Instagram Resilience

Over the past few days I have come across the most remarkable instagram accounts, predominately made by young teens who are fighting for their lives. The other night around 3:30 am I found myself commenting on a few accounts telling them just how damn amazing their raw honesty is in their fight to recover. I have now created an alternate account as my comments aren't loud" enough. In other words, I NEED TO USE THEM FIGHTIN' QUOTES!

Follow me: l.i.fe.dorothy_

You never know who you may be inspiring

"Dorothy: The Feminist"

Remember that song? "Where'd you go/I miss you so/Seems like its been forever since you've be gone/please come back home"- I do. I remember listening to it often after my eldest brother left for university. I was pretty devastated and could not comprehend what so ever why I was feeling that way.. Until of course I wrote a paper for a gender studies course I randomly took in lieu of getting the compulsory credits for future applications.. "Girls, women, and popular culture." What was supposed to be an 8 Page paper, turned into a 15 page manifest of everything I've experienced till now. Note: These are my opinions, amongst scholarly opinions, if you disagree-- that stinks. If you don't, enjoy! 

Dorothy Rennie

100101890

Bianca Rus

Monday, December 15, 2014

Major Essay

Depressive and anxious symptoms are like a cancer of the mind. Both invade our bodies and minds, expanding their reach and control over thoughts and actions. In fact, studies have shown that some physicians believe that anxiety is a condition for cancer, that is, it prepares the person for cancer cells to run rampant and multiply (Kirkpatrick, 1975). And studies have shown that women experience more anxiety than men because of their life situations. Often buried are the feelings, dreams, and hopes they once had for themselves having been replaced by other traditional feelings for a husband and family. Women have typically been cast into roles that have created situations in which anxiety comes to the fore because of conflicting feelings. Women often depend upon others for security; consistently try to please; attempt to avoid arguments for the sake of family peace; try to maintain harmony at all costs, even to the extent of emotional self-harm; are quick to assume blame; feel guilty when the self is prioritized above the family; and meet their own needs covertly, producing more guilt (Kirkpatrick, 1975).

I will attempt to structure my paper around lost continuities of popular culture and the remarkable advancements produced in the stretch of time between now and the key formative moment for my thought, the millennium (Mulvey, 2000). I will examine the remarkable advancements of contemporary popular culture in contradiction of the inherent “culture of fatherhood in the fifties” (LaRossa, 2004). Operating on the assumptions of first and second wave feminist thinkers, such as Jennifer Baumgardner and Amy Richards, Joanne Hollows, Sut Jhally, and Laura Mulvey, and the exploration of my own personal testimony, I will argue how the strain of fatherhood shaped, constrained, and determined young girls and young women’s identity politics and subjective view towards social relations and public institutions.

More specifically, I will examine how conventional popular culture produced through male dominant discourse is representative of third-wave feminists’ thought through young women’s individual identities, inherent to social relations of power and morality. Through critical analysis of various representations this paper will argue the intersectionality of appropriation of gender roles, as well as mental, emotional cognitive (dis)abilities and bodily disease. I will conclude by emphasizing the critical need for every day feminist thought and action through mediums that channel educational initiatives such as We Day globally, and annually.

In October of 2000, Baumgardner and Richards published their first co-authored book, which spoke directly to young third wave feminists. The book’s content sought to inspire women of the current generation, such as myself, to consciously embrace the liberation of today while remembering the work of previous feminist generations, writing:

“Consciousness among women is what caused this [change], and consciousness, one's ability to open their (sic) mind to the fact that male domination does affect the women of our generation, is what we need... The presence of feminism in our lives is taken for granted. For our generation, feminism is like fluoride. We scarcely notice we have it—it's simply in the water.”

