old patterns. Sorry, they don't change. But that's you! I am ok with that. This was MY BATTLE to begin with. THE MOMENT you cracked that first drink I claimed my power back. That's all I needed to know for sure you were not the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I study the brain, it just doesn't add up bro.

I'm not saying my partner needs to be sober, but I'm also saying I don't want to be with someone who goes back to their high school buddies to drink and "do life" thats honestly taking 5 steps backwards (in my life lens) but again, who am I to judge? That's his funeral. He left his job and I hope nothing but health, happiness and some form of wealth whether it be in love, finance, or all the above.

You are a good person, you taught me to be more patient and kind in moments, but you also made me realize how easy it was to omit. Moreover, how pathetic omission is ...moving on..

7. You gave me a family when I didn't recognize how much I missed my own and I mean the entirety of my family, with both my siblings. It was a nuisance and beautiful all at once.
8. You fed me cake and lots of donuts!
9. Your encouragement will never be forgotten and will be spread out.
10. Giving me the ability to see that I CAN unconditionally love someone for THREE WHOLE YEARS. Moreover, I'm not unlovable, I can be my authentic self and that is good enough. 


TODAY IS WHERE MY BOOK BEGINS! FEEL THAT RAIN ON MY SKIN! NO ONE ELSE CAN FEEL IT FOR ME! LIVE MY LIFE WITH ARMS WIDE OPENN....

THE REST IS STILL UNWRITTEN

Oh I'm speaking this Sunday in London and I'm working for Michael Landsberg.

LOVE YOU ALL
DOROTHY
xo

731 Days ago...

I finally quit drinking alcohol and I've yet to look back. 

This morning I wake up with the most sincere amount of gratitude, pride, joy and overall grateful explosiveness.

It's officially been 731 days since I've had my last sip of alcohol.
For those of you who don't have your sobriety calculators on you (haha it's a thing for us, I love it) I've got you covered:

Years: 2
Days: 731
Hours: 17,548
Minutes: 1,052,925
.....

This year has been friggen wild contrary to last year and it's only the second year/beginning; starting with school and my classmates who I fell in love with (Brittany Fisler Megan Muirhead-Wint Katey Wilgress ...ALL OF YOU) my efforts, drive and becoming a student on the Dean's Honour List, (Who is Dean and Why am I on his list?!?!) my strength and will power to complete my hours and then continue on with that class of 26 kids, an amazing teacher and while I'm there lets add an awesome CYW too (Danielle Leungand Anne Thrall Tracy my goodness am I grateful for you two. There is NO way in hell I would have been able to do this 2 years ago...I could barely make it across the street to Laurier, but i graduated there too.

Miss Universe Canada! I cannot believe I actually did that, but its SO cool to be able to talk about as an experience and be involved in so I want to thankSonny Borrelli for taking that chance on me and introducing me to one of my best friends who I couldn't imagine my life without today Heydita Nina Fuentes, I love you so much Heidi. You make being "single" not so rough.

GRAIL SPRINGS AMABASSADOR! OMG I CANT EVEN. THIS PLACE IS WHAT MADE ME WANT TO BECOME A BETTER HUMAN! THANK YOUGrail Springs Wellness Retreat

Sabaina Malik Jessica Taylor Paulie O'Byrne Sara Thackray Carly JanssenThea Brae Holt Rania Walker Jennifer Ettinger Leandra Zappacosta Paige Goloubef Lauren Danielle

Last, but certainly not least.... "I was born sick, but I love it..."

Dearest mother bear, father, brothers, aunts, uncles, cousins...
Christine Rennie Graham Rennie Evan Rennie Garrett Rennie
Trish Williams Karen Smith Stephen Smith Fraser Williams Cvrter WillivmsLindsay Bisson Ryan Smith Brandon Smith.....

Thank you. Thank you for endless support, encouragement and love. You are my family and I have learned that, that is one thing in this life we cannot choose and frankly I am ok with that, as I wouldn't have it any other way. You're all strange (we're family, duh) but I love the heck out of you all.
Thank you for being there for my family-- my mom-- my ray of light, my best friend, my hero, my sober partner.

