Can We Last Through The Winter?

Can we last through the winter?

The water's starting to freeze.

The only one who remembers

Taking the wrong step, falling in front of me.

This body's already aging.

These nights are all ready long.

And if I last through the winter,

I swear to you now, I won't call.

Congratulations, go home now.

Will we last through the winter?

Will we make it to see?

I never wanted a partner and I never loved you,

Now you are free to leave.

This heart is already frozen,

I can't remember the fall.

And if I last through the winter,

I swear to you now, I won't call.

Congratulations, go home now.

It's too late, it's too late, they won't let go.

Follow five footsteps through that open door, open door.

It's too late, it's too late, they won't let go.

Follow five footsteps through that open door, open door.

It must be buried under the heart

That makes this pace consistent.

You'll find it torn, that gate's been opened?

I've been wondering if you've been real with us.

It's too late

It's too late, it's too late, they won't let go.

Follow five footsteps through that open door, open door.

It's too late, it's too late, they won't let go.

Follow five footsteps through that open door, open door.

It's start, stop and go you've been dying for, you've been dying for.

Circa Survive- In Fear and Faith, from their Jurturna album. I was blessed this year. 

You see, growing up I listened to music like this and lyrics like this whether I wanted to or not. I'm glad I did, because this band, amongst a few others, played a real role in my brothers life, and mine too for that matter. 

Given the stereotypical title of "Emo," which its so far from-- psychedelic rock? Conceptual expression through the gift of music? Circa Survive, Anthony Green (singer) is a game changer. One of the few artists or bands that sought after their career in the most humbling way possible, by staying true to what they believed in and not what some record company could have corroborated. What I didn't know then, but know now is that Anthony (my hero) was a heroin addict. 

I take that back because I knew this earlier in April, remember the first time I was graced with their voices, which was also the first time  I ever went out a) sober to concert b) sober in a club c) sober in LAS VEGAS. 

NOW

I had the absolute, ABSOLUTE pleasure of seeing them live again, but also got a private acoustic concert, with Q+A AND I got to ask him a question. Yep, we talked. While I didn't get a straight answer I did ask if he had any plans on making more songs for the American Assoction for Suicide Prevention because--lets be honest, that saves lives. 

We sat in a circle and Anthony insisted we stay that way, and it was pretty freakin' cool 

That's my shoe and there's my boy- right across from me. 

I'd like to thank my brother, Ave, because he told me about this night early September and held 2 conditions: 1) I  HAVE to be available October 28th and 2) do NOT Google or research what's happening and surprisingly I didn't. Plus I follow the group on social media so I really had no idea, they never promoted coming to Toronto so night of, literally with 15 minutes to get there I was surprised with this amazing gift and broke into happy tears. 

Despite previous months circumstances, your willingness to see past the majority of that and recognize how much this meant to me and that there wasn't really anyone else you could go with--that will never be forgotten. I love you with every inch and bone in my body. I'm the luckiest damn sister in the world. And not just because you took me to this show but because you continue to inspire the shit out of me and rise above. 

Super Graham

Lately I've been such a curious girl. 

I'm learning a lot about myself and my field, but I'm still loving learning about the wine industry, specially the processes. 

My family makes "ultra premium" wine and this year my father decided to something really special with our grapes, which I cannot disclose but my goodness is this man brilliant. Between knowing who to contact, how it works in Italy but can be engineered here in Ontario, it's remarkable! Nothing stops this guy and I know I was and have been so hard on him, but I was hurt. People and lives move on. 

Thank you for being my dad and hanging in there when the rest of us fell apart. You have spent so much time in so many areas of your life to ensure our family is ok and you've gone above and beyond! I know I don't need to tell you that but I'm so proud of you, Dad. I love you. 

Just Start

When you really want to do something in life, or have something and you know you have to start somewhere-- do you ever find the hardest part is finding exactly where to start?

What if you just start right now?
I get that it might be terrifying for a multitude of reasons; failure, rejection, embarrassment, hurt/pain... but if you're always living in fear of "what might be" then you will never know "what could be" and in my eyes that is much scarier. To live a life of fear and not courage...

Turning The Page

It is a rare, privilege to be in love and to love. How else do you know what you're living for? How else do you find your meaning? I don't mean to say you could find this through rejection, rather as an access into the unknown, but still with an ounce of faith.