I consciously and whole-heartedly embrace the liberation I have access to today, not only because I am a female, but also because I am a twenty-three year old female who suffers from major depressive disorder, anxiety, as well as attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. In addition, within that past 6 months I am sober from alcohol after attempting to take my life not once, but twice.  While the strains of both my cognitive and mental sets seem impossible at times to endure, I have found that the strength in sharing my story through a variety of available channels, such as my personal blog, with expressive words, personal achievement stories, and self-help methods to aid social interactions and comprehension of new age realities. Throughout my journey, I am often misunderstood or unacknowledged by both myself as well as those relationships closest to me. Yet, I have come to appreciate and understand that death, oddly, is one of the best inventions in avoiding the trap of thinking you have something to lose; in the face of death, which I have now encountered four times directly, “everything disappears— all fear of failure, shame, guilt, embarrassment— they all fall away leaving only what is important, the courage to follow my own inner voice and heart” (Jobs, 2005).

The quote recited in the previous paragraph reflects only a few of the words I heard during a time where I felt as though my issues would never be solved.  For example, how on earth would I be able to manage completing this post-secondary education that frankly I never wanted in the first place. I initially chose fashion as my direction, but my father declared, “you cannot go to college until you get accepted into university first,” which I had not yet applied to being so unsure of what I wanted. In addition, I have a faint memory of my father also saying to me “you need to find a husband that can afford your lifestyle,” as presumably I was incapable of doing so myself. As negative as that sounds, it gets worse, as just this year I decided I needed to move into my own living space for my own well-being wherein my father got into a dispute with my mother claiming that “[Colleen] is the way she is because of you [mother],” in reference to the way he perceives both my mother and I; “our money” is my father’s money—there is no difference. Upon hearing this news, I was absolutely devastated because for a great deal of my teenage years extending into my university career, his power—both found in his finances and masculinity—forced me to become an adult child of an alcoholic. When I say force, I am referring to the fact that he did make it readily deceptive that my “mother needs” me in order to heal. I was positioned as the saviour, prior to being saved myself.  Other than my father, I was the primary source of aid when he would depart on business trips, social events, and all other business related affairs that were all too time consuming for us both. Rather than living freely like the teenage girls around me, I lived with the weight of what felt like being a mere representative of the families name, therefore anything I did I felt the need for external approval to feel good about my actions or accomplishments, especially in the face of my father. Yet, I was too young to comprehend that in hindsight I was doing exactly what I needed to do all along, which was being my authentic self and listening to my gut. When my dad offered my mom another glass, I said no; when he told me my mother was sick with breast cancer in the driveway as opposed to being inside, he said that my mom felt enough grief as it is and to try to not get emotional when I see her. Imagine receiving a phone call of which the majority took the form of “your mother’s unwell” due to the disease of alcoholism; then driving home angry the entire time because of how unfair it all felt only to find out she had cancer. Moreover, between her alcoholism and cancer he would “really appreciate it” if we kept our family matters within the home.

The controversy surrounding socialization is “so hard to ‘decode,’” as Sut Jhally remarks, because as a society we are immersed into inherit social norms as a result of “social constructions”—that is, the inherently socialized customs from generations before us and appropriating the culture we were raised in as “natural” (Jhally, 2009). Accordingly, we make spontaneous judgments and interferences about others without awareness, intention, or effort on a day-to-day basis (Uleman, Saribay, & Gonzalez, 2007).

In discussion of how prejudicial attitudes are formed or preserved, recent studies suggest that these attitudes are more often than not an attitude that has been handed down as a “legacy” from observing their parents and learning certain social interactions (Killen, Richardson, & Kelly, 2010). These “legacies,” for example, are shaped through the context, and content, of expressions such as “let it go.” In other words, behave according to their cultural heritage—shared customs, values, beliefs, behaviours, and public institutions such as marriage and education, all of which are transmitted socially across generations, with the exception of the strain of patriarchal fatherhood post WWII. Ultimately, the colonial and imperialist legacies permeated society during this era, but today there are more egalitarian forces at work.    