That leads me to my last point: I am sober, but so is my mother. It's the most beautiful relationship I've ever had. We have grown together in ways I never imagined. Mom, you have provided unconditional love, words of wisdom, drive up here support and just down right "I'll wear an orange jumpsuit" if I have to...I love you more than you'll ever know and thats FACT. THANK YOU for this gift.

Recovery is the most surreal venture I've ever been on. I was told miraculous things will happen and they were not lying to me! Nothing but miraculous things HAVE HAPPENED. But I've been working it every day. Recovery and sobriety is an every day battle you must be consciously aware of; it's almost like Big Brother-- the moment you think you're safe and clear WATCH OUT!

As a mental health advocate and someone who suffers with depression, anxiety and has a learning exceptionality-- BEST DECISION I EVER MADE and if you are contemplating not drinking, it might be the best decision you'll ever make. Your entire group of friends will change, but that's because you recognize the people who cant comprehend your journey are just not worth it. You will not get invited to events-- even the invite! FORGET ABOUT IT! But you learn that's ok it's not because they don't like you, but you don't drink alcohol why would they invite you? BECAUSE I'D BE TOO MUCH FUN. (you get it) You feel vulnerable, but you can manage those emotions and they aren't overwhelming. I HAVE MONEY.

THIS IS AN ESSAY BUT I DONT CARE! IM SO PROUD!

I DIDN'T THINK I COULD BUT I HAVE. SO CAN YOU!
‪#‎LifeOfDorothy‬ ‪#‎ExpectTheUnexpected‬
‪#‎NeverGiveUp‬ ‪#‎Recovery‬

A day full of things that make you feel good!

and I'm speaking!!!!

I'm so grateful and humbled by the one and only Hearher who made this happen this DAY IS GOING TO BE FANTASTIC!!!!

THANK YOU HEATHER! Thank you! And to all the wonderful people who helped make this happen- expect the unexpected they say! 

AND I/we are pumped to announce that we will be having our DEBUT BOOTH DAY for The Stand, Speak, Reach, Project

What a better way than on a day of things that make you feel good- how can anything go wrong? Carly Janssen Katie Glass

#ThanksUniverse #holyhanna #publicspeaking #momhelp

#LifeOfDorothy #StandSpeakReach 

I'm not going to give too much away and to be honest I just found out so I've only got some time-- July 17th in London, Ontario 

I GOT THIS! #ROCKIT

but this ISN'T ALL:

Bring your lawn chair or blanket, your partner, your kids and even your picnic basket and enjoy a day full of things that make you feel good! People, food, entertainment, speakers, vendors and lots more!! 

Meet new people, hear inspiring stories, partake in purposeful conversations, be introduced to local businesses who care about community, be entertained by local musicians, artisians, entertainers and activities and try some new foods and other beverages. It's fun and free day for the whole family although preregistration is required for attendees.

We'd love for you to join us! We are sure, this event will leave you feeling motivated, positive, happy and alive!

AND MY GOOD FRIEND PAULIE O'BYRNE IS THE #KEYNOTE WOO WOO  (who I also thank for this opportunity!) 

#Deep

Never in my life have I seen or read a quote that touches on self harm, love and a female "using" it as an elaborate weapon if you will that ultimately causes us pain. 

Needless to say, it got me thinking; so "she" falls in love each "time" and has faith in love, yet denies herself the actual gift of love. 

She has to end it right? Otherwise where's the "self-harm," it must be a consequence of "she" breaking her own heart. Maybe she's afraid of love; fears rejection, or afraid that she's not lovable to a certain point. Maybe she's experienced a great deal of abandonment ...

Maybe. 

Then I applied it to myself. 

I love love. I believe in love, yet, in recent years I've denied myself "real love"

I'm not saying I'm a Love expert or know what that looks like, but it's certainly not the circumstances I've found myself in the past; at least not in the context of unconditional, doesn't want to change you, but can keep you accountable and grounded-Love. 

I did just break my own heart and another's in the process, but sober and because I knew it was time for me to move forward. I didn't hide my fear behind alcohol and find myself in an impossible situation to admit to. NOPE! Rather, I chose to discover Colleen Rennie and not Colleen Rennie with X. 

It was hard, but it will be worth it. Pain demands to be felt and it's only, ever temporary. 

Dorothy xo 

(PS. I am not saying I use love as self harm, just more a reflection and opinion article today)