"God Bless the Wellington
Community" - Christine Rennie aka My mom. This is in reference to my
mother's recognition of the support the Wellington community is to pre and post
suicide. Did you know that Canada is the only G8 country without a National
Suicide Prevention Strategy?
Last night I
had the honour and privilege of attending an event hosted by 308 Conversations, which
is a “grassroots campaign spearheaded by the Mental Health Commission of Canada
that invites each of Canada’s 308 Members of Parliament (MPs) to lead a
conversation in their ridings about suicide prevention.” Read the media release
Frank
Valeriote, Canadian Member of Parliament, was there intermediating between each
speaker: Tana Nash, President of the Ontario Association of Waterloo Region
Suicide Prevention Council, Jenn Ward Program Manager/ Survivor...(I'll get
back to her part, because it is/was way better than that credit I gave above)
AND LAST BUT CERTAINLY NOT LEAST, Alicia Raimundo! A-lic-ia NOT a-leash-a
because, as we were informed last night, Alicia means sandpaper in Polish
(hahaha!) Alicia is referred to as the "Mental Health Superhero," as
she has been battling depression, anxiety, along with a suicide attempt since
the early age of 13.
Valeorite's
introduction was short and concise. Discussions of prevalent talks within
parliament reach as far as discussing the issue of "end of life," and
concluded by stating that this was NOT a doctor assistant conversation; rather
it was for the community. THANK YOU! While I didn't expect it, boy would I have
been bogged down if there was nothing but doctors going back and forth at one another
as to their methodologies or approach to suicide prevention. But I was
surprisingly one of few younger individuals in a full room. Yes, it was
FULL!
Alicia was the
first to discuss her story, which was nothing less than remarkable. Like each
and every individual at this event, or even someone who may be reading this,
every story is unique and empowering in its own way. She opened the floor by
presenting the three most common asked questions: "What happened?"
"How did it change" and "How can I help?"
What Happened:
As she proceeded to discuss her two parents who, similar to my own story,
were two strong "superheroes," yet there was a wall built up around
the family. The family is of a polish descent, who worked very hard A wall of
distrust, which interfered in a great deal of Alicia's social abilities.
Anyways, as
claimed by Raimundo, the feelings being experienced were similar to teenager
angst, but actually a hundred times worse, which she could not have described
more perfectly than "Imagine the worst day of your life, every day of your
life." Young Alicia became sad, yes, but progressively got worse over
time, as she developed a sense of self-hatred and lack of self-worth. Though
she tried talking to her parents about some of the things that were going off,
her father, classically, before she could even finish her sentence of
"Dad, I feel.." he interrupted by saying "Go talk to your
mother." We all laughed at this point, because that is just so hilariously
accurate for fathers everywhere. We love you guys, but lets just say I am sure
Alicia is not the first, and certainly not the last, to have been
"dismissed" (lack of a better word) by her father.
Raimundo walked
around the halls of her school more often than not alone, head down, with
little interest in the peers around her. (Not because she was mean and didn't
like them- I mean maybe, but I highly doubt that,
as it sounded to me like she kept to herself). So why didn't the school
staff notice anything? Accordingly, teachers merely subjected Alicia's symptoms
and characteristics as being "fiercely independent." Nevertheless,
what struck me the most, or what really broke me up inside
(like every one else in the room), was the day she had been given a
chance, one chance, to speak to a "guidance counsellor"
in an attempt to resolve some of the confusion regarding her feelings. She felt
so far from normal, isolated, but found the courage to identify some of what
was going on. Yet, as she stood behind her guidance
counsellor, anticipating a conversation that she was genuinely looking forward
to having (I’m confused at 23, at 13 I can’t even…question mark question mark),
till she overheard her "counsellor" say to a fellow employee beside
her "well, I have to go talk with the crazy girl now."
......I won't go there today, but Mental Health Literacy; it's not just
necessary, it's fundamental to each and every one of our well beings, as it
affects ALL of us. No one person should ever be
labeled "crazy," especially when solely trying to comprehend the
feelings of excessive confusion, despair, grief, guilt and shame. It is bad
enough as it is out there. (I am not saying I know it perfectly either, heck I
know for certain I do not always speak in mental health literal terms, but I
have a pretty good idea/set of boundaries as to what I say and in what
context)
Shockingly, the
comment made by Alicia's teacher deterred her from wanting to speak up, which
sadly does not surprise me. Frankly, I don't presume it should surprise anyone,
as prevention stems from intervention; the intervening of a group or individual
in acknowledging and recognizing the feelings presented and encouraging, if not
slightly demanding, that there are alternative resources in dealing with the
pain and suffering.
But, she went back to class, gave
her favourite gel pen to the only girl she spoke to, and went that home that
night to take her own life; only to wake up the next morning to realize one
thing: the only thing she believed she had control over, her physical and
mental well-being/existence, was now in a state of total hopelessness, as she
woke up. In other words, it was an uncompleted suicide.