Second Wave feminism in the 1970s altered the the common stereotypical representations of housewives in advertisements, in which the depiction of moms as the primary caretakers of the home and family continue to be reproduced. As Ralph LaRossa argues, “The culture of fatherhood in postwar America was neither a simple continuation of previous patterns nor a more progressive version of what had come before, but rather was a more traditional strain of patriarchal fatherhood.” (LaRossa, 2004) And in my experience, I could not agree more as my father is a descendant born of British and Scottish heritage, and consequently epitomizes the characteristics of the strain of patriarchal fatherhood. For instance, according to Spock in 1946, fathers could still be “warm… and a real man” in context of childcare, by modifying their efforts in not giving “just as many” bottles and diaper changes to babies--“He might make the formula on Sunday”. If that is what constitutes as a “real man”—modifying one’s role to say, simply making formula on Sundays or generally limited to weekends, as presumably men are preoccupied during the week with their jobs—then would it not be fair to assert that women are therefore twice, if not three times more “real,” or logical than any man, especially their husband? Unfortunately, Spock’s biased male discourse did not reference females at all with the exception of using “her,” in reference to the mother being the mother or primary caretaker.

By challenging existing notions of the central ideology to second-wave feminism, “the personal is political,” where the political is seen as what defines all relations, particularly those within the “private” realm of the family, and the “public” realm of social relationships– What appeared to be individual, private problems that women endured in isolation were common problems experienced by the female gender as whole – feminist thinkers in the 1970s made a promise and commitment in not only consciousness-raising as a group, but disseminating acknowledgment that women had special needs that must be met in order to overcome inherent struggling experiences that are inherent to one’s authentic self. As Hollow’s suggested, to be involved in women’s social movements in the 1960s and the 1970s, “was for many women to engage in a new vital practice.” This is exactly what Dr. Jean Kirkpatrick, founder of “Women For Sobriety” did in using her instinctive knowledge, and personal experience of being an alcoholic, and asserting that female alcoholics had special needs which must be met in order to overcome their alcoholism and have “lasting sobriety.”  The significance of the representation of “personal is political,” was the fact that it provided insight to a global audience of women, both historically and contemporarily, who throughout their lives have both witnessed and experienced the imperial gaze.

The community of girls and young women today have the capacity, ability, and accessibility to use our voices as a social force of representation in the fight against gender inequality. We need to share these stories through both words and our voices, as the unsettling tragedy and reality of voices unheard facilitates the continuation of psychological disorders and substance abuse.

The “male gaze” and the “imperial gaze” cannot be separated in Western patriarchal cultures, as musical and visual entertainment has played an important role in shaping popular opinion about how we as individuals and collective bodies perceive social relations. Accordingly, modern day popular culture approaches are remarkable contrary to efforts made during the 1950s, 60s and 70s when considering the advancements in imagery, language, and technology as a force and influence in our daily interactions. The dissemination of social movements reproduces representative messages, which asserts the critical need for similarity and solidarity in contradiction of gender inequality. Mainstream mediums including, but not limited to, radio, social media, television, or YouTube are strong forces contemporarily that reach audiences far and wide. In addition, by simultaneously reversing the dysfunctional maintenance of the “male gaze,” through modern approaches of social movements such as “HeForShe,” equalizing gender or “Everyday Feminism,” feminist efforts ultimately heighten and reinforce the essential nature of feminism in this sociocultural context.

Demi Lovato, Jennifer Hudson, Nelly Furtado, Malala Yousafzai, Kofi Annan, and Dr. Jane Goodall are only a few of the endless number of public voices and contributors of “We Day.” Their personal stories or experiences embody real life heroes for both younger and older generations both locally and globally by reversing and challenging the private and public realms of life. Using their combined forces in effort to fundamentally change and improve the way girls and boys, women and men, understand and view social relationships both locally and globally. Their efforts, specifically, are aimed in diminishing modern day prejudice that is often below societies level of awareness. For instance, with the emergence of public social media interactions, the new phenomena of cyber bullying on websites such as Facebook or Instagram, insentiently attacking young girls and women for the way they dress, colour their hair, the music they listen to, the politics in which we believe in more often than not unknowingly; it is all contested, and too often results in a blow to their self-esteem, image, identity, and how they perceive the world—a cruel, harsh place. Today, every aspect of our lives are publicly broadcasted, and it important to call upon those iconic celebrities who have endured harsh negativity to expose the reality of cyber bullying and the risk of the threat of online personas.  Furthermore, they can set an example for others by strengthening their public image despite the negativity experienced. 

