REAL TALK

***REAL TALK:
TO ALL MEN AND WOMEN, YOUNGish, YOUNGER OR OLD, OLD-ER, LISTEN UP***

I'd like to bring your attention to a public health concern-- and I think you all already know what I am about to speak of:
Mental Illness but also Physical AND Verbal abuse. (For the record this is not due to any personal sufferings, I am an outlet for many individuals and it's killing me how often this is happening again) SO WHY NOT TRY AND REACH OUT TO WHO I CAN ON HERE: MAYBE YOU'LL SHARE. MAYBE YOU'LL TRY AND UNDERSTAND. HOPE ‪#‎HoldOnPainEnds‬

It has become readily apparent to me that people are struggling, the winter has come upon us, Christmas/The Holidays are coming and I understand for many that is not the most joyous of times. People have lost their loved ones whether that be a close friend, relative, parent, or maybe you just feel lost in your head/soul because that exists too. Maybe your relationship isn't what it was... You're fighting or you're just feeling like the world is sitting on your shoulders...

Although there is a plethora of new information, studies, articles, ted talks, speeches, mantras, quote snaps, stories of ABSOLUTE devastation whether across the world or in your neighbourhood, THE WORDS and the TREATMENT to those individuals of a Mental illness or humans in general is NOT WORKING. More than ever before I've heard stories of people tearing people apart using their deepest pains; tearing them apart literally till they crumble...to what? To make them feel less than they already feel USING their vulnerabilities? Does that feel good? Do you go to bed feeling like "YA I TOLD HER/HIM" How about after that?

I don't expect anyone to treat me differently. I don't expect anyone to be extra kind or sensitive around me because it's not your issue to deal with, it's mine. But the MINUTE you feel it necessary to "poke the bear" you have another coming for you and I'm not talking about any sort of text threat. Words hit us like contractions. They do things to our mind that for many it's difficult to comprehend unless it's happened to you. Unless you've been there.

***This is going to be an intense line but I am not afraid of directly putting this out there anymore*******: Do YOU know how often people have suicidal thoughts? Especially around the holiday season? Do you know what it feels like to sit there paralyzed in fear of your own mind? Telling you you're not good enough, or here we go again, lets take a walk down this slippery slope...Do you know what it feels like to contemplate your life for hours on your mind? For us it's the only control we have. You just pray that person reaches out and to those of you who have, I thank you immensely for trusting me. Do you know what it feels like to sit in bed or say maybe a dark bathroom (personal experiences) and cry like you've lost all your family but you're just so scared? You don't know what to say or what to do anymore... YOU'RE NOT ALONE.

MENTAL ILLNESS is JUST as important and real as a physical illness. Anxiety and Depression DO EXIST and while you may not be able to see it in our everyday fake smiles the feels are THERE. THE FEELS ARE REAL.

I think it's a shame how easily forget that people are suffering a thousand different things in their head- school, children, a job, family, themselves. This doesn't mean you walk on eggs shells "in your own home" but it does mean that if you genuinely love or care for somebody you can't TRY TO BE PATIENT, BE COMPASSIONATE.

TRY AND UNDERSTAND WE HAVE A WAR GOING INSIDE OUR HEADS. Please do not yell things at us and expect us to get up and move like we were kindly told to put the dishes away. When we feel pain it lingers and it burns and burns... The pain can be excruciating or it can be mild, but what risk are you willing to take?

MEN AND WOMEN: I GET WE GET HEATED BUT PHYSICALLY TOUCHING A FEMALE IS NOT OK IN ANY DEGREE. ITS DISGUSTING THIS BEHAVIOUR STILL EXISTS SO CLOSE TO MY HEART. Nothing makes my heart break more than the stories of my friends whose boyfriends or husbands have not only scarred them emotionally but physically. IT'S NEVER OK.

SAME GOES FOR US WOMEN, DON'T THINK WE CAN HIT MEN UNLESS WARRANTED (self defence) I get angry too. But get a punching bag. A therapist..

QUITE the long Friday post but I really hope I capture some people's attention in reading this because it is so gosh darn critical and I can't save the world, but I can try and reason with the Facebook World, no?

If this resonates or even triggers someone please message me. I am here to listen completely and totally non judgmentally. I mean lets be honest, who the hell am I to judge? I'm also pretty up to date on my Ethical Codes of Conduct so ..‪#‎bragging‬...

Love
Dorothy Colleen

A very Merry Happy Unbirthday to you!

I just had my 24th birthday! The SECOND birthday I have had sober. I have been so busy with school, I have rarely had time to write let alone enjoy my birthday! But I did. I spent it surrounded by people I love, the seldom 4 or 5 of us. And to know it was Suicide Survivor Day-- that was a gift in itself simply because it fell on my birthday...

Ironically 2 nights prior the restaurant right beside my apartment building, Bauer Kitchen, was doing a "Meet the Wine Maker" event and asked for Rennie Estate to be apart of it. My father happened to be in the Yukon (No, Michael he was not hunting) he was hunting "money" as he would say. What this meant was that my mother and myself got to "run the show" do the walk arounds. Best part: We're both sober!!! HAHA! It was, in a sense, the birthday I never had. I would have loved to celebrate on a night like that, but I'm happy my family got the light on them. I'm so busy and filled with two volunteer positions between CMHA and now the United Way Oxford.
WHICH WILL BE SO COOL! in 2016.

