But I'm here now! And I'm here to tell you that, bad stuff, or life, doesn't stop being throwing things at you just because you're sober, or you're in remission from an illness or recovering; it's still an every day conscious battle. I still have had suicidal thoughts, but their just thoughts that pass eventually. So long as I'm doing so some sort of measure to ensure safety first.
I got a tattoo for my celebration which reads "I'm the hero of this story; I don't need to be saved" a song lyric from Regina Spektor.
Ever since I have got that tattoo there's this fire within me that just wants to fight back. I even reached out to a young gal last week who was in total distress, while I was at work, as she was hysterically crying--just like I do!!! So I went up to her, she told me her story which was heart breaking given she is only 18; rape, abuse in every which way, adopted from Europe as mom died and dad was gone, and had lost her job. So I brought her in the backyard and just talked things out. I gave her a tangible item to represent strength and remind her she is never alone, and that together we'd get through this. She likely didn't believe me in that moment but we did exchange numbers, and I have already been on the phone with her this morning helping her prepare for an interview this afternoon and I have given her hope. 
Even better than that, she has given me more hope. I'm helping her because I'm here and alive. That's exactly what I told her, we need you because we have to take care of each other, be there for one another, and we can't do that dead.
So to anyone who reads this -you're in your of your life and only yours. People will talk, doubt, hate, criticize, but if they aren't you're not being you. I mean that's the reality of it all right? When people judge us it's likely because they disagree with someone's appearance or what they were doing, or saying, or even wearing. And there is some room warranted for reality checks when necessary, but not judgement.
hey! It is what it is, if I let every fear/fear of judgment or ridicule stop me from what I'm doing I wouldn't have this blog. I wouldn't have this as a keepsake, a journal of time gone by. I wouldn't have an outlet, an extra little meaningful activity. I wouldn't have had a woman recognize me at some rib fest as "lifeofdorothy" and thank me for having my blog , as she really could relate to the hardships and the changes made. and I have 130 followers maybe? This isn't me bragging. I'm so proud and honoured that happened, and this lovely young woman is much wiser than myself!!!! So, cool. This is getting out there some how.
I'd like to quickly dedicate the semi colon in my tattoo to Aunt Jan. a wife, mother, daughter, sister, and amazing aunt to my best friend. She took her life too soon, but that never means they're gone. I'm fighting for this for people like you and I. I'm sorry you didn't find that strength at that moment. I understand how closed in and limited a person at risks perception can be, and do not necessarily see it as "your only choice" but maybe it was. Maybe not all of us feel like we can get past all the darkness and the demons. Some of us are just really fucking lucky (pardon my French). RIP. 
Love,
Dorothy and Peaches
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