Although these heroes are “rich and famous,” they all have a story to tell with a battle that has been, or is continuing to be, conquered in this harsh world. For instance, Demi Lovato opens the floor discussion concerning the prevalent issue of bullying, and firmly announces, “I know that there is someone out here in the audience who is being bullied. And I know they need someone to look up to,” and she could not have been more accurate.   

Many researchers argue that globalization connects and stratifies peoples around the world, while at the same time intensifying the awareness of the world as a single space (Robertson, 1992). Public figures in today’s society have more than ever before come to the realization that social and political change on a global scale, be it social consumerism or the shaping of today’s political identities, is critical for the hope of a better tomorrow.

Most significant to this paper are the advancements offered by popular musicians, specific to prejudicial discourse of gender (dis)abilities, which takes the form of a mediums that effectively channel individuals across the globe through the source of lyrical thought. The first song I ever related to was Perfect by Simple plan:

“Hey dad look at me/ Think back and talk to me/ Did I grow up according to plan/ And do you think I’m wasting my time doing things I wanna do/ But it hurts when you disapprove all along/And now I try hard to make it/ I just want to make you proud/ I’m never gonna be good enough for you/Can’t pretend that I’m alright…I’m sorry I can’t be perfect.”

By sharing personal matters through public lyrical thought, young girls and women are provided with a source of connectedness that personifies a great deal of commonalities which we experience in terms of psychosocial disabilities or normalizing controversial topics of interest such as anti-bullying, depression, substance abuse, which more often than not are direct leads to suicide ideation and attempt.  As Henriksson and his co-authors noted,

“These case studies revealed that in 93 percent of suicides, the victim suffered from a significant psychological disorder. The most common diagnoses, by a large margin, were depression and alcohol dependence.”

Alicia Moore—also known as P!ink, an alternative punk rock singer—and Dallas Green released their first collaborative album, produced by their label “you & me.” Although simplistic, this form of entertainment is undoubtedly effective in reversing or eliminating inherent social relations of power, particularly those through the lens of the male gaze through their diminishing of social order—whose name comes first in production order and situations of credibility mean little to nothing when singing for a higher purpose. Moreover, their lyrical thought takes the form of a channel utilized as music therapy, which in my eyes has been my saving grace. Green, prior to becoming internationally known by his self-produced album called Sometimes, which looking back now I can identify as my source of critical thought and action. In high school Green’s lyrics eased the comprehension of the many emotions and feelings I experienced while in a constant state of overwhelming insecurity and uncertainty. Green’s relativity discussed through lyrical thought brought a sense of calmness, but more importantly, normalcy. I needed to know that what I was feeling was natural, and my parents at that time were unable to provide me with the answers, or unfortunately, a sense of understanding.

Ironically, just this year contemporary musician Anthony Green who, similar to Dallas Green’s musical genre style, produced two songs solely dedicated to suicide prevention. Moreover, with each copy sold, all proceeds would be donated to the American Association of Suicide Prevention, a prevention strategy that has been established in all G8 countries, except Canada.

            In my concluding years of high school I really began to understand the harsh realities of the world, but without Green’s lyrical thought, I may have never acknowledged my feelings. Consequently, I was relied on in more ways than just aiding my mother’s disease through emotional and physical support.  Simply put, my “first love” cheated on me and broke my heart, and during this time my mother’s drinking habit and loneliness, unhappiness, and anguish was heavily prevalent. Often times, I would find myself sitting in my room alone crying, listening to my parents fight back and forth, which often led to one of them stomping down to my bedroom to take whatever frustration they had left out on me. My dad in particular was notorious for doing so but not so much my mom, until she consumed alcohol wherein she would make devastating remarks such as “would you get over it already? Clearly he has!” But most devastating of all was the physical abuse. Granted, she would never punch me square in the face, but the couple times she did throw a hit, it was more of a blow to my heart than anything else. I wish I could say that escaping to university was the best decision I ever made, but that would be a lie. My years at university have taken quite the toll on my mental and physical health, however, nothing I have not been able to overcome. Which is where I conclude with my last story.  

