It's All About You

First Things First: Understanding Mental Illness & Depression

According to the Canadian Mental Health Association, depression can be defined as: "Depression is a type of mental illness called a mood disorder. Mood disorders affect the way you feel, which also affects the way you think and act. With depression, you may feel ‘down,’ hopeless, or find that you can’t enjoy things you used to like. Many people who experience depression feel irritable or angry. And some people say that they feel ‘numb’ all the time."

More often than not, when explaining to people that I suffer from depression, I typically get responses such as: "What do you have to be depressed about?" or "You're too young to be depressed." In other words, some people find it very difficult to comprehend that an outgoing, bright, and 'happy' individual like myself could, or would, suffer from depression. 

I appreciate and understand why people, especially those who know me personally, could assume that my mood does not take the form of one that struggles, or is challenged on a daily basis because of "all that I have going for me". I agree that, yes I do have a lot of wonderful people and things in my life that make me happy, but unfortunately, it is not as simple as that. Nonetheless, fortunately enough, it can be treated. 

Mental Illnesses can reflect many of the forms that physical illnesses do, as they can dramatically change the way people feel, making it harder for them to go about their daily routine. We all experience the changing of moods whether we feel sad, down, energetic, content, fatigued, or irritable; we all feel something. But what differentiates that "something" from me, for example, contrary to another individual is that, typically, their moods don't last long, or nearly as long, allowing them to go about their daily lives. 

Within the last few years I feel as though I have really come to understand and experience the various effects of depression, besides the roller-coaster of moods. While I hate to admit it, my ignorance or lack of information (that sounds better) in regards to comprehending depression was of little importance when I was first diagnosed. Unfortunately, it wasn't until I regularly found myself feeling tired, low, suffering from chronic head aches and body pains, and engrained sense of hopelessness and loneliness, did I understand that there was much more at stake than my mood.

So, I sought professional help and it was one of the best decisions I ever made. It's not just about the idea of venting to someone for an hour about your problems; for me, anyways, it was about changing my thought process (aka cognitive therapy), while working on my ability to let go of some of the events in my life that dramatically held me back. Purge your emotions. Talk to someone. The weightlessness I feel after each session is unbeatable.

About Me & Why I Am Writing

Hi Everyone! I'm Colleen. I created ‘The Beautiful Fight’ as a creative outlet to express some of the realities of mental illness, specifically depression, in the hopes of diminishing negative stigma. Additionally, I hope to encourage all individuals, including myself, that have been impacted by mental health/illness in any way, shape or form that collectively, we too can achieve an optimum quality of life full of joy and vitality. Through the expression of what I observe as empowering words, mantras, or lessons; or whether through personal stories, may they be short-lived moments of despair and/or triumph, or the exhausting of quotes, I hope to reflect, and maybe even relate, to the challenges of mental illness.

I have suffered from Major Depressive Disorder (MDD) for almost 8 years. Over the course of those years, I have engaged in a variety of self-therapeutic strategies and have found that writing one’s thoughts down, particularly, can be highly effective in the healing process. A wise friend of mine once told me, ‘take time to do what makes you happy,’ which at the time seemed so simple and so complex at the same time. To be honest, I had no clue what I could do that would make me happy." I mean, I'm depressed; doesn't that mean I am generally unhappy and therefore can't find much joy in things I used to do?" No, silly! 

For years I have been writing down my thoughts and feelings, especially in times when I felt like I had no one who would understand me, or if I felt like my problems were not worthy of 'bugging' other people. As you may be able to tell, I have given up on myself multiple times before, but I am still here, smiling, and writing!  
For me, writing about what I feel or think makes me a happier, and more fulfilled self. Mental illnesses, especially in the context of MDD, have gained a great deal of awareness and support within recent years, yet they are still feared and misunderstood by many people, which is understandable. It is amazing how our brains work, and how different they are from others around us. Yet, what is important to remember, and what I remind myself of often, is that we are all the same, just wired a bit differently. Don't let the fear of what could happen, or what people might think stop you from being the best version of yourself. 

So, there you have it. I hope you enjoy! If you don't, 'just keep it down'.