On
Pain
Ends...
Because one day this can all be possible. It has happened to me! Maybe I don't fall asleep at bed every night with a smile on my face and 0 worries in the world, but the nights I do I really cherish! But most importantly, what I hope for the most is for the intensity of this battle that I'm currently going through to lessen even more than it already has! But there's only 1 way that can really happen and that is all up to me. So I'm doing it! Each day is still different, I still feel confused and uncertain, hurt, but it doesn't linger as long as it used to and that's an amazing feeling. To be able to face an issue head on and not feel like my world is ending or going up in flames, what a relief!
So, I hope for all of you too, one day, it doesn't have to be today, tomorrow, or the next day, but at some point in time you feel a sense of relief wave over you; the sense of "though this feels really bad I'm going to be just fine" and really mean it to yourself.
You have to have faith. You have to know that though you may have the most loving and supporting team around, or none at all, this battle can only be won by 1 person and that is you! And that is OK! We CAN do this. Speak to someone.
Last week an individual messaged me whom I went to high school with asking me about the "difference" between my depression and anxiety as I am "so open about it all" AND I AM! I am also so happy they felt comfortable enough to say something to me because it benefits us both!!!
I am no longer ashamed of what has happened to me, what I have said/done, as I am making changes! I'm moving on. I work at this every week, if not every darn day! It ain't easy, but when you're ready you just sort of know. You can tell your ready to pick up your own pieces because whatever else is going on is no longer beneficial to you life and you realize life could be ordinary, or it could be great.
Like making the decision to stop drinking alcohol. Something is telling me that I just didn't like the lifestyle that accompanied the taste of alcohol. And still seems so 8 Months later, clean.. I live on a vineyard. I am still surrounded by alcohol (not parties, but gatherings for sure!) My boyfriend and friends drink around me. And guess what? I'm just as weird and silly sober as I was on alcohol minus the outrageous drunk nonsense fights solely due to alcohol and
I must admit I have been watching "The Real World" lately, including older seasons such as Portland, San Diego, Cancun, Vegas, etc. and boy. Does that bring back a whole lot of embarrassingly hilarious memories! Like WHO DO WE THINK WE ARE HAHA! For instance, after 900 drinks, within recent years particularly, the amount of unnecessary fights with a side of screaming and yelling, crying, that 9/10 was over a girl who just walked passed me (this is an example, but probably not far from accurate). Last night episode for the "Real World skeletons" edition, there is one character who is fighting with her best friend in the house and at one point, while they're screaming at one another because the fight got to the point where she thought it was the best idea to move alllllll her clothing out, she yells "IM TAKING THOSE TOWELS TOO!" I was howling. Even they had to laugh because they suddenly realized how stupid it all was haha! AND IT IS! BUT Hey, we live and we learn right? No judgments ever, as we have alllll been there. Just safe to say I don't miss those nights/mornings.
Love,
Dorothy
No comments:
Post a Comment