The depth of my analysis, particularly in reference to my own personal testimony, although difficult to relive, manifests now as textbook knowledge. But in reality, it has provided me with an odd sense of hope, as I strongly believe that today’s young girls and women will achieve indisputable equality in every facet of society; so long as missions continue to commit to the extraordinarily advanced techniques proposed in popular culture in equalizing social relations of power and gender.  This is chiefly executed through the ideals of sisterhood—affirming similarity and solidarity of all women— and brotherhood combined. The diminishing of patriarchy and capitalism, though a pipe dream, has the potential to decrease social consumerism ultimately erasing conventional customs of private and public sectors of life. Both of which are fundamental to all young girls and boys, young women and men, and adults.

The moral justification of capitalism is an inferior consequence due to the altruistic claims—capitalism represents the best way to achieve the “common good.” The moral justification of capitalism lies in the fact that it is the only system consistent with man’s rational nature, that it protects man’s survival. Maybe so, but I respectfully disagree.

The necessity of conquering previous gender socialization constructs— built on appropriations and assumptions of traditional strains of patriarchal fatherhood customs— white privileged males born in the fifties have frequently conditioned female relatives, such as their wife or daughter, to represent their cognitive frames and social positions in order to achieve equality, acceptance, and often times, compassion.

No longer are the days where young girls are trapped by dogma—which is living with the results of others’ thinking and the noise of others' opinions who drown out their own inner voice.  As Steve Jobs said in his speech address to Stanford University, “most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.” Despite the various setbacks in my life, I have, finally, come to see that I have emerged wiser and stronger in conquering the struggles that coincide with ADHD, depression, alcoholism in the family, and death through my firm belief in the very idea that “the personal is political” (Hollows, 2000). I never want a young girl, or a young boy, to have to go through what I did with arguably little guidance in managing my feelings. Rather, I was forced to become the adult child of an alcoholic mother and a workaholic father. This example demonstrates a key source of oppression which is “therefore political,” as I firmly believe that end to women’s oppression will truly come through not only radical reform and transformation, but as feminist thinkers in the U.K. sought, the tackling of both patriarchy and capitalism. (Hollows, 2000). As a collective society, we must jettison the notion that the discourse of feminist thought is a lifestyle, as it is undoubtedly a social and political movement that demonstrates a kaleidoscope of authentic truths critical to our every day lives.

Situations in a family setting are frequently the sole cause of anxiety felt by women. The continuous guilt, shame, blame, and loneliness I felt personally in lieu of my mother’s drinking habits and cancer hit me like a brick. In March of 2013 I was faced with yet another test but this time I was directly involved, as I found out I was pregnant with my boyfriend, who at the time, lived out in Halifax which meant that I had to find the strength within me to make a decision alone. In hindsight between then and now, I know I made the right choice—which was having an abortion three weeks after finding out. Like many young women who have found themselves in a difficult situation like this, I was never given any guidelines to follow, and I could not face the very idea of breaking this news to my parents. Within time, however, prior to the procedure I told my mom, as she was newly sober and I could not do it alone anymore. And a year later I told my dad, and have yet to forget the look in his eyes in recognition of not being there for his “baby girl.”

I cannot imagine living in a world where I had no choice in the matter, or if I did, I would be shunned for it. And in opposition to “pro-life” thinkers, the decision I made in terminating my pregnancy was the best decision I ever made, as my gut knew I was not fit financially, psychologically, let alone intellectually, and I had to face adversity to find my inner voice and strength.

Most notably, however, I cannot imagine a world without my mother. Both faced with disease and psychological distress, we, in separate time frames, had to find a new way to remake and redefine ourselves to take back our identity; we got slightly lost on our journey, but thanks to our solidarity we found our way; or as an admirable female alcoholic once said “our corner of shame, a corner which you have not produced enough shame to be apart of ”.  Nevertheless, in becoming sober my mother was forced to face the reality of her cancer, and similarly, I currently find myself forced to face the reality of my mental illnesses as I have sought new resources. I was given a second chance—adversely in attempt to end my life— a second chance to spread awareness and education in benefit of others, consistent with the foundations built by Baumgardner and Richards.

