Just the other day I was having a conversation with a friend discussing mental health/mental illness. I have acknowledged the term mental illness, as our discussion revolved primarily around the recent news of an acquaintance/friend this individual knows, who unfortunately took their life. This friend was a mother to a 12 year old daughter, and the family lost their father 2 years prior. Understandably so, my friend was angry and frustrated with the idea of leaving behind your child/children, as having kids of their own, they cannot ever imagine doing that. And that's ok! You're entitled to feeling that way.
Being a parent is like getting a tattoo on your forehead: it's forever. You have a responsibility as a parent to your children, BE THERE! (I'm not yelling, it's just important)
Plus, the news was fresh. Anger/frustration is a normal feeling after a situation such as this. (below is paraphrased in some way, shape and form)
DOROTHY'S DISCLOSURE: I HAVE NO KIDS SO I CANNOT FULLY APPRECIATE IT WHAT IT IS LIKE TO HAVE A MENTAL ILLNESS AND HAVING KIDS, OR HAVING KIDS IN GENERAL (students!). BUT I DO AND HAVE MENTAL HEALTH/ILLNESS EXPERIENCE BOTH PERSONALLY AND PROFESSIONALLY. WHAT I AM ABOUT TO WRITE ABOUT IS A TENDER SUBJECT AND I HOPE TO OFFEND ABSOLUTELY NO BODY, AS THIS IS SIMPLY A REFLECTION OF MY PERCEPTION TOWARDS THE TOPIC OF SUICIDE AND THE ACT BEING A SELFISH ONE. I respect the right to everyone's opinion regarding any social, political, cultural, mental, emotional opinions-- or perception rather, in this case) ...[if you're reading this as the person who I had this conversation with, you're amazing so are our chats-- this is solely me debating your opinion through my creative outlet, my blog-- nothing personal :)...duh!]
"I don't want to use the word selfish, but it is selfish. And I don't mean to sound judgmental, but how can you do that, you know? You have a 12 year old daughter who is now traumatized for the rest of her life and without parents." Later on this individual went on to say something about "mind over matter," which hit me in the face in realization: they don't get it, which can be understood; how can they if they have either not experienced these types of events, feelings or maybe they have never been "properly" educated on other perspectives that could potentially shift their own. Whatever.
Below is google's definition of selfish. I think it is important to understand the context of a word.
self·ish
ˈselfiSH/
adjective
- (of a person, action, or motive) lacking consideration for others; concerned chiefly with one's own personal profit or pleasure."I joined them for selfish reasons"
synonyms: egocentric, egotistic, egotistical, egomaniacal, self-centered, self-absorbed, self-obsessed, self-seeking, self-serving, wrapped up in oneself;
While I do not agree with the notion that suicide is selfish, and personally don't even think to go there in my day to day conversations, this is the most neutral argument I can solve: Suicide could, I guess, I don't know, be perceived as a selfish act, as it is successfully completed with only one's own being in mind. Accordingly, the opinions, reactions, and emotions of everyone else in their world are null.
I mean, life awaits. Meaningful friendships, inspiring work, independence, your place in the world. They're all just waiting outside your door. BUT imagine if that door was locked. No key, no side exit, you're trapped, while everybody else blossoms around you. That's what it feels like growing up with a mental illness... We all have to figure out who we are beyond our diagnosis. It's a long process that begins with learning how to trust our own minds again. This can be a scary experience because that word trust, oh man is that hard to find even within ourselves sometimes.
We want to believe that the brain is all mighty and powerful. That there is nothing we cannot learn, nothing we cannot conquer, if we just set our minds to it. But despite the brains' elegance and efficiency, there are some things that the power of the mind cannot do.
Hard, but worth every fight. Incurable, but manageable-- liveable.
Suicide is a desperate act by someone who is in intense pain and wants their pain to stop. That is a human response to extreme pain--the demons in your head that cloud your thinking and you spiral down into a whole of burdens and self perpetuated guilt, thinking "why? how? I can't this is too hard. I can't take it anymore and I cannot do this to my...." That doesn't sound like such a selfish idea when, in reality, if we were thinking about ourselves we would find that mutter of hope, a turn around point, that says "I'm getting help." End of story. With that said, over 90 percent of the people who die by suicide have a mental illness at the time of their death and I really do not believe that they are in the same reality as the "rest of us" (ha, I don't even know what that is but you get it just layman's terms)
If I am being perfectly honest: the idea of that alone is not a constructive, productive or progressive in regards of how we are looking at suicide. Saying that a person who had severe clinical depression, schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, PTSD, or a similar illness was engaging in an act of selfishness when they died by suicide – even though their thought process, mood, and judgment were greatly affected by their mental illness; say you have Bi Polar like the fellow in the video below: extreme paranoia, mania, with mania comes hallucinations both visual and auditory.
Watch this video. But be aware: It is intense for a few moments.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WcSUs9iZv-g
"No one's gonna know I didn't want to die..."
A suicidal action that manifests from intense, excruciating, unbearable pain associated with a serious mental illness and truly has nothing to do with selfishness. Period.
Last but not least, THIS IS FOR EVERYONE AND ANYONE WHO LIKES TO LEARN: there was a lack of mental health literacy, as the term "committed" suicide was used throughout the story and explanation. Once again, I don't expect everyone to be perfect, but AS I ALWAYS SAY: suicide was decriminalized in the 1970's. People die by suicide, they take their lives, they kill themselves. But they do not commit suicide, and I say this with a strong and aggressive reason: People commit murder or rape, but no longer suicide. Just being honest...
Thank you for reading this post.
This post goes out to those families whose loved ones have taken their life, my heart goes out to you knowing your life will never be the same, but please know you can have a life again.
And to my fellow survivors ....never give up the good fight <3
Dorothy
xo
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