My incredibly close friend from school and I Brittany, britters, my britt britt-- are fortunate enough to be apart of the UDodgeball Committee 2016 which means we plan for this massive Dodgeball tournament and I get to be on the social media marketing/promotions side---remember I took history in school, I'm just fluent in grabbing peoples attention I guess- I don't always hate it. So long as it's for the right reasons....I'm so excited. Not to mention I just spent a summer being interned by one of Ontario's finest business consultants..I GOT THIS. (I run the marketing/campaigning for Rennie Estate and my Arbonne business already come on!) No innately have these genes. (Thanks Gman- I get why you wanted me to do business all my life haha! I have never had so many business leadership job offers in my life and it's not even my field! It's so flattering.

So A Very Merry Happy Unbirthday to me and possibly you! Every day should be like my birthday. The feeling I woke up of being special-- I want that everyday. I guess I have to twerk my expectations, as I wont be receiving cake..

I'm grateful my mom was there. I'm so grateful she's happy.. I love this woman dearly.

Love,
Dorothy III

Blessed is an understatement

Today. 

Friday, November the 13th, I fulfilled my life long dream-- since I was the age of, whenever you realize being in front of crowds is cool, countless fake sessions of red hot chilli peppers in my bathroom and I POURED MY LIFE ON STAGE and still got a standing ovation. I didn't even have to sing, dance- just used my experience and my authentic thought. 

I spoke from the heart and I know I identified with so many and I am so honoured to have had that opportunity. The reality is, which I was reminded of by a wonderful mother today, I spoke a story in there that was familiar to the majority of individuals sharing this room with me. It was magical, miraculous, surreal really. I got off the stage so fast, I was pulled back on to see my celebration. My triumph. 

I could get used to this. 

Thank you, Ontario Council for Exceptional Children, Board members, Ministry members, friends, family, -people who are no different than me! With the exception of being me ;) there's only 1. Of this gal and she's on the moon right now! Love you all!!! 

Thank you for allowing me to debut my story, journey, trials, fears, and continuous accomplishment (with that effort to try of course). 

Love, 

Dorothy 

Ps. Notice the hurricane last night? And then the rainbow Orr the falls-the view I have from my room. (Dorothy!!!!!! Oh how I love it) 

Can We Last Through The Winter?

Can we last through the winter?

The water's starting to freeze.

The only one who remembers

Taking the wrong step, falling in front of me.

This body's already aging.

These nights are all ready long.

And if I last through the winter,

I swear to you now, I won't call.

Congratulations, go home now.

Will we last through the winter?

Will we make it to see?

I never wanted a partner and I never loved you,

Now you are free to leave.

This heart is already frozen,

I can't remember the fall.

And if I last through the winter,

I swear to you now, I won't call.

Congratulations, go home now.

It's too late, it's too late, they won't let go.

Follow five footsteps through that open door, open door.

It's too late, it's too late, they won't let go.

Follow five footsteps through that open door, open door.

It must be buried under the heart

That makes this pace consistent.

You'll find it torn, that gate's been opened?

I've been wondering if you've been real with us.

It's too late

It's too late, it's too late, they won't let go.

Follow five footsteps through that open door, open door.

It's too late, it's too late, they won't let go.

Follow five footsteps through that open door, open door.

It's start, stop and go you've been dying for, you've been dying for.

Circa Survive- In Fear and Faith, from their Jurturna album. I was blessed this year. 

You see, growing up I listened to music like this and lyrics like this whether I wanted to or not. I'm glad I did, because this band, amongst a few others, played a real role in my brothers life, and mine too for that matter. 

Given the stereotypical title of "Emo," which its so far from-- psychedelic rock? Conceptual expression through the gift of music? Circa Survive, Anthony Green (singer) is a game changer. One of the few artists or bands that sought after their career in the most humbling way possible, by staying true to what they believed in and not what some record company could have corroborated. What I didn't know then, but know now is that Anthony (my hero) was a heroin addict. 

I take that back because I knew this earlier in April, remember the first time I was graced with their voices, which was also the first time  I ever went out a) sober to concert b) sober in a club c) sober in LAS VEGAS. 

NOW

I had the absolute, ABSOLUTE pleasure of seeing them live again, but also got a private acoustic concert, with Q+A AND I got to ask him a question. Yep, we talked. While I didn't get a straight answer I did ask if he had any plans on making more songs for the American Assoction for Suicide Prevention because--lets be honest, that saves lives. 

We sat in a circle and Anthony insisted we stay that way, and it was pretty freakin' cool 

That's my shoe and there's my boy- right across from me. 

I'd like to thank my brother, Ave, because he told me about this night early September and held 2 conditions: 1) I  HAVE to be available October 28th and 2) do NOT Google or research what's happening and surprisingly I didn't. Plus I follow the group on social media so I really had no idea, they never promoted coming to Toronto so night of, literally with 15 minutes to get there I was surprised with this amazing gift and broke into happy tears. 

Despite previous months circumstances, your willingness to see past the majority of that and recognize how much this meant to me and that there wasn't really anyone else you could go with--that will never be forgotten. I love you with every inch and bone in my body. I'm the luckiest damn sister in the world. And not just because you took me to this show but because you continue to inspire the shit out of me and rise above.