Works Cited

Baumgardner, Jennifer, and Amy Richards. “A Day Without Feminism.” Manifesta:
            Young Women, Feminism, and the Future. New York: Farrar, Straus and Giroux,
            2000. 3-9. Print.

Hollows, Joanne. “Second Wave Feminism and Feminity.” Feminism, Feminity, and
            Popular Culture. Manchester: Manchester University Press. 2000. Pp. 2-18.

Hsu, Jennifer Chung-kue. "Selling American Beauty to Teen Girls: A Content Analysis
            of Female Celebrity Advertisements in Seventeen." Advertising & Society
            Review14.2 (2013).

Kirkpatrick, Jean. “Profile of Jean Kirkpatrick” Women For Sobriety, Inc.

LaRossa, Ralph. "The Culture of Fatherhood in the Fifties: A Closer Look." Journal of
            Family History 29.1 (2004): 47-70. Web. 14 Dec. 2014

Mulvey, Laura. “Looking at the Past from the Present: Rethinking Feminist Film Theory
            of the 1970s.” Signs. 2004.

Birthday Suit 2014

Wearing this with the most pride! I'm a flyer! 

My First Birthday sans-alcohol

So this year for my birthday everything was different. The build up, the celebration, the day itself!

Usually I'm counting the minutes, seconds, milliseconds!! Yet, this year I was a little busy and caught up with just doing..whatever I was doing! 

Contrary to previous years, I wore a blue jumpsuit, ear plugs, a helmet, and was forced to remember a bunch of hand signals. Hand signals? Who needs those?! PEOPLE WHO FLY! Yes, I went flying! Well not outdoors but it was still beyond epic! AND I REMEMBER IT! Thanks to my family and friends who came it was so amazing! All cheering and high fiving! I felt like I was back on a sports team. 

I guess you don't always have to drink t have fun, do you mom? (You win again) 

This is all I got

Love Sharma

"Suicide: A decision you can't reverse"

"God Bless the Wellington Community" - Christine Rennie aka My mom. This is in reference to my mother's recognition of the support the Wellington community is to pre and post suicide. Did you know that Canada is the only G8 country without a National Suicide Prevention Strategy? 

Last night I had the honour and privilege of attending an event hosted by 308 Conversations, which is a “grassroots campaign spearheaded by the Mental Health Commission of Canada that invites each of Canada’s 308 Members of Parliament (MPs) to lead a conversation in their ridings about suicide prevention.” Read the media release

Frank Valeriote, Canadian Member of Parliament, was there intermediating between each speaker: Tana Nash, President of the Ontario Association of Waterloo Region Suicide Prevention Council, Jenn Ward Program Manager/ Survivor...(I'll get back to her part, because it is/was way better than that credit I gave above) AND LAST BUT CERTAINLY NOT LEAST, Alicia Raimundo! A-lic-ia NOT a-leash-a because, as we were informed last night, Alicia means sandpaper in Polish (hahaha!) Alicia is referred to as the "Mental Health Superhero," as she has been battling depression, anxiety, along with a suicide attempt since the early age of 13. 

Valeorite's introduction was short and concise. Discussions of prevalent talks within parliament reach as far as discussing the issue of "end of life," and concluded by stating that this was NOT a doctor assistant conversation; rather it was for the community. THANK YOU! While I didn't expect it, boy would I have been bogged down if there was nothing but doctors going back and forth at one another as to their methodologies or approach to suicide prevention. But I was surprisingly one of few younger individuals in a full room. Yes, it was FULL! 

Alicia was the first to discuss her story, which was nothing less than remarkable. Like each and every individual at this event, or even someone who may be reading this, every story is unique and empowering in its own way. She opened the floor by presenting the three most common asked questions: "What happened?" "How did it change" and "How can I help?" 

What Happened:  As she proceeded to discuss her two parents who, similar to my own story, were two strong "superheroes," yet there was a wall built up around the family. The family is of a polish descent, who worked very hard A wall of distrust, which interfered in a great deal of Alicia's social abilities. 