As I am sure
you can assume, Alicia is doing much better now. Like myself, she pokes fun
throughout her story, as it made her who she is today; it is the reason she
stood up in front of the (100? 200?) people that were there? Amongst the other
10, 000 she has spoken in front of in affiliation with Ted Talks. So, how did
it change? Well, by sharing her story, but what the real mark of change was for
Alicia was when she was standing in a subway station, and suddenly had this
overwhelming feeling that the man standing near her was about to jump, or hurt
himself...So, she put her arm in front of him and eventually he ran way. Last
night, Alicia noted that now, she recognizes that that may not have been the
most effective way to interfere, as he could have easily taken him with her,
BUT "people don't save people, people save themselves."
So how can
"I" or you help? Listen… and continue to spread awareness, sharing,
caring, speaking up, because your life matters and you're not
alone. I know how hard sometimes it can be, especially when you’re tired,
and/or you had a long drive home because the traffic was crazy, stuffs going on
at work, your relationship is in a mess, JUST
LISTEN. WE NEED TO BE HEARD.
If you think
I'm done I would suggest going take a bathroom break, grab a cookie, or do what
you need to do to get comfortable because now you're obligated to read on..
(sort of kidding) WHY? BECAUSE I AM NOT FINISHED AND THIS IS IMPORTANT. (If you
know me, I say this very humorously, but am still darn serious)
Jenn Ward. WOW! The
eloquence in which she spoke, both during her speech and throughout Q and A.
Jenn discussed three approaches in her line of work in the prevention of
suicide, but brought to light the notion of "survivor identity,"
which is pretty darn cool and seemingly effective: Prevention, intervention
and postvention. Prevention= education; educating communities on the
vast facets of prevention strategies through discussions (like last night) on
what WE can do to support one another, but more importantly,
for ourselves. Additionally, by raising more and more awareness, "we"
are simultaneously enhancing and advancing the methods and means in preventing
others.
For example,
one particular area I had previously never considered was the mental health
literacy used in my story. Now, I am a rather open individual (surprising?
definitely not!), and when I spoke of how my attempt "went down" I
explained with explicit detail. Now, I could understand the hesitation in
sharing/seeing those details, as they are never easy to share and it affects
everyone differently. But what I had not yet considered was that, by
sharing the tools/resources of my attempt, I am simultaneously “giving them (an
audience) ideas” as to the resources and tools necessary for this act. By no
means was that the intent, but in interpreting that comment, it was definitely
1 of the many fundamental points of discussion that I walked away with. (And
now you too!)
Ward’s ideology
of survivor identity was absolutely incredible; when an individual acknowledges
the personal strength acquired/required when coping after a traumatic
experience, such as losing a loved one to a completed suicide; typically people
feel a sense of being “victim” of suicide as opposed to a survivor of suicide
loss or attempt. And understandably so, especially in the case where some carry
the burden as though the suicide was a result of their “own” fault.
Accordingly, in a situation where an attempt was unsuccessful, the caregivers,
guardians, mentors, relatives, friends or whomever feel as though they cannot
express their grief, as “there is no way” it could ever amount to being as
tragic and devastating as the person who committed the act. But we’re all in
this together, as cliché as that may sound, and we need to stick together. In
other words, lets remove the blinds from limiting our perception of mental
health/illness and suicide, and what constitutes as “being a survivor.”
Ward, too,
mentioned that in times where people may ask “What did you survive?” (to each
their own) simply respond with something such as “I don’t have to tell you, but
I can tell you that I am a survivor of suicide loss or attempt (or both),”…Just
remember that whatever you feel is ok, and you and your feelings are just as important as the person
beside you. Which is why the topic of postvention is so fundamental, as it is a provision of both “formal and
informal” interventions conducted after a suicide largely taking the form of
support for the bereaved. It has been suggested that family and friends of the
suicide victim may be at an increasingly higher risk of attempting suicide
themselves. Thus, postvention is prevention. As quoted by the World Health
Organization: “Suicide is preventable,” which brings me to my next speaker, and
topic of conversation, Tana Nash.
Nash concluded
the guest speeches by giving us a “watering can”, metaphorically that is, as
she challenged each of us to “plant a seed.” As previously stated, WE ALL CAN
HELP. HOW? Media responsibility; what they are putting out to the public, or
rather, what they are limiting from the public (it’s an idea, and not my own so
please refrain from argumentative comments) intervention for vulnerable groups,
especially Canadian First Nations… Or what if “we” put together a mandate for
an electoral docket that ensures commitment to all sectors of the community for
CPR, but in a mental health style. As far as I know, we are a brain based economy,
thus the avoidance of Mental Health first aid, suicide prevention first aid, or
training in either category in general is rubbish. I don’t know about you, but
what do we have to lose when in hindsight we only have so much to gain?
https://www.facebook.com/CanadianAssociationforSuicidePrevention
Thanks for reading/listening, all!
(p.s. I tried taking as many accurate detailed notes as possible, but I am sure you can appreciate how I became rather distracted, and as as a result my notes turned into lecture-style abbreviations that I made up on the spot..if there is something missing, I apologize!)
(p.s. I tried taking as many accurate detailed notes as possible, but I am sure you can appreciate how I became rather distracted, and as as a result my notes turned into lecture-style abbreviations that I made up on the spot..if there is something missing, I apologize!)
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