December 18th, 2014 at approximately 9:34 I found out I was finally, finally done my university career at Laurier. I cried listening to Take Me To Church, just so thankful I made it. After all those years of hell, and literally trying to kill myself to get through my program in one piece.
Anyways, I made it and next Wednesday I get to do the whole convocation process, and I wasn't all for it at the beginning, but I've been told I have to "experience it," but I keep saying I want to give my mom her moment, the moment of seeing her daughter finally get this piece of paper that she too saw tore me to a person to this person I did not recognize. I found out in January the dates of convocation once I applied for my actual degree, and that day I wrote it down and told every member in my immediate family, as they were all there! It was kinda exciting, but they have all been through it so woo!
Too, there was some on going joke that went something like "thank God Colleen finally finished!"I called my Grandma and that is what she said, and my dad jokingly made a comment about not having to pay extra bills. Mom cried with me on the phone, and my boyfriend's mom gave me this cute owl with a graduation hat, and put it where I was supposed to eat for dinner that evening. And to be honest, that was all ok with me. I did not want to make this a big ordeal due to that fact that these years were not happy years. I'm not trying to be a baby and say I only celebrate happy years, but I didn't like who I was for a great deal of these years, and even more I resented everyone around me because of it.
But it doesn't matter because as I said I am doing this thing. My mom wants to see me up there! My dad, however, is unable to make it. He has a meeting from 9-11 that morning with people flying in from Montreal and London, England so "its tough to bail," and as per usual he seems to think he only found out about my convocation yesterday.
My father and I have made progress. Staring my Arbonne business has definitely brought us closer, but I was recently offered an opportunity of a lifetime simply because of my personality and work ethic 1 night voluntarily! But when I signed up for Arbonne you know who I thought would be the most proud/interested? My father. And don't get me wrong, he is interested and would help me in any way he could and he always tells me that. He supports me. He loves me. But he doesn't appreciate me. I have come to recognize I'm the child he takes for granted, whether he recognizes it or not is besides the point because he and my brother would laugh and say I'm overreacting, but I'm the one he has blamed for years for his stupid insignificant problems, the one who he called to take care of my mother contrary to someone who is professionally able to cope with those situations.
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? THAT'S OK. I'm ok. Sure, I'll get emotional about it, but I'll invite people who want to be there. My wine rack mentor, who I see as a father like figure, I will invite him! Let my pops miss out on this, he'll either regret it down the road or not have a care in the world. Gotta suck up my pride and let him be.
Just know your worth. I'm devastated that after all the stuff we've been through he can't watch me get that paper, but hey! That's life. I'm moving on to bigger and better, beginning with this internship I really, really hope I get. I will have the opportunity of a lifetime to work with an incredible and inspiring woman! SO THAT'S WHAT I'M FOCUSING ON!
Have a lovely Thursday, friends
Dorothy Colleen xo
No comments:
Post a Comment