Anyways, as claimed by Raimundo, the feelings being experienced were similar to teenager angst, but actually a hundred times worse, which she could not have described more perfectly than "Imagine the worst day of your life, every day of your life." Young Alicia became sad, yes, but progressively got worse over time, as she developed a sense of self-hatred and lack of self-worth. Though she tried talking to her parents about some of the things that were going off, her father, classically, before she could even finish her sentence of "Dad, I feel.." he interrupted by saying "Go talk to your mother." We all laughed at this point, because that is just so hilariously accurate for fathers everywhere. We love you guys, but lets just say I am sure Alicia is not the first, and certainly not the last, to have been "dismissed" (lack of a better word) by her father. 

Raimundo walked around the halls of her school more often than not alone, head down, with little interest in the peers around her. (Not because she was mean and didn't like them- I mean maybe, but I highly doubt that, as it sounded to me like she kept to herself).  So why didn't the school staff notice anything? Accordingly, teachers merely subjected Alicia's symptoms and characteristics as being "fiercely independent." Nevertheless, what struck me the most, or what really broke me up inside (like every one else in the room), was the day she had been given a chance, one chance, to speak to a "guidance counsellor" in an attempt to resolve some of the confusion regarding her feelings. She felt so far from normal, isolated, but found the courage to identify some of what was going on. Yet, as she stood behind her guidance counsellor, anticipating a conversation that she was genuinely looking forward to having (I’m confused at 23, at 13 I can’t even…question mark question mark), till she overheard her "counsellor" say to a fellow employee beside her "well, I have to go talk with the crazy girl now."

......I won't go there today, but Mental Health Literacy; it's not just necessary, it's fundamental to each and every one of our well beings, as it affects ALL of us. No one person should ever be labeled "crazy," especially when solely trying to comprehend the feelings of excessive confusion, despair, grief, guilt and shame. It is bad enough as it is out there. (I am not saying I know it perfectly either, heck I know for certain I do not always speak in mental health literal terms, but I have a pretty good idea/set of boundaries as to what I say and in what context) 

Shockingly, the comment made by Alicia's teacher deterred her from wanting to speak up, which sadly does not surprise me. Frankly, I don't presume it should surprise anyone, as prevention stems from intervention; the intervening of a group or individual in acknowledging and recognizing the feelings presented and encouraging, if not slightly demanding, that there are alternative resources in dealing with the pain and suffering. 

But, she went back to class, gave her favourite gel pen to the only girl she spoke to, and went that home that night to take her own life; only to wake up the next morning to realize one thing: the only thing she believed she had control over, her physical and mental well-being/existence, was now in a state of total hopelessness, as she woke up. In other words, it was an uncompleted suicide. 

As I am sure you can assume, Alicia is doing much better now. Like myself, she pokes fun throughout her story, as it made her who she is today; it is the reason she stood up in front of the (100? 200?) people that were there? Amongst the other 10, 000 she has spoken in front of in affiliation with Ted Talks. So, how did it change? Well, by sharing her story, but what the real mark of change was for Alicia was when she was standing in a subway station, and suddenly had this overwhelming feeling that the man standing near her was about to jump, or hurt himself...So, she put her arm in front of him and eventually he ran way. Last night, Alicia noted that now, she recognizes that that may not have been the most effective way to interfere, as he could have easily taken him with her, BUT "people don't save people, people save themselves."

So how can "I" or you help? Listen… and continue to spread awareness, sharing, caring, speaking up, because your life matters and you're not alone. I know how hard sometimes it can be, especially when you’re tired, and/or you had a long drive home because the traffic was crazy, stuffs going on at work, your relationship is in a mess, JUST LISTEN. WE NEED TO BE HEARD. 