I'm learning to trust my heart more than ever before, for the right reasons contrary to my individualistic thinking ... Even if I'm shaking, I have to just go for it. Life is too short, you never know when....and you cannot let fear, fear of 'what could be' 'because of what's been,' you have to trust that things eventually happen for a reason. You have to trust something-- you're gut, karma, religious sanction, a higher power greater than yourself that has set you on a path for whatever reason. I know we'll never know why because, come on, who is gonna answer a question like, why do you let people keep hurting my hurt? It's becoming a bit much! It's life.

You think you trust people and what they've said, but sometimes when you find the courage to speak about something that you find personally imperative to your "life" you're not always going to get what you envision, but you have to give a valiant effort. And with that you can walk away feeling good, strong, capable.
Quite difficult, but so worth it. I have released this weight off my shoulders that, although pulls at my heart strings, has to go -- i'm worth it. I owe it to myself to keep it together, keep walking this journey....
You don't want to end up not loving your life. It get's harder to find the will to live.
#DorothySays
@lifeofdorothy

Forever in your heart,
Dorothy

What would you do?

Imagine yourself trying to move on, from any situation, but try and make it one where it was real difficult.

If could change or try and change the circumstances? Would you? What would you finally say to the person? THAT'S TERRIFYING! And a vulnerable experience. Hate to say I know because I've experienced it, but I wouldn't be writing this if I hadn't.

I made a ton of mistakes growing up. I screwed people over, I broke their hearts, and as I've said before I got my own heart broken in the process. That was never the plan, but when you're a reckless girl who doesn't see the point in having a "plan" (at the time) ya, your world may crash down. I didn't know what it was like to feel real feelings, well not since a long time ago. This person opened my world by caring about me in the most obscure way from the beginning, and that's not a bad thing. She/He (not saying who) made me a better person-- I tried harder. I loved harder. But I also crashed harder.

Yet, my trust still struggles in the eyes of other people, or rather, my security. My classmates this year are unlike any individuals I've ever met, they are constantly overwhelming me with positivity and love. I've taken a leadership role that and I don't take that lightly. I care for these girls. Yet, I can't help but feel like if I hadn't been so "premature colleen" this wouldn't be what it is ...

If you've ever heard the song 500 Miles...listen to it by sleeping at last. Ironic band name, but it's my heart broken song for this person and I'm going to marvel in it, and then I'm going to do what I have to do: move on. There's literally nothing left or more to be said.

To every sign I've seen and felt, I think that's the toughest pill to swallow. My gut so strongly felt like despite all the shit, we'd been through extraordinary circumstances before. Every day and every night there was something....

But I'm glad I never denied myself that chance and that I can say f'ing sober once. That feels damn powerful.

TO TAKING RISKS WHILE NOT UNDER ANY INFLUENCE BUT YOUR OWN GUT/HEART!

Dorothy is OUTTTTTTTTT! Back to her life.  Back to my speech. Back to the people who need me and want me-- like how I've been told 3 times this week "I just get it- I'm their match" or "kindred spirit," I take that with pride and I won't let these girls down, cause likely I'm doing it to myself at the same time, this shit works in tandem. UH UH NO WAY!

See you at the Harvest Moon.

Chivalry Isn't Dead

You just need to look far and wide. 

Granted this was a message from a male friend of mine, it's yet to leave my memory...so I want to forever remember this and share it with you. This is the kind of language and honestly I value, not to say I won't talk to anyone who doesn't speak like this I mean, it's me. I love talking and I love talking to everyone! 

But this blew me away. Thank you 🇵🇱

Remembering, Reflecting Reflecting On the Life of The Man Who Changed the World and so Many Lives

Four years ago yesterday we lost a brilliant thinker. A drop out who took innovation to a whole new platform. A man who may "have acted like a jerk," but if anyone knows what real passion for what you do and how you do it is, you'll agree when I say that man was passionately loyal.

Thank you, Steve.

I wish I could tell you what an impact your speech at Stanford University made in my life one night in November of 2013 through a random, random playlist and some artist named ROUS and a song called L.I.F.E. but I guess that's the irony of it all..I got my life back and your words ..they were exactlty what I needed to hear in that moment.

"Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart. "

"No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because death is very likely the single best invention of life. It is life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new...Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary."

You were right. Gosh Darn were you right, Steve.