January + Depression

"They may have trouble with abandonment"
"Anyone who has experienced depression understands the burden it can be. It can also be a burden for those closest to them. Sometimes when you let someone in enough to see the struggles you have, they walk the other way. Though it's hard to blame these people for leaving, it creates a serious feeling of abandonment for those with depression. It forges a need for secrecy, out of fear of the recession of those they love. There is nothing more heartbreaking than finding out your ugliest layer of self is too ugly for someone you love to handle." 

Depression creates a suffocating lack of control, and being able to control at least something, can be all a person has. I know for my situation, often times I attempt to try and control the relationships around me in sheer fear of abandonment. I worry about things all the time that I know people would criticize or label as "crazy," "intense," "controlling," but have they been in my shoes or this head and felt those demons? Likely. I feel like everyone I know has either directly or indirectly been hurt one way or another and therefore they know what pain, suffer, melancholy and hurt feels like. And I'm sure some know what it is like when, though you may feel like you're at "your best" things are just not going the way you had thought they were. 

For instance, I am finished university FINALLY, living in Kitchener on my own, my family is healthy and happy, my boyfriend is healthy and happy, and heck so are my dogs! I have little responsibility currently other than my awesome volunteer work, am still sober as a judge, seeking help,yet, I cry every day! Not for long, but I cry uncontrollably and rather than asking myself why I just let them flow. It's ok to be human you know. We cry, we get upset, and sometimes maybe we yell, but thats apart of life! I'm told all the time "well, thats life!" THEN LET ME CRY! LET ME BE ME! "It's all good"

Just try your best to remember that it's just another day. Day by day. As cliche as it sounds, my #1 tool right now is trying my best to not think about the future so damn much or I'll drive myself crazy! "Cross that bridge when you get there!" Live for today. Right now. This is your moment, your life. Everything in the end will be ok, and as someone once quoted, "if it's not okay, it's not the end." It aint over till it's over! 

HAVE A WICKED AWESOME MONDAY! SERIOUSLY! ENJOY TODAY FOR TODAY! Whatever the heck that may be! Find some beauty or something positive to enjoy about today! I DARE YOU! 
#dorothysays 

Love always, 

Your pal, Dorothy 


ps. WISHING ONE OF MY FAVOURITE PEOPLE ON THIS ENTIRE EARTH THE HAPPIEST 27TH BIRTHDAY EVER! @PSURG YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE PAL!