If you think I'm done I would suggest going take a bathroom break, grab a cookie, or do what you need to do to get comfortable because now you're obligated to read on.. (sort of kidding) WHY? BECAUSE I AM NOT FINISHED AND THIS IS IMPORTANT. (If you know me, I say this very humorously, but am still darn serious) 

Jenn Ward. WOW! The eloquence in which she spoke, both during her speech and throughout Q and A. Jenn discussed three approaches in her line of work in the prevention of suicide, but brought to light the notion of "survivor identity," which is pretty darn cool and seemingly effective: Prevention, intervention and postvention. Prevention= education; educating communities on the vast facets of prevention strategies through discussions (like last night) on what WE can do to support one another, but more importantly, for ourselves. Additionally, by raising more and more awareness, "we" are simultaneously enhancing and advancing the methods and means in preventing others. 

For example, one particular area I had previously never considered was the mental health literacy used in my story. Now, I am a rather open individual (surprising? definitely not!), and when I spoke of how my attempt "went down" I explained with explicit detail. Now, I could understand the hesitation in sharing/seeing those details, as they are never easy to share and it affects everyone differently. But what I had not yet considered was that, by sharing the tools/resources of my attempt, I am simultaneously “giving them (an audience) ideas” as to the resources and tools necessary for this act. By no means was that the intent, but in interpreting that comment, it was definitely 1 of the many fundamental points of discussion that I walked away with. (And now you too!)

Ward’s ideology of survivor identity was absolutely incredible; when an individual acknowledges the personal strength acquired/required when coping after a traumatic experience, such as losing a loved one to a completed suicide; typically people feel a sense of being “victim” of suicide as opposed to a survivor of suicide loss or attempt. And understandably so, especially in the case where some carry the burden as though the suicide was a result of their “own” fault. Accordingly, in a situation where an attempt was unsuccessful, the caregivers, guardians, mentors, relatives, friends or whomever feel as though they cannot express their grief, as “there is no way” it could ever amount to being as tragic and devastating as the person who committed the act. But we’re all in this together, as cliché as that may sound, and we need to stick together. In other words, lets remove the blinds from limiting our perception of mental health/illness and suicide, and what constitutes as “being a survivor.”

Ward, too, mentioned that in times where people may ask “What did you survive?” (to each their own) simply respond with something such as “I don’t have to tell you, but I can tell you that I am a survivor of suicide loss or attempt (or both),”…Just remember that whatever you feel is ok, and you and your feelings are just as important as the person beside you. Which is why the topic of postvention is so fundamental,  as it is a provision of both “formal and informal” interventions conducted after a suicide largely taking the form of support for the bereaved. It has been suggested that family and friends of the suicide victim may be at an increasingly higher risk of attempting suicide themselves. Thus, postvention is prevention. As quoted by the World Health Organization: “Suicide is preventable,” which brings me to my next speaker, and topic of conversation, Tana Nash.

Nash concluded the guest speeches by giving us a “watering can”, metaphorically that is, as she challenged each of us to “plant a seed.” As previously stated, WE ALL CAN HELP. HOW? Media responsibility; what they are putting out to the public, or rather, what they are limiting from the public (it’s an idea, and not my own so please refrain from argumentative comments) intervention for vulnerable groups, especially Canadian First Nations… Or what if “we” put together a mandate for an electoral docket that ensures commitment to all sectors of the community for CPR, but in a mental health style. As far as I know, we are a brain based economy, thus the avoidance of Mental Health first aid, suicide prevention first aid, or training in either category in general is rubbish. I don’t know about you, but what do we have to lose when in hindsight we only have so much to gain?

 Well, I guess that's enough for today. Except for 1 last note: Saturday, November 22^nd, 2014 is International Survivors of Suicide day, as apart of the Canadian Association for Suicide Prevention. The link below, as I was informed last night, is for  "Survivors of Suicide Loss who can submit photos for our Survivors Slideshow, which will be presented on the final day of our Virtual Conference. “Help us reinforce the message to survivors: #YouAreNotAlone.”

https://www.facebook.com/CanadianAssociationforSuicidePrevention

 If you or anyone you know is struggling, don't wait any longer. Your life matters.  Click this link for further information: http://suicideprevention.ca/

Thanks for reading/listening, all!



(p.s. I tried taking as many accurate detailed notes as possible, but I am sure you can appreciate how I became rather distracted, and as as a result my notes turned into lecture-style abbreviations that I made up on the spot..if there is something missing, I apologize!)