The "Alcoholic" "Struggle"

"The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking."

Today I'm learning! I'm always learning, but this is interesting.

So in going to Alcoholics Anon groups they have three different situations, open discussion, closed discussion, and an open speaker. Cool! Lots of options. I've gone to 1 open discussion, and of course an open speaker, but when I read "closed discussion," I'm thinking  it's closed off to anyone who isn't apart of whatever group it is that meets at that time. (There's different name's for each "home group")
In school closed discussion meant that when we had to hand in assignments, if the folder read "discussion closed" that means I cannot participate, too late--and that happened frequently. I never wanted to participate in the online discussions. Rookie mistake. Easy 10% just do it because you'll regret it later and look at yourself like "Why?!?! UGH ONLY SO I COULD GO WATCH HOT ROD FOR THE 90th time!!!!!"

Anyways, back to the meetings. After my experience with my friend Desiree's grandfather I see what benefits I personally would gain. 

1. Peer support. 

Not because my friends or peers don't support me, but because I need to able to talk to someone whose gone or going through the things I have. Impatience being a HUGE ONE. I'm not all that patient to begin with, well when it comes to family friends relationships, so it made a whole lot more of sense when I realized 9/10 alcoholics in the first year plus are beyond impatient human beings. And if you reallllly think about it, I'm sure you can guess why. 

2. I need the positive empowerment. It's  like that saying which reads "one man trash is another mans treasure," because all of our stories are real and from the heart, and often extremely hilarious because you gotta make fun! We're choosing to be sober hence why we're in those seats listening in the first place! 

3. I need to learn to live and let live. This by far has been my biggest struggle, as I don't like not knowing things, especially when it comes to my relationship. Add alcohol to the mix and I think everyone is a liar, cheater, ok maybe not that bad but you get it.. Having said that, this only comes to life when I'm not around "monitoring." I don't sit there with a note pad writing the date time and kind, but when I ask did you drink much? I expect an honest answer.. I do NOT expect anyone to give up their lifestyle or habits because of me that's insanely selfish. I have the power to remove myself from any situation if need be. 

4. I'm curious! I'm always curious and I want to learn things and hear things and I'm never even tempted to go on my phone or even think of anything else  I'm so engulfed by what's being said and whose being recognized. 

5. Alcoholic to alcoholic chat. Some people will argue I'm not an alcoholic, and ask why I label myself that. I don't, call me organic or nothing. But I'm not in denial of the path that I was on, and I'm taking responsibility. (As I've mentioned before, my whole generation binge drinks but that's what we know as fun! Well I used to anyways) 

6. I want to be heard and I want to be understood. Too often I neglect my sobriety needs and it's on par with my depression. I need to treat them both the same. Get help, meet people, reach out. I want someone to get why I reach such a high level of intense anger and threaten to kick my boyfriend out 5/7 times. Because frankly he'll never understand unless he tries it and as always I wouldn't expect him to. Nor would I expect anyone to, except for alcoholics that is. 

This is the best conversation I had with D today regarding a meeting and my confusion 

Hahahaha I must admit, that's pretty VIP if you ask me. Sorry guys, you can't sit with us.

Love,
Dorothy the Confused "Alcoholic"